Aaron Tveit Beat Himself To Win Best Actor In A Musical At Last Night’s Tony Awards

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, this year’s 74th Annual Tony Awards were actually last year’s Tony Awards, which was postponed since Broadway went dark. So the productions that were honored last night were from the 2019-2020 season. The Tony nominations were announced way back in October 2020, only one person was nominated in the category of Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical: Aaron Tveit, for Moulin Rouge!. If you’ve never gambled on showbiz-based odds in your life, last night was the night to call Las Vegas and dump your life savings in the Leading Actor race, because shock of all shocks, Aaron won in his category. But there were some pleasant surprises as well. For example, it’s Tony-Winner David Alan Grier now.

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The Live Stream Of Stephen Sondheim’s 90th Birthday Celebration Concert Was Extra Dramatic Due To Technical Difficulties

Last night’s live stream broadcast of Broadway.com’s Take Me to the World: A Sondheim 90th Birthday Celebration gave all the Anne Hathaway types their lives, but it also shaved precious minutes off said lives due to a harrowing period of technical difficulties which can be summed up by the face host Raúl Esparza is making above. If the show hadn’t ultimately given us the cultural high watermark of Christine Baranski, Meryl Streep, and Audra McDonald in their bathrobes getting litty 2 titty while singing The Ladies Who Zoom, I mean Lunch, it might have been a complete disaster.

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Audra McDonald Is Not Here For People Taking Pictures While She’s Nude Onstage

True thespians take their craft seriously, so they’ll do whatever the role calls for. Audra McDonald is one of those types of actors so she fully commits to whatever role she plays. That’s why when her new play Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune requested she be nude for part of the show, she threw her clothes to the side and gladly said, “I’M READY!” However, I’m sure she wasn’t expecting some sneaky perv to be in the audience with their phone out whispering, “I’m ready too baby..“, in a creepy voice. Yet and still, that’s exactly what happened according to her.

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ICYMI: Doogie Howser Dry Humps Orlando Bloom’s Face While Wearing A Christmas Lights Skirt

“Hello, this is Mr. John Travolta. I would like to audition for the lead role of Hedwig in Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I can provide my own wigs and you don’t have to pay me. I’ll pay you!” said John Travolta to the producers of Hedwig and the Angry Inch after seeing Neil Patrick Harris’ performance on the Tonys last night. Because John Travolta’s wet dream role is a role where he gets to sing, crotch thrust, work the lace front right off of a glamorous wig AND face hump and crotch grind on a hot piece without worrying about that hot piece running off to The National Enquirer.

Here’s Doogie Howser MD running around the stage of Radio City Music Hall like a Great Granny McCool in heat while performing “Sugar Daddy” (Side question: What happened to the country twang in “Sugar Daddy”???) from Hedwig at the Tonys last night. When Doogie wasn’t dry boning giant speakers and going to second base with a broken down car, he graced Orlando Bloom’s face with the tucked peen that was smushed up against his taint and stabbed Kevin Bacon’s thighs with his bony ass bones when he sat on that trick’s lap. And Doogie Howser gets paid to do that. We should all find some time in our day to call our parents and scream at them for not forcing us into show business as kids so we could grow up and star in a Broadway musical where we’d get to give Kevin Bacon a lap dance and get paid to do it.

I really wish those crazy hyenas at Twelve Moms With No Life One Million Moms were watching, because their computers and heads probably exploded at the same time when Neil Patrick Harris gave his partner David Burtka a sloppy, wet kiss while dressed as a woman. Or those One Million Moms rubbed themselves raw to that image, because that’s the kind of outrage fuel they live for.

And here’s pictures of Doogie with his Tony Award (which he got for Best Actor in a Musical) and pictures of the other acting winners including six-time Tony winner Audra McDonald, Bryan Cranston (for his role as Walter White in Breaking Bad the Musical, I wish), Lena Hall (for Best Supporting Actress in a Musical for Hedwig), Mark Rylance (for Best Supporting Actor in a Play for Twelfth Night), James Monroe Iglehart (for Best Supporting Actor in a Musical for Aladdin), Sophie Okonedo (for Best Supporting Actress in a Play for A Raisin in the Sun) and Jessie Mueller (for Best Actress in a Musical for Beautiful: The Carole King Musical).

Pics: Wenn.com

So (Yes, I Almost Typed “Sew”), About That “Sound Of Music Live” Show….

A good old-fashioned, family-friendly musical about a nun turned home wrecking gold digger should be one of my favorites, but The Sound of Music never totally did it for me. The Baroness aside, it lacks the glamour, rhinestones and exposed nipples I look for in a musical with Nazi shit in it (see: Cabaret). So I wasn’t one of those hos screaming, “BLASPHEMY! JULIE ANDREWS CANNOT BE REPLACED! I’M GOING TO BURN THIS CITY DOWN,” while going into last night’s 13-hour-long Sound of Music snoozetacular. Julie Andrews wasn’t the first Maria and there’s been a million Marias after her. It’s not like the role of Maria is as sacred as the role of Cristal Connors in Showgirls. It’s just Maria! But when Carrie Underwood started acting, I sort of became one of those crazed Julie Andrews groupies.

Carrie Underwood put the wood in Underwood. Her singing and yodeling were good, but her talking… Those community theater set pieces were more captivating and human than her. My iPhone is in the red and it has more life in it than Carrie did last night. Shit, even if it died it would have more life in it. For a second there I thought that maybe Carrie is a thespian genius and was making a controversial acting choice. Maybe she was playing Maria as though Maria was brainwashed by Hitler and was working as a spy for the Nazis. She had a glazed look in her eyes like her brain had been taken over by another force. If she was playing one of Tommy Girl’s beard wives, she would’ve nailed it!

Even her damn praying wasn’t believable! Carrie is practically the Christian golden child and she couldn’t even fake pray right. God was up there thinking to himself, “Err, put some stank on it, my child.” But Carrie did bring something new to the role. When Mother Abbess tells Maria through song to climb that man and get that dick, I saw something I’ve never seen in that scene before. When Mother Abbess sang “Cliiiiiiiiiimb every mountaaaaaaiiiin, search high and low, ” she really wanted to sing, “Cliiiiiimb out that windaaaaaah, get outta my face.” Mother Abbess didn’t care about Maria finding her true life. Mother Abbess just wanted Maria to get out of her life. I see you, Mother Abbess. I see you trying to pawn Maria off on Captain Von Trapp, because her lack of human emotions and animatronic mannerisms are creeping you out. Right after Maria left the abbey, Mother Abbess probably called Captain Von Trapp up and told him that if he doesn’t take Maria off her back she’ll tell everyone he’s a vampire.

And as for Vampire Beeeehl….. I’m going to assume that Vampire Beehl was suffering from a serious case of diarrhea and clenched his ass cheeks the entire time. If he put too much umpf into his singing, his chonies would’ve come alive with the sound of squirting.

On a positive note, Audra McDonald and Laura Benanti stole every scene they were in and saved the show. Captain Von Trapp should’ve been arrested when he chose the wooden Swiss Miss statue over the glamorous Baroness Elsa!

Despite the Carrie Underwood hate, the Sound of Music Live! was a hit and had huge ratings. So I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before NBC announces that next December they will do West Side Story Live! starring Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus as Maria and Tony respectively. Yeah, they’re doing the all-black version.

After the cut are most of the performances from last night.  Continue reading