Glamour’s annual Women of the Year award happened last night in Hollywood and the dress code must’ve been: MESS! Because most of them were.
Gwen Stefani (in the gallery) looked like an off-brand quinceañera Barbie and Zendaya (also in the gallery) wore some floral glove things that made it look like she just double fisted a flower fairy. And then there was Amber Heard whose dress looks like it was made out of the dusty curtains, crib skirt and pillow trim from an old-timey rich baby girl’s nursery. That dress is what Miss Havisham would wear if she was finally evicted from Satis House and had to make coins by selling ass at a brothel.
Amber hasn’t worked many red carpets ever since she settled her divorce from the angry scarf rack, so maybe she purposefully wore something busted. That way reporters wouldn’t ask her about Johnny Depp, because they’d be too busy wondering who and what the hell she’s wearing. Well played!
And here’s a zillion more pictures from last night including Lena Dunham who worked baby bangs and a constipated face.
The SI: Swimsuit Issue former cover girl vs. non-skinny current cover girl cage match continues. Even though Ashley Graham recently let Cheryl Tiegs know that she truly doesn’t care what she or any other concerned person thinks about her non-skinny body on the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue, Cheryl Tiegs has more to say to Ashley.
Cheryl wrote an open letter to Ashley on The Huffington Post in an attempt to clarify the comments she made last week about how irresponsible it is for Sports Illustrated to glamorize Ashley’s obviously unhealthy body. (I say “obviously” because Dr. Oz told Cheryl so.) Cheryl wants Ashley to know that the original question wasn’t specifically about her and that the media has “manufactured” a feud between the two of them. Um, is now a bad time to remind Cheryl that technically she’s the one who manufactured the feud with that backhanded compliment about Ashley’s “beautiful, beautiful” face?
Cheryl goes on to say that she wasn’t equating beauty to weight, but that she was just trying to school the fatties of America on their “lack of education” about healthy choices and increased obesity-related health issues, like diabetes and heart disease. In regards to what qualifies Cheryl as such an expert on health, she wants you to know she got her facts from the Center for Disease Control, Harvard, and the American Diabetes Association in addition to what she learned watching Dr. Oz from the comfort of her couch.
As for her comment about having one foot in the grave if your waist is larger than 35 inches (FYI: Ashley says hers is 29.5), Cheryl admits that hers is 37 inches. So I guess Cheryl’s next open letter will be to herself?
She closed it by apologizing to Ashley if her words offended her (aka sorry-not-sorry’s formal cousin) and congratulating her on influencing women to love their bodies. Which is so lazy of her. If you’re going to commit to a Facebook-style passive aggressive open letter, everyone knows you wrap it up with the words “I mean, I’m just sayin…’“.
Here’s Ashley, who probably took Cheryl’s unopened open letter and slipped it directly into the trash, on GMA this morning.
One week ago, former bikini model Cheryl Tiegs pulled out her Dr. Oz Book of “Facts” and slapped at Sports Illustrated for glamorizing unhealthy non-skinnies by putting current bikini model Ashley Graham on the cover of the 2016 Swimsuit Issue. (Cheryl did throw one compliment at Ashley by describing her face as “beautiful, beautiful“, which I guess is Cheryl’s version of “great gowns, beautiful gowns.”) Later she tried to clarify what she meant, which…didn’t really make it sound any better. Now one week later, Ashley is slapping back at Cheryl to E! News. Maybe slapping isn’t the right word; it’s really more of a bored wave, because Ashley doesn’t give a fuck about Cheryl or her armchair diagnosis.
“Cheryl Tiegs may have said what she said and it may have hurt a lot of peoples feelings, but my skin is so thick. I kind of rolled my eyes, I was like, ‘Oh whatever, another one of these ladies.’ But what’s great is that—the fact that she said it—it means that other women think like her. And what that means is that we really need to change the industry. There are too many people thinking they can look at a girl my size and say that we are unhealthy. You can’t, only my doctor can!”
“But first, I’d like to talk to Cheryl about what years of sucking back pack after pack of Virgina Slims have done to her lungs” said Ashley’s doctor.
I do love that Ashley gave an honest answer. When it comes to getting health advice from a lady who looks like she isn’t a stranger to holding up the line at BevMo by demanding they accept her expired 5-cent sale flyer as a coupon, “whatever” truly says it all. But in case that “whatever” wasn’t clear enough for Cheryl, maybe Sports Illustrated could send her a complimentary pack of stick-on googly eyes with a note instructing her to save them for all future covers featuring non-skinny models. That way, the next time she decides to bust out some obesity truth, she can shake the cover, watch their eyes roll, and say, “Okay, I get it. I’ll shut up now.”
Has anybody checked on Cheryl Tiegs to see if she needs medical attention? Because I’m sure she nearly appalled herself into a coma after seeing Ashley Graham (aka the model Cheryl thinks is too fat for the cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition) in this truly demure gown.
Ashley Graham was at the Vanity Fair Oscar party where she made sure that everyone there knew that she has tits. I mean, she framed her chichis with a red curtain and made them look like twin fire engine steering wheels. Ashley should’ve really made sure that everyone saw her tits by putting two blinking arrows on her shoulders that pointed down to her wondrous chichi balls. That whole ensemble is very “stripper working the room on Valentine’s Day.”
Ashley was on E! before the Oscars and said it was very hard for her to find a dress:
“Trying to find a dress for the Oscars, a girl my size, [with] these girls this size — I mean, it has been a whole job in itself.”
Obviously trying to find a dress for the Oscars was hard for Ashley. After hours of shopping, Ashley just said fuck it and she took one of her mom’s old Christmas Eve dresses, cut the tits part out, threw on a bra, decorated her chichis with red tape and called it good. Or she just bought that dress on Yandy.
Personally, I don’t like seeing a pair of imprisoned chichis, but yet she somehow manages to make it look like the pinnacle of elegance.
True-to-life terminator Ronda Rousey is punching and kicking the blood and snot out of this year’s Sports Illustrated “Swimsuit Issue” cover. They better have put her on the cover. No one wants a blonde death machine flinging the desks about in the editorial department.
Rousey tweeted that she was honored to share the cover with fellow bikini jockeys Ashley Graham and Hailey Clauson. The magazine has released three different covers for the annual issue this year. Collect all of them for your fapping pleasure!
In other intriguing swimsuit issue news, Sports Illustrated has discovered that beauty is not just a size zero. It might even be a size 2, according to SI Associate Managing Editor MJ Day.
“The three covers of Hailey, Ronda and Ashley celebrate the new SI Swimsuit. All three women are beautiful, sexy and strong. Beauty is not cookie cutter. Beauty is not ‘one size fits all.’ Beauty is all around us and that became especially obvious to me while shooting and editing this year’s issue.”
WRONG. The beauty standard should be emaciation with huge tits! This is America, you wrong-headed weirdos. My fupa should be chased through the streets with torches and pitchforks!
Check out Ronda, Ashley and Hailey finding out they’re sharing the cover this year below. You’ll also notice that host Nick Cannon looks like his post-Mimi marriage wilding out bender is mid-full swing.
See all of the covers in the gallery.
Pics: Sports Illustrated