Last year when I found out that legendary singer Aretha Franklin could possibly stop touring forever, I immediately gave Groupon all of my coins so I could see her perform, and I wasn’t disappointed. She hit the stage wearing a low-cut sparkly gown and a full length fur coat. In July. And when I tell you that lady sang like her life depended on it, I’m not lying. It was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. Well, everyone join hands and slide into a chorus of “Say A Little Prayer” because Auntie ‘Retha has been ordered to refrain from touring due to health concerns.
Aretha Franklin did all us pupils at the Skewl of Camp a favor earlier this year when it came out that she faxed over her true thoughts to Dionne Warwick over some lingering beef from Whitney Houston’s funeral. The throwback use of communication would normally deter a normal soul from lobbying any jabs, but no-no, henny. Ms. Patti LaBelle is no normal being, and she’s regretting that gel manicure she got on Monday because it’s Wednesday, and she’s ready to (subtly) sink her claws in to Miss A-Screech-a Franklin. Continue reading
When it comes to icons, there is no one more bad ass or legendary than the Queen of Soul (and shade) Aretha Franklin. Unfortunately, some health concerns have limited her ability to perform since last year and earlier this year she revealed that after 2017 she’ll be hanging up her sparkly titty dresses and no longer touring. So what does an icon do to celebrate her last year killing the game? She loses a ton of weight to remind you hoes that she always comes to slay.
Sometimes a shady queen has so many rivalries to deal with that it takes her a while to blast ’em. It took five years, but Aretha Franklin finally got around to letting the world know that her one (of many) longtime arch rivals Dionne Warwick spit out slanderous lies about her at Whitney Houston’s funeral in 2012. And Queen Aretha slapped at Cousin Dionne in a statement to the AP that she sent via fax machine! An e-mail takes about 1 millisecond to send. As does a text. So you know that you’re really mad at a trick when you go through the trouble of using a fax machine to slam them. And yes, I believe that Queen Aretha sent that fax herself, because she wanted to say, “Take that, bitch!“, when the word “sent” popped up on the machine’s screen.
Last night was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. President Obama actually made the room, and me, laugh. Larry Wilmore didn’t. Donald Trump was a no show. And there were tons, TONS, of celebrities (and celebrity-adjacents) there. Celebrities love nothing more than being invited to fancy political things because, I imagine, they feel it makes them legitimate. “Well! Mr President Barack Obama thought I was worth his time,” I see some TV actress saying when doors get shut in her face at auditions for shows at about teens played by people in their late-30s. So let’s get down to who was there and what they wore.
After Michael Jackson died, we learned that his sister La Toya Jackson is a skilled private investigator and has the spirit of Sherlock Holmes running through her veins. La Toya became Detective La Toya when she correctly smelled something suspicious about her brother’s death and vowed to get to the bottom of it. Today’s Mt. Everest-sized mountain of sadness has also brought out some new information I never knew before. Aretha Franklin is obviously a board certified physician. Because during an interview about Prince’s death today, she offered up her opinion on what she thinks may have taken him away from us.