“Don’t look to your left too fast or your that camera lens will be covered with fillers and tissue after your face explodes from seeing that much beauty up close.” – Jocelyn Wildenstein’s man to himself in that picture.
Last week, the 100% plastic feline jewel was arrested and slapped with feliney assault charges for allegedly going pussy gone rabid on her longtime man Lloyd Klein by clawing him, cutting him up with scissors and throwing a metal tray at him in her Trump World Tower apartment in Manhattan. Jocelyn was released back into the wild without having to post bail and went back to her apartment. But the cat scratch drama was hardly over.
Judge Reinhold, a man who has played both a pretend judge and a cartoon judge on television because his name is “Judge“, will soon face a real judge. The “Who’s on first?“-style jokes practically write themselves.
Somewhere there’s a bunch of high-strung worried moms that are thinking: “See? I just knew cigarettes were a gateway to hard drugs!”
The Sun says that back in September, Madonna’s 16-year-old son Rocco Ritchie was arrested for possession of marijuana about two miles from his father Guy Ritchie’s home. I’m not sure why we’re just hearing about this almost two months later. You know, considering we were practically given unsolicited up-to-the-minute updates from Madonna regarding her last situation with Rocco and Rocco’s daddy.
I’m not even going to make you guess what it was for, because I’m 99.9% sure that everyone who read that headline just said “For fighting someone, right?“. Although to be honest, guessing that Katt Williams got arrested for fighting is right up there with answering “Yes” to the question “Is cheese delicious?” on the list of Questions With Truly Obvious Answers.
TMZ says that Katt Williams, seen above working The Nolte for the latest mugshot in his collection, was arrested for battery of a female employee at the Sportsman’s Lodge restaurant in Sherman Oaks, CA on Sunday morning. This marks the second time this year that Katt Williams was arrested for beating down an employee at a restaurant, was accused of whooping a woman, and the second time this month that he’s gotten into trouble. Does Katt Williams have a Times I’ve Fucked Up punch card he’s trying to fill?
The details of the fight are kind of murky. All TMZ really knows is that a female employee alleged that Katt Williams attacked her. According to police, the employee had visible minor injuries and was pretty adamant that they arrest Katt for battery. How the alleged fight started, no one can really say. But since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, do we really even need a reason why? I’m sure Katt Williams himself doesn’t require a reason to go full-Katt Williams on someone.
Katt was taken into custody around 2:40pm and was released around 6:30pm after posting $20,000 bail. And before Katt walked out the door of the police station, he turned to the booking officer and started belting out “We’ll Meet Again.” That didn’t actually happen, but I like to think that one of these days it will.
Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff
Don’t panic. Members of congress didn’t unanimously vote to criminalize swearing in the United States while you were busy couch napping this weekend. And thank god, because if swearing was illegal, I’d probably end up serving 16 consecutive life sentences for the nastiness that comes out of my toilet mouth. This actually happened at an event in St. Kitts in the Caribbean, and it was all because 50 Cent said the word “motherfucker.”
According to TMZ, 50 Cent was booked to host an event in St. Kitts on Saturday night. 50 Cent’s rep claims he was only scheduled to host, but he ended up performing “P.I.M.P.” Sources say he was warned ahead of time not to cuss, because certain swear words are illegal there (Ned Flanders is totally booking his next vacation in St. Kitts). But as you can see, 50 Cent clearly forgot about that whole “no swearing” thing.
One of the 40,000 people in attendance must not have appreciated 50 Cent’s repeated use of the word “motherfucker“, because the police were waiting for him after the show. 50 was arrested, taken to the police station, and booked for using profanity in public. He has since paid a fine and has returned home. His rep released a statement saying that the concert was a success, and adds that the next time 50 Cent goes to St. Kitts, he’ll “leave the motherfuckers in the United States.”
50 Cent is as good at staying out of legal trouble as he is at not being an asshole, apparently. Honestly, how difficult would it have been to not say motherfucker? Motherfucker turns into anything. Mother father. Muppet fluffer. Mustard brother. Macaroni. Monday Friday. Obviously none of those make any mother fucking sense. But if it came down to saying “motherfucker” or spending time in a Caribbean jail cell, my vote is singing about a mustard brother.
A little more than a month after being released early from jail for good behavior, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, is back in again. The fuck-up is truly strong with this one. Page Six says that Screech was arrested in Wisconsin on Wednesday after violating the terms of his parole.
An official wouldn’t say how he violated the terms. Maybe he showed the terms a clip of his sex tape? But they did confirm that he was in custody due to a probation whoopsie. Screech was put away for pulling a switchblade on a guy in a bar and stabbing him, so the obvious guess would be that his probation officer caught within 100 feet of a bar or a switchblade or the guy or something. However, sources tells TMZ that Screech’s arrest is drug related. Goddamn it, Screech, didn’t you learn anything from that PSA you made with Brandon Tartikoff? There’s no hope with dope!
I know that Dustin Diamond is like a moth to a forever fucking up flame, but damn if he didn’t go back to jail sooner than I expected. It’s barely been six weeks. Not to mention that only last week he was on Extra telling Mario Lopez that he wanted to put the “tomfoolery and malarkey” behind him and focus on starting a family. Maybe he missed jail too much and wanted to go back. But why? Who misses being in jail? Were Screech and his fellow inmates keeping themselves entertained by acting out old episodes of Saved by the Bell, and his early release fucked up the production schedule? “Look, I need to get back inside. They’re doing the fake IDs episode next week, and I’m the only one who knows the blocking for the scene at The Attic!”