Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.
red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.
Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.”
With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.
And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
That’s right, Officer Gary from Friends seems to love Chris Brown. Michael Rapaport was motivated to leap to Chris Brown’s defense during a recent episode of his podcast I Am Rapaport. Go ahead and cue up Randy Newman’s You’ve Got A Friend in Me for this one.
Aziz Ansari hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend and his monologue was just him doing stand-up. And since his episode happened the day after the inauguration, his jokes were mostly about Trump. Aziz probably expected his monologue would trigger a Twitter tantrump. Instead, the person who slapped at him the next morning was Chris Brown. Sorry, I really should have specified that it was a verbal slapping. It is Chris Brown we’re talking about, after all.
It felt like every celebrity and their semi-famous dog had let everyone know what side they were on during this election. You had people dressing up as their favorite candidate for Halloween and gingers fighting on Twitter for candidate supremacy and Malcolm’s Dad threatening to move to Canada if Trump wins and Third Eye Blind trolling the RNC. Lots of people had feelings. One person who kept their lips sealed was Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift never said if she was “with her.” She also never endorsed Donald Trump, and I’m sure that really hurt his feelings, because she looks like what he would choose if he could replace Tiffany.
America’s fart-loving, sink-pissing sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence is currently shooting that movie Passengers with Chris Pratt in Atlanta. Jennifer Lawrence’s newest best friend forever and ever Amy Schumer was recently in Atlanta with Aziz Ansari, because their comedy tour made a stop there. While Chris, JLaw, Amy and Aziz were together in the same city, they had a slumber party and they showed bits of it on Instagram. You know, because if famous hos have a slumber party and they don’t Instagram it, that slumber party never happened.
Three members of the newly formed Farts And Sink Pissers Squad reunited again last night in NYC. Amy Schumer hosted Saturday Night Live and they all hung out together at the after-party. And after the after-party, JLaw reminded us that she’s the ~quirkiest~ and ~goofiest~ star in Hollywood by giving Aziz Ansari a piggyback ride into their hotel. Two things:
1. Brit Brit Spears wore that outfit much, much better in her video for Sometimes. I don’t even know why Jennifer Lawrence tried it.
2. Jennifer Lawrence is my kind of friend. I hate walking, because it takes energy, and so I could use a friend who’d carry me into places. Although, I’d make JLaw wear rubber gloves, because I wouldn’t want her nasty piss hands touching my jeans.