Today, I am that dude in the background patiently awaiting for Prince Hot Ginge to heat up every inch of his body by giving him an extra warm ginger hug.
As those royal lazies Prince William, Duchess Kate, Prince George and Princess Charlotte took the whole weekend off, the hottest benefits scrounger (copyright: Morrissey) in Britain and beyond went back to work in London after causing the streets of DC to fill with gallons of coochie cream. One of PHG’s favorite charities, Walking With The Wounded, ended their 1,000 mile marathon journey through Britain in front of his memaw’s city pied-à-terre, Buckingham Palace, on Sunday and he was there to cheer their asses on.
“What is this thing? Is it food? Is it a toy? Why am I holding it? Is this what a baby corgi is? It’s not going to take my crown, is it? I’ve got my eye on you, soft baby corgi thing.”
Earlier today, Prince William and Duchess Kate released the first official portrait of five-week-old Baby Princess Charlotte. Thanks to the fourteen billion cameras waiting outside the Lindo Wing on the day she was born, we already sort of knew what she looked like. Well, now we know what she looks like when she’s awake and being snuggled on by her big brother Toddler Prince George. All together now: “AWWWWWWWWWWW.”
Shortly after Kensington Palace tweeted the first shot of BPC and TPG, they tweeted that the pictures were taken by Duchess Kate in mid-May, so that means Baby Princess Charlotte is still a pretty new baby. But she’s already very adorable, and that has me all kinds of jealous. Not too long ago, I was looking at baby pictures of myself, and I looked like a cooked cocktail shrimp until I hit the 3-month mark. BPC is lucky – she’ll never look back at her baby pictures and think “Why do I look like I’m about to be dipped in some zesty ketchup sauce?”
Kensington Palace also released a couple extra pics of BPC and TPG being adorable with each other, which is very generous of them, but there’s a crucial element of cute missing. Where’s Lupo the doggie?!? These pictures of BPC and TPG are nothing without Lupo trying to give his tiny humans slobbery doggie kisses.
And here’s a story to slightly melt your frozen vodka cube of a dead heart on the day before Jesus’ born day…..
The New York Daily News brought us this video and story from Brazil of a run-or-die dog friend who chased after an ambulance that was carrying his human. The NYDN says that the dog’s human had a seizure and when an ambulance showed up to take him to the hospital, the devoted dog didn’t want to leave him. The ambulance took off and so did the dog. Celiomar Ferreira do Couto, the paramedic who shot the video, says that the dog ran alongside the ambulance until they stopped and picked him up after realizing he wasn’t going to give up. Once they got to the hospital, the dog stuck by his human’s side. Celiomar said that they were all touched by the dog’s devotion to his human:
“We arrive in events sometimes and have animals that are shy, do not let us get close. But not this reaction. You get touched by the situation, right? Because (it shows) the love the animal has for the owner.”
The hospital hasn’t said how the patient is doing.
That dog must be the Brazilian cousin of Buddy, the dog from Texas from hitched a ride on the outside step of the ambulance carrying his human. Dogs really are the best, but with that said, my dog would never turn into Usain Bolt for me. The only way he’d chase after an ambulance if it was full of bacon and the only way he’d stick by my sick side if I owed him money. He’s a cat when it comes to shit involving using energy.
Here’s the video which might make you feel things. It’s best if you play it on mute while listening to Whitney Houston’s “Run To You.”
I hope that when that dog got on the ambulance, he slapped those paramedics down for making his ass run that far before helping a bitch out.
I now interrupt our regularly scheduled fuckery to bring you this video of Tumblr’s Co-Prince Tom Hiddleston making your mistletoe quiver by singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” with country musician Rodney Crowell. Tom is working with Rodney on the soundtrack to the Hank Williams biopic I Saw The Light and he took a break from working to spread some holiday cheer while the Hiddlestoners fill their panties with fresh eggnog.
Tom added another layer of AWWW to this video by singing that song while an adorable dog friend name Mono sat on his lap.
Something’s going on with Mono. He’s going through something. Either he’s a secret Cumberbitch and wants nothing to do with the scene going on here. Or sitting on Tom Hiddleston’s lap has caused him to be pregnant and he’s fighting morning sickness.
You really ain’t right if you’re wondering why I’m posting another Miley Cyrus post. Baby Prince George doesn’t deserve that comparison.
Duchess Kate and Prince William released three portraits of the future 17-month-old King of England, Baby Prince George, being a baby on the steps of Kensington Palace. UsWeekly says that the pictures were taken in November and the royals are releasing them now, because they know you’ll want to print them out, frame them and put them on your mantel before Christmas times. The photographer really captured Baby Prince George being pure Baby Prince George, because in that picture above he’s making a smirk like he sees a brat playing with one of his toys and he just wants to strangle them. Pure BPG!
Prince Hot Ginge’s future drinking partner isn’t only serving FACE in these portraits, he’s serving FASHION too. Every menswear designer in Paris has to cut their weekend short and go back into the office tomorrow. They’ll have to scrap everything they’ve worked on because next season is all about black knee socks, nun shoes and knitted Queen’s Guard vests. Baby Prince George sets the fashion bar.
After the cut are two more pictures of BPG looking like a miniature old man.
Mondays are disgusting and gross and nobody should have to live through them, but they’re a little less disgusting and gross when you can rinse out the Monday crust from your eyes with these pictures of Prince Hot Ginge looking like an extra derpy wascally wabbit running from Elmer Fudd while playing touch rugby with a bunch of kids.
While Duchess Kate and Prince William continued to whore out every single detail of the standby king or queen baking in her uterus royale, someone in that family did ACTUAL work. At the Eccles RFC (whatever that means) in Manchester, England this morning, Uncle Hot Ginge took part in a teacher training session which included a game of touch rugby. I’m beginning to think that my mother did me wrong by having me 25 years too early and not moving to England right after she had me, because if she did I could be the one playing touch rugby with PHG. The most star-studded shit that happened to me in school was the time Tina Yothers came to visit us and it was square pizza day, so her visit was the second most exciting thing to happen that day.
These pictures once again tell me that PHG will make a perfect husband. He’s a ginge, he’s got access to those royal jewels, he’ll forever get that benefits money, he has sweet moves, he can teach you how to snort vodka when doctors tell you to cut back on drinking booze and he looks like he genuinely likes kids. So he can entertain the brats in the backyard of Buckingham Palace while you and THE QUEEN get drunk on spiked Earl Grey tea while gossiping about the ugly dress that slut tramp trollop Cumilla wore to the Downton Abbey viewing party.
And yes, this picture has already made a morning appearance in my Photoshop.