The thing that surprised me the most from this story is the fact that Ariana Grande is allegedly a vegan. I’m not sure how that’s possible when you’re lugging around 90 pounds of horse mane on the top of your head, but I guess her vegan principles don’t apply to appearance.
Earlier this week, Ari unleashed a signature drink at Starbucks called the Cloud Macchiato, which she then tried to suggest as a vegan option by using soy milk. Of course the real vegans were watching from the sidelines waiting to drag her by the ponytail for telling lies, because the Cloud Macchiato can NEVER be a vegan option since it includes dairy.
I never thought I’d long for the days when shameless pop princess product plugging was limited to Plenty of Fish showing up in every damn music video or Britney Spears spritzing on her own perfume line anytime a camera rolled. Alas, this is 2019, and these chanteuses have to find some way to follow in the self-made (COUGH) footsteps of Kylie Jenner. Probably because she was tired of hearing Michael K call her Ariana Grande Latte, Ariana Grande is now partnering with Starbucks to offer an Ariana Grande La—only kidding. That’d be too easy. She and Starbucks are promoting the new Cloud Macchiato because Ari likes to use the cloud emoji so much. Starbucks, just give me a call when you want to collab on the eggplant macchiato!
Life sure as shit is imitating art for Ariana Grande. Her “thank u, next” single is quite the ode to her exes, and it seems like she’s taking each of them out for an ol’ time’s sake spin. Even though she said earlier this year she wasn’t dating anyone, Ari was spotted out and about with ex-boyfriend Ricky Alvarez, also referenced in the song. Her team maintained they were just friends, but now she’s been seen out with Big Sean. I love when people can still be friends after they break up…but there’s no way she ain’t boning some of these fellas.
If I had matched the Beatles record by getting three top three songs on the Billboard Hot 100, you can bet my ass would spend a night blowing my latest royalty check on booze, poutine, and, uh, entertainment at one of Montreal’s finest male strip clubs. In the case of Ariana Grande, she celebrated with a two-hour chat with society’s perennial butt wart, Piers Morgan. Despite their earlier feminist/nudity beef, these two actually seem to be getting along. Gag.
Ariana Grande‘s fans are a very loyal bunch because they know she’s crazy and so are they. Recently Ariana released her latest album Thank U, Next with that annoying Sound of Music rip-off song 7 Rings leading the way to #1 HITS glory. However, her fanbase known as the Arianators (shoot me now please) are tired of supporting it and are ready for a different song to crawl into our ears and drive us all crazy. So they have created the hashtag #BOYCOTT7RINGS in order to push another one of Ari’s songs to the top spot. And Ari is pleased that her minions care so much.
Millennials are a special blend of ‘whatever‘, ‘meh‘ and really bad decisions, or what I like to call being in your 20s. Everyone in their 20s does stupid shit and ex-lovers Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are no different than your average run of the mill millennial apart from their fame. So when they do something stupid the world instantly points fingers and judges them accordingly. Everyone prepare your judgment fingers now because Pete has decided to cover up one of his Ariana dedicated tatts with the word CURSED.