Johnny Depp must have received a very frantic call from his manager (or the marketing team at Disney who would like very much to get another decent box office weekend out of Pirates of the Caribbean 5) urging him to use his damp swamp bog mouth to say he’s sorry. Or maybe he didn’t like the thought of an unmarked van full of Secret Service trailing behind him on his next scarf run. Whatever the reason, Johnny has issued an apology for joking about assassinating Trump at the Glastonbury Festival yesterday.
“I apologize for the bad joke I attempted last night in poor taste about President Trump. It did not come out as intended, and I intended no malice. I was only trying to amuse, not to harm anyone.”
The last time Johnny issued a public apology for something, he later made fun of his apology. If he does that this time, I doubt he’ll be so obvious about it. Like, maybe he’ll bring up those recently rediscovered pictures of Trump playing tennis in some extremely unflattering white shorts. “You know, the next time I want to make a joke at Trump’s expense, I should take notes from those shorts. Because they are extremely amusing.”
This week, Elizabeth Banks claimed in an acceptance speech at the Women In Film Awards that Steven Spielberg had never directed a film with a female lead. He of course has (The Color Purple). Elizabeth took shit for it from the internet. Elizabeth is now very sorry for coming for Steven Spielberg without doing her research first.
Whenever Chris Pratt has a movie to promote, there’s a 98% chance Chris will open his mouth and say something dumb several times, and his press tour will turn into an apology tour. Chris is promoting Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, and he’s already said some things that have required him to slip into PR-sanctioned apology mode. His latest apology was delivered in ASL because he pissed off the hearing impaired.
Sinead O’Connor found herself on the receiving end of a $5 million defamation lawsuit from Arsenio Hall in May 2016 after she suggested on Facebook that Prince died from drugs that were supplied to him by his “bitch” Arsenio. She also alleged that Arsenio once tried to drug her drink at a party at Eddie Murphy’s house years ago. Initialy, Sinead responded to Arsenio’s lawsuit by telling “Arse-inio” to suck her dick, but only if he wasn’t “too busy sucking someone else’s dick.” Sinead’s feelings have now changed.
Shortly after Charlie Sheen took a blowtorch to the bridge connecting him with Two and a Half Men back in 2011, he immediately shit-talked his replacement, Ashton Kutcher.Well, Charlie has finally recognized what a goblin he was to Ashton.
After winning the award for Best Performance By An Actor in a Miniseries or Television Film at the Golden Globes on Sunday night, Tom Hiddleston triggered several thousand gag reflexes with his humble-braggy acceptance speech. Tom talked about going to South Sudan with UNICEF and how people from Doctors Without Borders told him they binge watched The Night Manager. Tom patted himself on the back for providing “some relief and entertainment” to them. A lot of people online (and in the GGs audience) weren’t exactly feeling his “Congratulations, me!” speech. TMZ brought up the speech hate to Tom as he was leaving a GG afterparty, and Tom sort of shrugged it off.
But clearly Tom had been thinking about it, and it must have been bothering him. Because yesterday he hopped on Facebook to apologize.
That answers a question I’ve had since the summer. When Tom was frolicking on the beach with Taylor Swift in an I Heart TS tank top, I thought to myself “Isn’t he at all nervous that this much obvious PR whoring might not be good for his career?” He clearly wasn’t! Based on the reason for his apology, it sounds like if he was actually nervous, his tank top would have said I Heart TH instead.