Category: BABIES!!!

Cristiano Ronaldo Is A Dad For The Fourth Time

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Hot on the heels of the birth of his surrogate-carried twins, Cristiano Ronaldo’s fourth child has been born. I’m sure Cristiano was thrilled to be where the action was on the day of his latest child’s birth. But you know just a tiny part of his soul withered and died when they asked him to cover up his Ken doll hair situation with that deeply unsexy paper shower cap.

32-year-old Cristiano announced on Twitter that his 22-year-old girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez gave birth to a baby girl they named Alana Martina Ronaldo. Cristiano tweeted that mama and baby are doing well, and they’re all very happy. Yeah, especially Georgina. Cristiano isn’t just football rich; he’s got hush money money. In the event Georgina and Cristiano ever break up, she’s set for life. When she deposits her first child support check, the ATM will start flashing and shout: “GOAAAALLLLL.

Baby Alana Martina joins Cristiano’s other kids, surrogate-carried 7-year-old son Cristiano Jr., and 5-month-old twins  Eva and Mateo. Now Cristiano is but seven players away from his own football team. If he keeps at it, he’s going to have a whole team, plus substitutes, referees, and several ball boys by 2021.

Pic: Twitter

Alec Baldwin Admits He’s Been Sexist To Women In The Past

November 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Hollywood is currently in the middle of a big, uncomfortable, but completely necessary, conversation about workplace sexual harassment and assault. Alec Baldwin was honored at the Paley Center for Media last night, and he did a little talking of his own by coming straight out and exposing his own sexist skeletons. I don’t know if he was trying to get ahead of any possible accusations or what. But I’m sure your publicist thanks you for being so open, Alec.

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Jaime Pressly Gave Birth To Her Twins

October 24, 2017 / Posted by:

I will do everything in my power not to make a My Name is Exhausted joke. People magazine says that 40-year-old Jaime Pressly is now the mother of two twin boys. Jaime announced her pregnancy in the summer and said that she and her 39-year-old boyfriend Hamzi Hijazi were expecting twins, but she didn’t do IVF to get pregnant. Well, surprise, sperm and eggs work in magical ways, and now she’s got two new babies that were born last week.

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68-Year-Old Billy Joel Is Going To Be A Dad Again

October 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Billy Joel’s 68-year-old sperm should be retired and spending their days rocking on a wooden chair on the porch inside his balls, but they’re working just as hard as ever. Billy casually spilled the new baby beans during a recent interview with the Belfast Telegraph. While chilling in Billy’s vintage bike shop, his very-pregnant 35-year-old fourth wife Alexis Roderick walked in with their 2-year-old daughter Della Rose.

Billy announced their arrival by saying, “That’s my wife. We are due next month.” This will be Billy Joel’s third kid after Della and Alexa Ray Joel, his 31-year-old daughter with Christie Brinkley.

But what if Billy wants to take a seniors nap at the same time as his new baby? Babies can be fussy about falling asleep. Luckily Billy already has that covered. I recently rented a car that had SiriusXM (fancy) and the person before me had it programmed to the Billy Joel channel. The channel is just Billy muttering about whatever while tooling around at the piano. It’s like liquid Ambien for the ears. I had to turn it off before I rear-ended a car. Whenever his new baby gets restless, he can just close the blinds and flip on his Sirius channel, and they’ll both be out like a light.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Life & Style Says That Kourtney Kardashian Is Also Knocked Up

October 11, 2017 / Posted by:

According to Life & Style, Kourtney Kardashian is joining Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner in creating jobs for the nannies of Calabasas. A source tells Life & Style that 38-year-old Kourtney got knocked up by her 24-year-old boy toy Younes Bendjima.

“She was thrilled to learn she was expecting. She loves being part of a large family and having so many siblings, and she wants the same for Mason, Penelope, and Reign.”

Life & Style’s source says that she wanted to have a fourth kid, and heavily implied that Younes will be a great dad simply because he’s not Scott.

“She needs a man who will be both present and sober,” the source explained. “With his charming personality and intelligence, Younes will make the perfect father.”

Kourtney hasn’t said anything about the possibility of her fourth pregnancy, but then again neither has Kylie or Khloe said anything about theirs. In all likelihood, this is probably just some uncreative fiction written by a bored Kris Jenner. But even if it’s true, it’s like – okay? Sure I guess? Of course Kourtney would be rumored to be knocked up again! Being pregnant and eating gluten-free snacks are literally her only KUWTK story lines. If we really wanted some shocking Kardashian news from Kourtney, someone should have leaked a video of her eating a Kit Kat like a normal person.

Pic: Wenn.com

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