Category: Baby Geniuses
Open Post: Hosted By “The Baby,” HBO’s New Show About A Murderous Infant Who Falls From The Sky
The 1988 camp classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space is getting a horrifying update. Killer Klowns just don’t pack the same punch as they used to, thanks in part to the upstanding way Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope of Insane Clown Posse have comported themselves these past few years. Scary clowns jumped the shark when Kanye ran for president. Now they’re just sad. Nowadays, the thing that curdles the blood and jellies the knees are killer babies from outer space. That’s the premise of The Baby, a new horror/comedy series from HBO and Sky, set to premiere in late April. The only baby scarier than The Baby’s cherubic psycho killer is Bhad Bhabie, and the only baby who’s more grotesque is DaBaby. However, Boss Baby remains in a ghastly class of his own.
Open Post: Hosted By Yeti The Skateboarding Pussy
Pussies. They like to mirror their mommies and daddies. So if you’re super into, ohhh, I dunno, sleeping all day, binge-eating, and pooping in a box (the toilet’s too far, OK?!), your cat will probably follow suit. But if you prefer riding your skateboard around your beautiful Vancouver apartment, there’s a chance your kitty may become the next Tony Hawk Cat. That’s what happened to Yeti, the 4-month-old (prodigy!) white Himalayan kitten who took up skateboarding without any prodding or professional training. He just pushed the skateboard forward and hopped on for the ride. Piece of cake!
Grimes Says Her And Elon Musk’s 5-Month-Old Baby Is Into “Radical Art”
Remember a few months ago when Elon Musk and Grimes fused their cyborg genitals together and collaborated on a bionic baby? Then they named it X Æ A-12? And then they slightly changed it to X AE A-Xii? Well, get ready to feel as ancient as a decrepit old witch (Happy Halloween!), cuz that child is now old enough to have opinions, favorite films, and a blossoming career in robot music. In a new interview with the New York Times, Grimes says X AE A-Xii, who she calls X for short, is actually into some super cool shit. And she’s not just talking about the stuff in his Pampers. Continue reading
Megan Fox’s Unborn Baby Is A Telepathic Genius Who Cares About Real Estate
“Oh fuck my nerves with a butter knife dipped in acid, she’s about to have another thought…” – that dude on the right
Anyone who has been lucky enough to use their brain to ingest at least one Megan Fox interview knows that she is a never-ending fountain of wisdom, and melted plastic, but mostly wisdom. And on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (via E!) last night, Megan said that the unborn baby growing in her body has definitely inherited her super genius gene, because it has told her that it’s either going to be a Nazi rocket maker or an electric car mogul. Megan’s third baby also told her to move houses. Somewhere, scientists studying the long-term effects of Botox use have added, “hearing fetus voices,” to the list of shit to look into.