I guess you could say Anthony Bourdain’s parts are no longer unknown to Asia Argento. Prepare yourselves, the corny food jokes only get worse from here!
Anthony Bourdain, the hottest silver-haired grumpy TV food person not named Geoffrey Zakarian, has been single for a few months. He split up with his wife of nine years back in September. Nine years is a lot of years, and you’d think he’d want to make up for lost time by twirling his fork around as much random spaghetti as possible. But apparently he’s already off the market again. Page Six says that 60-year-old Anthony is head-over-veal (show me the door) for 41-year-old actress Asia Argento, who is Dario Argento’s daughter. Anthony and Asia have been papped in Italy walking hand-in-hand and making out while grocery shopping. Page Six says that one Italian news site has declared they’ve “fallen in love.”
Anthony filmed an episode of Parts Unknown in Rome late last year, and he claimed that it wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Asia. No word on if they got together during filming or after. I’m going to choose to believe it happened during, if only because it’s fun to think of a crusty prick like Anthony Bourdain on a romantic Eat Pray Love-style spiritual journey.
Both Anthony and Asia like Italian food and what more do you need in a relationship? Someone to sex on and then eat pasta with sounds nice. And in between that, they can laugh about how her daddy makes movies that terrorize people’s nightmares, and now she’s dating a dude who lives to terrorize Guy Fieri.
Meanwhile, as the marriage of the CENTURY is ending…
After nine years of marriage, hot grumpy food person Anthony Bourdain and his MMA fighter wife Ottavia Busia are over. I guess you could say they officially have no reservations on each other’s parts. Oh lord, that was bad. I deserve every AnthonyBourdainStinkface.gif for that.
Before we fully get into the river of depressing smegma that this news week will probably bring, let’s raise a wig and celebrate some happy news: RuPaul finally got his hands around his first Emmy after being in the TV game for eons. HalleluRu!
If award shows always got it right, Ru would’ve gotten his first Emmy in the 90s for Best And Most Glamorous Talk Show host for Vh1’s The RuPaul Show. But since award shows mostly never get it right, that didn’t happen. It only took 20 years, but the title “Emmy-winning RuPaul” is finally a fact.
One of Anthony Bourdain’s signature dishes is shit-talking soufflé, which many people can’t get enough of and wants several servings of. Anthony regularly trashes TV cooks from Paula Deen to Rachael Ray to Adam Richman to tablescape earth angel Sandra Lee. (I still can’t with Anthony for dragging Our Patron Saint of Kwanzaa Cakes.) But one of Anthony’s favorite targets to shit all over is hairy bleached hedgehog wart Guy Fieri. Anthony Bourdain has said that Guy Fieri is what you would get “if Ed Hardy fucked a Juggalo” and called his Times Square emporium of vending machine cuisine a “terror dome.” Surprisingly, Guy is not amused.
Anthony Bourdain is known for regularly sprinkling salt on the b-holes of TV cooks by talking trash about them and on his recent national tour, he had some words to say about the least popular Garbage Pail Kid Guy Fieri and Adam Richman of Man v. Food. Anthony had nice things to say about Ina Garten, but wondered how does Guy Fieri de-douche (answer: he doesn’t) and said that Adam Richman’s show confirms that ‘Muricans are fat lazies. Anthony Bourdain didn’t specifically talk trash about Food Network’s Alton Brown, but People still asked him for this thoughts on Anthony’s words during an interview to promote his new show Camp Cutthroat.
Alton basically said in so many words that Anthony shouldn’t look down at TV chefs, because he hasn’t been seen cooking up anything (except for a bowl of shit talking stew) in ages.
I will never ever forgive Anthony Bourdain for calling Royal Academy of Arts-trained tablescape artist and drunk angel Sandra Lee “pure evil” and the “hell spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker.” The only way I’ll ever forgive him is if he takes his show Parts Unknown to a dark and dangerous place called my b-hole. Yes, they’ll have to change the name of the show to Parts Too Known for that episode. However, my mouth still waters when Anthony whips up a good old-fashioned flambéed bowl of cunt stew with a side of mashed snark. Anthony served some of that up during the Atlanta, GA stop of his national tour last Saturday.