Category: Ansel Elgort

Baby Driver Will Be Tony In Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story” Remake

October 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like he got jumped by a gang of Sun-In bottles and lost, Ansel Elgort will get jumped by a gang of Sharks in the West Side Story movie remake we really don’t need and really, really don’t need from Steven Spielberg. Because of that mop on his head, it may look like Ansel’s going to play Anybodys in West Side Story (or should I say, Sandy Duncan as Anybodys), but he’s going to sing and dance as Tony.

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Cologne Ambassador Ansel Elgort Loves The Way The Subway Smells 

August 6, 2018 / Posted by:

I’m sure Ralph Lauren had to go ride the horses extra far out in the Wyoming fields this morning because his new cologne poster boy, Ansel Elgort, gave out an interview talking of his favorite smells, and one isn’t exactly the kind of thing you’d want people to associate with your new $85 an ounce whore’s bath. Sure, he likes “normal” things like fresh rosemary and fresh laundry, but he also cops to liking the dreamy, dewy scent of…the subway?

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Open Post: Hosted By Kevin Spacey Trying To Show John Travolta Up 

June 22, 2017 / Posted by:

John Travolta’s wig tamers better Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, and cement glue his hair to his head, because Kevin Spacey is trying to snatch that shit and take the crown. Nobody can beat John Travolta’s flawless man wig game, but Kevin is giving him a run for his lace front.

At today’s London premiere of Baby Driver (and, I’m still fucking pissed it’s not a Latarian Milton biopic), Kevin Spacey worked that rug on his head and he didn’t even care that the hawks flying above were seconds away from swooping in after mistaking it for a squirrel in distress. Kevin also worked it for the cameras even though his makeup person did him wrong by not blending his face paint all the way. Kevin didn’t only wear the best hair at the Baby Driver premiere, he also wore the best ensemble.

Kevin’s co-stars (Jon Hamm, Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Eiza Gonzalez) all wore stuffy outfits from the House of Boring, while Kevin went full mid-life crisis daddy chic. It looks like his twink friends (or the new Ken dolls) took him to Macy’s and gave him a totally hip and fresh makeover. That IS the look. And I bet that at the after-party for Baby Driver, Kevin went up to Ansel and Lily at the bar and said, “Issa ’bout to be savage ay eff tonight, sis!


Somewhere, A Granny Is Missing Her Favorite Playtex Support Bra

May 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.

That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.

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Diddy Either DGAF Or GAF 

May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.

During the red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.

Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.

With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.

And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.

Pics:, Getty

Open Post: Hosted By Ansel Elgort’s ~Moody~ And ~Sexy~ Video

February 3, 2017 / Posted by:

My last post was about a video that’s dripping with awkward sexiness, so I may as well continue with that theme and give you another video that’ll make you want to lock the door (so no one can come in and catch you in the embarrassing act of watching an Ansel Elgort video) and bite the pillow (to keep from laughing).

Ansel Elgort is mostly an actor, but he’s been trying to do music in the past couple of years and today he released the video for his new song Thief. The title of Ansel’s song is perfect. Because after watching the video for it, you’ll want to press charges against him for stealing 3 minutes and 51 seconds of your life.

Ansel gives me “The CW version of Patrick Bateman” vibes in this video and he’s supposed to. Ansel tells Rolling Stone that they were going for an American Psycho feel.

“I had created a character while writing and producing this song that was the Thief. I couldn’t wait to bring him to life in the video. For the performance, we wanted something colorful and rich. We went with an all-leather outfit and neon lighting while I sang and danced, like an Eighties dance video.”

Ansel’s real-life girlfriend Violetta Komyshan is also in the video, but the real star is his dancing! While wearing a two-piece outfit from Hot Topic’s Edward Scissorhands collection, Baby Ashton Kutcher dances like an angry marionette on Ecstasy whose having an intense dance-off with a ghost. And yes, Baby Ashton Kutcher wins it.

I take back what I said about being embarrassed about watching this video. Everybody should be thankful to take in artistry like this!

There’s only one skilled dancer who could’ve taught Ansel those new wave karate moves. I am so glad that Corey Feldman is sharing his gift with the youngins’.


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