Easter is that holiday where everyone hides gin or their choice of sin sauce in eggs around the house and backyard to go find and take a quick shot just so you can stomach a brunch buffet with whatever relatives you’re having to deal with this year. At least, that’s how we celebrate it in in my house. Presumably, that’s how the Trump’s celebrate it, too, (along with every other day of the year) because – pending divorce be damned – Donald Trump Jr. and Vanessa Trump spent it together down at Mar-a-Lago. Continue reading
It sounds like things between Aubrey O’Day and Donald Trump Jr. were a little more serious than foot photos and song inspiration. If we can believe a new report, Little Donnie was looking to put a bun in the Aubrey oven.
UsWeekly says Don Jr. was torn up something RULL bad when he and Aubrey split after his now-estranged-wife Vanessa Trump found out about them. A source says Don Jr. really wished he could quit Aubrey and wanted to spawn with her:
“Don told Aubrey he wanted to have a baby with her. They were trying for one.”
We’ve (ok, maybe just I) had Eric Trump pegged to be the softy of the Crabbe and Goyle duo, but maybe it’s been Don Jr. all along:
“He’d call Aubrey and leave long voicemails telling her he still loved her over and over. He’d cry and say he was nervous his wife would take the kids away.”
Ha! The same boob who is a grown-ass man with a dad in the White House who finds time in the day to post memes to Instagram? I think the real story is we should demand a paternity test to make sure this crybaby is actually Donald Trump’s son! I’m pretty sure the only time Daddy Trump (which I’m sure is a name he likes [insert porn actress name here] to call him) ever cries is when Jeff Sessions refuses to ride a stick pony around the perimeter of the room at cabinet meetings!
All of us spring chickens had reason to watch March Madness last night (sorry, the only bracket I fill out is for RuPaul’s Drag Race) because it bled into Stormy Daniels talking about spanking Donald Trump on 60 Minutes. But while Stormy talked (sort of), someone who most certainly will not be coming forward to talk about her time under a Trump is Aubrey O’Day. Continue reading
You know the answer to that without me telling you. The answer should always be: the highly-esteemed literary journal of this generation The Daily Mail.
After we were all hit in the face with a slimy ball of random in the form of the rumor that Donald Trump Jr. fucked Aubrey O’Day while his wife was pregnant with their third child, the Columbia-educated investigative journalists at The Daily Mail went to work to look for proof of their affair. They may have found some. If you’re Quentin Tarantino, this story and pictures will test your slobbery love of feet. If you’re not Quentin Tarantino, this story and pictures will test your ability to hold down barf. Because this post contains at least one picture of Jabba the Trump Jr.’s hoof.
Our stomachs aren’t going to make it through this year… First, many prepared to wet heave up their insides after it was wrongly reported that Stormy Daniels’ lawyer claimed they’ve got pictures of Donald Trump’s chipotle-dipped dick. And now we’re hearing that another living human actually said, “Ok!”, to doing Donald Trump Jr. The night that Jabba the Trump became the Overlord of the United States, overused bronzer puff Aubrey O’Day re-tweeted anti-Trump tweets, and when someone tweeted at her, “really? But you was on trump show!!! Why are you mad that the checks stopped coming!“, she dropped this dramatic foreboding nugget:
“No. my story I didn’t tell is worth millions now 😉 …this doesn’t hurt me, it hurts America.”
Many figured that she had a story involving Trump’s pussy grabbin’ claws of doom, but the story is that Aubrey rubbed her bare parts all over Don Jr’s no-neck area while his wife Vanessa Trump was pregnant with their third child. Picturing Don Jr. slamming his naked carcass against Aubrey O’Day is causing my already-tortured eyes to burn. Do-do you got a first aid kit handy? But really, a member of Danity Kane being a part of an ESCANDALO with a Trump in this day and age? Welcome to 2018.
Because I’m a Grade-A, red-blooded, diva-loving gay gay gay, there is really no better medicine post-breakup than taking a bottle of rosé to the face, watching hours of Sex and the City, and thinking, “At least you ain’t as fucked in the head as Carrie Bradshaw,” before flopping into bed and crying myself to sleep to Danity Kane. Well, I wonder if that would be a bit too meta for Aubrey O’Day, because E! reports she is no longer riding Pauly D’s D. What?! Say it ain’t so! Who gets custody of the joint account at Sun Tan City?!?!?!