Being trapped in a vehicle and driving Kim Kardashian around sounds like the kind of job that would get real old really fast. You’d be constantly trying to figure out if the annoying vibrating sounds you’re hearing are from the engine or Kim’s drowsy baby voice. Your back seats will have to be replaced every four-to-six trips due to Kim’s ass wearing a giant misshapen groove in them. One of Kim’s Paris drivers won’t have to worry about how they’re going to tell her they can’t take it anymore and need to le quit, because they’re probably going to get le fired first.
And in a PLOT TWIST that may shock everyone who thought that the Kartrashian jewelry heist was a staged scheme for attention and insurance purposes, the people that were arrested didn’t include Kim Kartrashian herself, Kanye West, Pimp Mama Kris and producers from E! for falsifying a crime for ratings. So we’re not going to get the image of little Ryan Seacrest kicking and screaming as French police put him into Just My Size™ handcuffs.
“Don’t look to your left too fast or your that camera lens will be covered with fillers and tissue after your face explodes from seeing that much beauty up close.” – Jocelyn Wildenstein’s man to himself in that picture.
Last week, the 100% plastic feline jewel was arrested and slapped with feliney assault charges for allegedly going pussy gone rabid on her longtime man Lloyd Klein by clawing him, cutting him up with scissors and throwing a metal tray at him in her Trump World Tower apartment in Manhattan. Jocelyn was released back into the wild without having to post bail and went back to her apartment. But the cat scratch drama was hardly over.
Judge Reinhold, a man who has played both a pretend judge and a cartoon judge on television because his name is “Judge“, will soon face a real judge. The “Who’s on first?“-style jokes practically write themselves.
Somewhere there’s a bunch of high-strung worried moms that are thinking: “See? I just knew cigarettes were a gateway to hard drugs!”
The Sun says that back in September, Madonna’s 16-year-old son Rocco Ritchie was arrested for possession of marijuana about two miles from his father Guy Ritchie’s home. I’m not sure why we’re just hearing about this almost two months later. You know, considering we were practically given unsolicited up-to-the-minute updates from Madonna regarding her last situation with Rocco and Rocco’s daddy.
I’m not even going to make you guess what it was for, because I’m 99.9% sure that everyone who read that headline just said “For fighting someone, right?“. Although to be honest, guessing that Katt Williams got arrested for fighting is right up there with answering “Yes” to the question “Is cheese delicious?” on the list of Questions With Truly Obvious Answers.
TMZ says that Katt Williams, seen above working The Nolte for the latest mugshot in his collection, was arrested for battery of a female employee at the Sportsman’s Lodge restaurant in Sherman Oaks, CA on Sunday morning. This marks the second time this year that Katt Williams was arrested for beating down an employee at a restaurant, was accused of whooping a woman, and the second time this month that he’s gotten into trouble. Does Katt Williams have a Times I’ve Fucked Up punch card he’s trying to fill?
The details of the fight are kind of murky. All TMZ really knows is that a female employee alleged that Katt Williams attacked her. According to police, the employee had visible minor injuries and was pretty adamant that they arrest Katt for battery. How the alleged fight started, no one can really say. But since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, do we really even need a reason why? I’m sure Katt Williams himself doesn’t require a reason to go full-Katt Williams on someone.
Katt was taken into custody around 2:40pm and was released around 6:30pm after posting $20,000 bail. And before Katt walked out the door of the police station, he turned to the booking officer and started belting out “We’ll Meet Again.” That didn’t actually happen, but I like to think that one of these days it will.
Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff