Aaron Paul and his wife Lauren “Pretty Bird” Parsekian of four years announced yesterday that they are expecting a baby and I’m mad. I’m not mad at them, I’m happy for them but I’m mad at People for this:
From Breaking Bad to water breaking!
Really, People? You should have saved that line for the birth announcement!
Ugh, Josh Duggar. The only creature on that beach so gross, the tide wouldn’t take it out.
Earlier this year, Josh Duggar and his apparently in-it-for-the-long-haul wife Anna Duggar announced they were expecting their fifth child, which they may or may not have made during a visit in sex rehab, because why wouldn’t that be something that happened?
Even if Life of Kylie is more like Life of Zzzzz, Kris Jenner has juice for next season on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting a baby via a surrogate, and UsWeekly says the latest offspring will be a salad-eating, Snapchat-loving, “you guyssss”-trilling GIRL!
Sorry Kylie, now you’re really going to have a hard time finding someone to care about your TV show. According to People magazine, the surrogate hired by Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to carry their third child is pregnant.
A source spoke with People about North and Saint West’s upcoming sibling. I don’t actually know the identity of this source, but I’m picturing a hyperventilating Kris Jenner, who is just so excited that Kim was able to secure a decent story line for the next season of KUWTK.
“The entire family is over the moon. Kim had been looking for a surrogate for months until recently when she found the perfect candidate. Given her health scares in the past, Kim felt the need to hire a surrogacy agency that helped serve as the liaison in finding a healthy woman who would be a great surrogate option for her and Kanye. Both of them have been super involved in the process.”
What timing! Here we’ve got the British Royal family expecting a third baby, and now America’s royal family is expecting a third too. Hold on, let me check something – yep, according to this receipt written in flames and screaming souls, I just bought myself a ticket to hell for making that comparison.
According to TMZ, Baby West #3 is due in January. That gives Kim and Kanye four months to do what they need to do to prepare for the baby’s arrival. Like calling up the nanny agency and hiring six to seven new caregivers, and…I’m not sure what else there is for them to do. Oh yeah, picking out a name! I’m sure Kanye is on it. “Kim, help me out…Best West, Prince Baby of Calabasas, or Kanye II?”
Back in July during a Royal visit to Poland, Duchess Kate cracked a joke after receiving a sleep toy for an infant that she and Prince William would just have to put the toy to use by having more babies. Well, look who took that joke seriously? Prince William must have dimmed the 16th Century chandeliers, lit a currant scone-scented candle (England’s most sensual candle choice), put on some dancing music, and romanced Duchess Kate into her third baby-making night. That’s totally how it went down, right?
Every tiny little baby with the tennis gene just got very nervous and started thinking of a new sport to get into, because the future tennis champion of the universe (we’ll be hitting balls on Mars by then, right?) has been born.