Rihanna is a busy bee who keeps launching projects like makeup, underwear, movies, luxury goods that I most certainly can’t afford. And much to the dismay of her fans who keep screaming “WHEN WILL WE GET NEW MUSIC?!“, there’s a chance her next big project won’t be an album, but a pregnancy. Who thinks this? Star Magazine, that’s who. So of course there’s a chance this is just some very creative writing from someone who really wanted to picture RiRi with a BiBi. But a source swears that Rihanna is ready for the swollen ankles, heartburn, and tiny feet doing Tae Bo on her bladder, because she’s cutting back on booze. And when a woman cuts back on the booze, that obviously means she wants to get pregnant!
It looks like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s four horsemen of the apokalypse are complete! TMZ reports that Kim K’s surrogate went into labor yesterday and now, several hours later, the baby boy is finally here. I’m sure that surrogate was paid well but let me say: for what they go through (pregnancy), whatever they get paid, surrogates need more. They the ones really deserving of being “self-made billionaires.”
Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge Introduce The Still Nameless Baby Earl Of Dumbarton To The World (UPDATE: His Name Is Archie!)
The two day-old luckiest human in the world was carried out to his royal subjects today for the first time in his life, and as his mom Duchess Meghan and his dad Prince Ginger DILF cheesed at the mouth and said all the things that new parents are supposed to say about their newborn baby, he laid there thinking, “Will you arses tell them my name already, so they can stop calling me by my title, which sounds like Mischa Barton’s nickname on The O.C. set!”
Today is already starting out as the Monday-iest of Mondays for me, because I’ve sunk so low that I’m actually throwing looks of jealousy at a newborn, who was born around forty five seconds ago, because that kid gets to start his life making skin-to-freckled-skin contact with Prince Hot Ginge!
Buckingham Palace put out a statement earlier today, letting us know that after being pregnant for approximately 4,586 weeks, Duchess Meghan started to experience the coochie freak-outs, and not because she spotted a wet PHG coming out of the shower this morning, but because she was going into labor. And not long after they put out that statement, their Instagram page announced that their baby, a boy, had arrived.
Johnny Galecki must’ve been stressing over what to do with his free time once The Big Bang Theory comes to a close at the end of this season. Besides dodging calls from Sara Gilbert to come on to The Conners full-time, he probably pondered taking up golf, collecting luxury cars or traveling the world, but went with option D: becoming a first time father at the age of 43. And who is the lucky lady incubating the little Galecki? (Note: Little Galecki sounds like what a Polish grandmother would call a cute child while pinching the shit out of its plump cheeks.) That would be Alaina Meyer, Johnny’s 21-year-old girlfriend of over a year. Continue reading
Category is: wordless baby announcements!
While Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge’s unborn baby continues to fuck with the British media by staying unborn, causing them to cancel their weekend plans, the likes of Blake NotSoLively and Keira Knightley, who pulled a Blake (or maybe Blake pulled an original KK) announced their own baby news without saying one damn word.