If you took your Lord of The Rings DVD box-set and dramatically fed each disk to a blazing fire on account of Sir Ian McKellen’s bad hot take on Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer, why’d you do that? The fumes will kill you! Also, Ian has apologized. Comments Ian made on the #QueerAF podcast last week surfaced, and they were ick-nasty. He posited that Kevin and Bryan’s predatory behavior was a result of their having been closeted. He said if they were open about “themselves and their desires, they wouldn’t have started abusing people” which is patently absurd. Thankfully, Ian has seen the light, which is hard to avoid when your publicist is pointing a flashlight directly into your peep-holes.
Michelle Rodriquez must not have heard the age old adage, “A man who desires revenge should dig two graves”. Last week, she tried to write her own revenge flick after her friend and Widows co-star Liam Neeson confessed that he used to be a hate crime aficionado, but was cured of his race-based murderous impulses by power-walking the hate away. Michelle was ready to bury those who dared call Liam a racist thus besmirching his good name. But her defense was so incredibly stupid, people were ready to lay flowers on her grave (Ok, drink tall boys on her grave) for saying that there’s no way Liam could possibly be racist because kissed a black woman for work. You see, Michelle has a very particular set of skills: she’s 2 fast, 2 furious, and 2 prone 2 say some real dumb shit. And now, she’s had to issue an apology.
Kevin Hart needs a dictionary. Somehow, despite his millions of dollars and teams of assistants, he still doesn’t seem to know the meaning of a few very basic words. And I’m not talking about polysyllabic head-scratchers like “equivocate” or “obfuscate”, I’m talking Sesame Street words like “over”, “moving on”, and “growth”.
After stating over, and over, and over again that he’s done talking about the controversy over his homophobic tweets of yore, Kevin appeared on Good Morning America today to talk about the controversy over his homophobic tweets of yore. In the interview, Kevin stated that he’s over talking about it, that he’s moved on, and that he’s already apologized so people should just leave him alone about it already. We get it Kevin. You’re over it. So are we. Why do you keep talking about it!?
Lena Dunham has written a 1,300 word apology to Aurora Perrineau which was published by The Hollywood Reporter, and approximately 1,000 of those words are about what a brave survivor she is, and you already know the “she” I am referring to is Lena. If you’re into extreme self-care and somehow missed it (blessings unto you), Lena feels bad because last year she (and her ex-partner Jenni Konner, who I hope doesnt think we forgot about her ass) publicly defended her friend and Girls writer Murray Miller against rape allegations made by Aurora who filed a police report and claimed that Murray sexually assaulted her in his home in 2012 when she was 17-years-old. For this, Lena is sorry.
Terry Rossio, that dude who wrote Shrek, could have just sat there and ate his rice, but he didn’t. Instead, he mounted his metaphoric steed and #tooktotwitter to metaphorically go to battle for literal anti-vaxxers claiming that the term “anti-vax” is as harmful and offensive as the n-word. Unsurprisingly, this comparison was met with derision and disgust, especially since he oh-so-boldly just went ahead and wrote out “nigger” in its entirety. You would think a person who writes for a living would have a better understanding about how words and language work, but nah. But don’t worry, Terry says he now understands that that word has “no place in any conversation, ever”. So while he still thinks the eradication of polio is a bad idea, he has learned “something”.
Earlier this week, Armie Hammer had the internet thinking: “Damn, you were a lot more fun when you were eating peaches and dancing to The Psychedelic Furs” after he came for celebrities posting memorial selfies with the late Stan Lee. Armie held firm that if you posted a picture of yourself with Stan Lee, you were tacky and self-absorbed, and he was above all that. Enough people must have called him by his new nickname (aka Asshat, which we’ll get to in a moment), because he’s now very sorry.