Attention enthusiasts know that the Emmys are a tasteful affair; you’ve got to balance out your ass with some class. Thankfully, Ariel Winter showed everyone last night how to do it. Ariel came in a dress by Steven Khalil featuring not one, but two crotch-high leg slits. Angelina, who? I’m sure her dress was very expensive, so for those of you hoping to find the look for less, I would probably suggest Craigslist the day after the next AVN awards.
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Approximately 35 milliseconds after Madge warbled out her tribute to Prince while dressed like Willy Wonka Goes To The Bordello at the Billboard Music Awards last month, BET released a shady tweet where they declared in so many words that their tribute to Prince would be better. They tweeted, “Yeah, we saw that. Don’t worry. We got you.” When they said, “We got you,” they must have meant that they were going to cover our eyeballs and fill our ear holes with so much Prince that we’d find ourselves shitting purple glitter afterward.
There were several Prince tributes during the BET Awards and everyone from Jennifer Hudson to Stevie Wonder to Janelle Monae to Erykah Badu to The Roots partook in one. You can watch all of the tributes here. But the biggest one came from one of Prince’s muses and collaborators Sheila E. While dressed like a member of a cult led by Mr. T, Sheila E. closed the BET Awards with a medley of The Purple One’s hits. Sheila E. drummed! Sheila E. danced! Sheila E. sang! And she did it all barefoot!
Sheila E. worked it so damn hard and sweat so much that I expected her to melt into a puddle on stage. I think I burned at least 1,000 calories just from watching her. The video of Sheila E.’s Prince tribute (with cameos from Mayte Garcia, Jerome Benton and a special purple guitar) auto-plays, so it’s after the cut.
The NAACP Image Awards happened in Pasadena, CA last night, and once again, grand master poser Taraji P. Henson melted the eyelashes off of hos left and right with her extra hot posing game. At the Golden Globes last month, Taraji took us on a journey with her poses. She was Scarlett O’Hara with the vapors. She was a shocked Norma Desmond. She was me whenever one of my friends get me a new butt plug for my birthday. She was everything and more. Taraji played it a little more subtle at the NAACPs last night, but she still posed like she was head of her class at Phoebe Price’s Community College of Exuding Raw Glamour.
Empire won a few NAACP Awards last night including one for Taraji for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series. Taraji should’ve won another award for Outstanding Posing While Holding A Trophy Backstage At The NAACP Awards. Taraji served up intrigue and orgasm faces while posing with that award. She also gets extra points for making sure that we all got a good view of that trophy’s crotch. And I even love that she looked like a cross between Morticia Addams going to a daytime business meeting and a casual Magica de Spell.
Here’s a million more pictures from last night of everyone looking like they’re wearing dresses they bought at Windsor Fashions in the 90s. Well, everyone except for Cree Summer who looked like Pilgrim Pippi Longstocking on the right kind of acid.