Sad news for Colin Firth. His Bridget Jones co-star Hugh Grant might be too busy to be an effective scandal coach because he’s probably elbow deep in infant poop right about now. Wait, who are we kidding? Hugh’s probably never changed an infant’s diaper in his life (though I wouldn’t put a little adult diaper play past him). Whatever his job at the baby factory is (he might have a “batter chef” only clause, who knows), Hugh’s fifth child has been born and we have Elizabeth Hurley’s big mouth to thank for breaking the news, according to UsWeekly.
Robert Kraft, The Owner Of The Patriots, Says He’s Not The Biological Father Of His Girlfriend’s Baby
Robert Kraft is the 76-year-old billionaire owner of the New England Patriots, and he was married to Myra Kraft for almost 50 years before she died in 2011. They had four kids together. Robert lived the widow life for a minute before he started humping on model/actress Ricki Noel Lander in 2012. I hear you shifty hating bitches saying, “Does she call herself an actress because she has to act like she gets the tingles for that pepaw peen.” I’ll have you know that she played a goblin who turns into a faerie on True Blood, thankyouverymuch!
Page Six says that there were rumors that Robert and 38-year-old Ricki were done for good because they weren’t seen together. But it turns out that she was staying away from public eyes because she was pregnant. Page Six first reported that Ricki birthed out a baby last year, and they said that Robert’s jizz has still got it because he’s the father. But just when we all started to ask why a 76-year-old man would bring a baby into the world when he’s already got to deal with the tantrums and toddler drama of Tom Brady, a rep for the Patriots issued a statement saying that while he’s not the biological father of her baby, he is happy for her. It also seems like Ricki and Robert are still together.
It’s weird to think it wasn’t THAT long ago when you saw Adam Levine doing everything short of wolf-whistling ringside at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Eventually, he got married to one of the Victoria’s Secret models he wolf-whistled at, Behati Prinsloo, and those two have become a domestic rocker/model duo, especially now that she just gave birth to their second baby.
E! News says Behati gave birth to a daughter they named Geo Grace Levine. I really hope I’m not the only one who heard that name and is now seriously considering Netflix and chilling to Gia tonight. Adam and Behati announced they were expecting in September, just a year after she gave birth to their first daughter, Dusty Rose. Adam, however, told Ellen DeGeneres during an interview he didn’t expect this to be their last tater tot:
“I want a lot [of kids], I thrive in chaos. She was an only child, so she wants like 100 babies. I don’t know if I can do that. That’s a lot of babies.”
His so-called “thriving” in chaos certainly explains why he’s been a constant in all 400 seasons of The Voice, but has anyone chatted with Behati? Pushing out a stream of kids just to give Adam the chaos he craves seems a little one-sided in the marriage contract!
Well, when you’re a twink who wants to quickly make the transition to daddy, there’s one easy way to do it: become an actual daddy like Tom Daley is.
Valentine’s Day is usually a day when disgusting 💖~~ so in love ~~💖 couples cause the heaves to crawl up your throat by announcing their engagement in a love-dovey gross picture on Facebook or Instagram. It’s usually not a day when you announce that you’re going to ruin your marriage and sex life by bringing a slobbery ball of coos into your house. But Tom Daley and his husband of 9 months Dustin Lance Black used today, VD, to announce that in a womb somewhere, their child is growing. Tom is 23 years old and DLB is 43 years old. So half of the room is probably shouting “You too young! You should be out there ho-ing it up instead of changing diapers!” at Tom, while the other half of the room is screaming “You too old! You’re gonna have to drag your oxygen tank to your kid’s graduation!” at DLB.
Tom and DLB announced they’re going to be dads by holding up a picture of their fetus’ first picture. Because of Tom’s stage six scared face, this looks more like a hostage photo of them holding up today’s newspaper.
I don’t blame Tom for making a “the hell am I getting myself into?” face. Raising a baby can be a scary thing. Babies are selfish and can suck up all of your time and money. So if Tom wants to hook up with another hot model, he’ll not only have to find the time to do it, but he’ll have to spend money on a hotel too. And why do I have a feeling that Dolce & Gabbana are going to send their friend Tom a custom-made D&G onesie that reads: Child Of Chemistry!
Congratulations are in order for Michael Phelps and his wife Nicole Johnson who recently welcomed 20-100 baby shark pups into their family. Forgive me, I’ve just learned this information is incorrect. Michael and Nicole had just one single human infant. It’s a boy who doesn’t appear to have fins, gills or scales. Michael Phelps may be good at swimming or whatever but he’s basic as fuck when it comes to procreation.
Michael and Nicole introduced baby Beckett Richard Phelps to the world via Instagram.
Baby Beckett is the couple’s second child. He joins brother Boomer who was born in May of 2016. If you asked me to close my eyes and picture a Boomer and a Beckett I’d be picturing a Chocolate lab and an English Bulldog instead of human children. The Phelps do have two dogs though and I wonder if they just got their wires crossed because the dogs are named Michael Jr. and John. Look, the dude is super good at swimming and making babies, don’t expect him to excel at everything in life!
Leave it to Pimp Mama Kris to try to snatch the attention away from Tom Brady and the other football bitches on Super Bowl Sunday. QUICK! Tom Brady, scandalize people again by mouth-kissing your son on camera to bring the attention back to you and football!
20-year-old Kylie Jenner announced today that the newest member of the koven, which she made with 25 year-old Travis Scott, was born on February 1 at 4:34pm. If you’ve got a giant case of the sads today, take a little comfort in knowing that there’s someone out there who is sadder than you and that someone is definitely Tyga. Tyga wishes he would’ve busted a baby-making nut in Kylie so he’d secure a child support check for many years to come.