It felt like Katherine Heigl was pregnant for way longer than the average woman is pregnant. Now we know that she did give birth, it just happened last month. Oh well, that extra time was probably appreciated by Katherine’s biggest fan Shonda Rhimes, who used that additional month to put together a really nice gift basket to go with the card she sent that says: “Good luck kid, xoxo Aunty Shondie.”
A rep for Katherine and her husband Josh Kelley confirmed the news to People that she gave birth to their third child on December 20th. She had a little boy that they named Joshua Bishop Kelley Jr. Josh Jr. joins a group of celebrity kids who I hope one day write a tell-all, which includes Katherine and Josh’s adopted daughters, 8-year-old Naleigh Moon and 4-year-old Adelaide Marie Hope.
I have no idea why Katherine decided to keep the birth of Josh Jr. a secret for so long. I know Katherine Heigl isn’t getting those front-page People covers anymore, but she does have a blog. I guess I just assumed she would have announced Baby Josh Jr.s birth there (she only talked about the baby shower, which sort of looked like a fancy retirement party for a rich lady florist). Maybe she’s waiting to debut Baby Josh Jr. in her next kitty litter commercial. It would be the purrrrfect tie-in for a litter designed specifically for kittens.
Seen above making the same face that her baby son will make after learning that he gets to call Detective La Toya Jackson “Auntie Detective La Toya Jackson,” Janet Jackson birthed out the kid that she was pregnant with for at least 399 months (it felt like that anyway).
Janet’s rep tells People that her baby with her Qatari billionaire husband Wissam Al Mana was born today. The baby is Wissam’s first child and Janet’s second (I will forever be a Jackson/DeBarge secret baby truther). 50-year-old Janet and 42-year-old Wissam have named their son Eissa. Cut to Janet and Wissam’s house staff hanging a sign that reads “EISSA BOY!” on one of their garage doors.
“Janet Jackson and husband Wissam Al Mana are thrilled to welcome their new son Eissa Al Mana into the world. Janet had a stress-free healthy delivery and is resting comfortably.”
Okay, I’ve never seen a human birth in person before and I also don’t know the lingo, but I would think that a “stress-free delivery” is something that doesn’t exist even if the mom is drugged up to the ends of the earth. A birth is the epitome of stress to me. But maybe it really was a stress-free birth. Maybe Tia La Toya entered the delivery room and sang so gorgeously that Janet was lulled into a trance as Baby Eissa immediately slipped out of her body to get a better listen to the beautiful sound he was hearing. That’s probably what Janet’s rep meant.
The former cast member from Laguna Beach/The Hills who got the most press in 2016 was Kristin Cavallari, which made sense, since 2016 seemed to be not-so-secretly out to get us all. Well, 2017 has decided to take a less aggressive approach by throwing Lauren Conrad back into the spotlight. Kitson may be long gone, but the glory days of the early 2000s will live on as long as girls from The Hills keep getting knocked up.
The human equivalent of the basket of bread the waiter brings you at The Cheesecake Factory recently announced on Instagram that she and her husband of two years, William Tell, are going to be parents.
The Hills girls are all slowly turning into The Bumps (I deserve all the groans for that one). Lauren is about to become a mommy, Audrina Patridge became a mommy last June, Kristin is a mommy three times. Heidi Montag has one child (Spencer Pratt). Meanwhile, my personal favorite Hills girl, Jen Bunney, has been pretty MIA, which is entirely wrong. If 2017 wants to make it up to me, it will bring back that shady bitch Jen Bunney for some reason (find a way, 2017).
LC doesn’t say when her BB is due or anything else like that. But I’m sure we’ll get an update when she figures out some kind of truly-janky DIY pregnancy craft. “Hey everyone, here’s a fun fringed boho crib mobile made out of fabric scraps! All you need is a pair of pinking shears and about 10-15 cashmere onesies from Petit Tresor.”
You’ll find out in a moment how very fitting it is that that picture of mama and baby has been thrown under a murky brown filter. Pink announced yesterday on Instagram that the baby she has been growing inside her for the past 9 months has arrived. Pink and her husband Carey Hart both posted the same picture of Pink holding their second baby, a son, and let everyone know he was born on December 26th. And the name they wrote on the birth certificate is: Jameson Moon Hart. Well I just got a craving to pour some party juice into my morning can of ginger ale. Thanks, Pink and Carey!
Today Jill Duggar and her cat-hating Deliverance-looking husband Derick Dillard announced on their personal website that she is knocked up with their second child. Of course it was accompanied with a cutesy family picture featuring a sign held by Jill and Derick’s first kid, 20-month-old Israel.
“Words can not describe how excited we all are that God has blessed us with another precious gift!
We are eager for another sweet Dillard baby to join our lives, and we know Israel will be a great big brother. Don’t forget to check back here often for updates on our family and our ministry and remember to tune in Counting On on TLC as this pregnancy unfolds! We are so excited!!!”
They also spoke to People magazine about their new baby. Jill says she’s due in July, that they’re “excited,” children are “a wonderful blessing from God” and that they can’t wait to meet the reason that Counting On will get picked up for another season.
Michelle Duggar better scoot on down to her craft room and start hot gluing some felt baby Jesuses on one of the six dozen spare stockings she keeps on hand in case of a pregnancy emergency. Because there’s going to be one more person celebrating Christmas at the Duggar Compound this year. What am I saying? Michelle’s got it covered. I bet she put aside at least 10 stockings the day Jill said “I do” to Derick. She’s probably already bought and wrapped several years worth of below-the-knee denim skirts and $5 vouchers to wherever the male Duggars get their busted haircuts done for all her future grandbabies. Michelle is on it.
Unless Janet Jackson gives birth before the year is over and names her baby Concepción Cristal Alexis, Mick Jagger and his young piece of a girlfriend Melanie Hamrick will take the Celebrity Baby Naming crown for 2016.
73-year-old Mick Jagger became a father for the eighth time last week when his 29-year-old ballerina girlfriend Melanie Hamrick gave birth to their baby boy. One might think that Melanie would keep it all-the-way real by naming her baby D.S. Jagger (Dollar Sign Jagger) and that Mick would go along with it since he’s not going to remember the name anyway. I mean, he’s got the names of a thousand other kids, grandkids and a great-grandkid to remember. I’m glad they didn’t do that, because the name they gave their child is so flawless that it makes me wish that in my next life I will come back as one of Mick Jagger’s spawn so I can say that I’m directly related to someone with a magnificent name. Mick Jagger and his unstoppable sperm fish are going to live to be 1,000, so my wish may come true.
The Mirror says that Mick’s daughter Elizabeth Jagger posted a picture on Instagram of her littlest brother along with his name. (She later deleted that post). Without further ado, Mick and Melanie reportedly named their baby:
Deveraux Octavian Basil!!!!!!