Category: Ansel Elgort

Open Post: Hosted By Kevin Spacey Trying To Show John Travolta Up 

June 22, 2017 / Posted by:

John Travolta’s wig tamers better Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, and cement glue his hair to his head, because Kevin Spacey is trying to snatch that shit and take the crown. Nobody can beat John Travolta’s flawless man wig game, but Kevin is giving him a run for his lace front.

At today’s London premiere of Baby Driver (and, I’m still fucking pissed it’s not a Latarian Milton biopic), Kevin Spacey worked that rug on his head and he didn’t even care that the hawks flying above were seconds away from swooping in after mistaking it for a squirrel in distress. Kevin also worked it for the cameras even though his makeup person did him wrong by not blending his face paint all the way. Kevin didn’t only wear the best hair at the Baby Driver premiere, he also wore the best ensemble.

Kevin’s co-stars (Jon Hamm, Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Eiza Gonzalez) all wore stuffy outfits from the House of Boring, while Kevin went full mid-life crisis daddy chic. It looks like his twink friends (or the new Ken dolls) took him to Macy’s and gave him a totally hip and fresh makeover. That IS the look. And I bet that at the after-party for Baby Driver, Kevin went up to Ansel and Lily at the bar and said, “Issa ’bout to be savage ay eff tonight, sis!

Pics: Wenn.com

Somewhere, A Granny Is Missing Her Favorite Playtex Support Bra

May 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.

That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.

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Diddy Either DGAF Or GAF 

May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.

During the red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.

Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.

With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.

And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

Open Post: Hosted By Ansel Elgort’s ~Moody~ And ~Sexy~ Video

February 3, 2017 / Posted by:

My last post was about a video that’s dripping with awkward sexiness, so I may as well continue with that theme and give you another video that’ll make you want to lock the door (so no one can come in and catch you in the embarrassing act of watching an Ansel Elgort video) and bite the pillow (to keep from laughing).

Ansel Elgort is mostly an actor, but he’s been trying to do music in the past couple of years and today he released the video for his new song Thief. The title of Ansel’s song is perfect. Because after watching the video for it, you’ll want to press charges against him for stealing 3 minutes and 51 seconds of your life.

Ansel gives me “The CW version of Patrick Bateman” vibes in this video and he’s supposed to. Ansel tells Rolling Stone that they were going for an American Psycho feel.

“I had created a character while writing and producing this song that was the Thief. I couldn’t wait to bring him to life in the video. For the performance, we wanted something colorful and rich. We went with an all-leather outfit and neon lighting while I sang and danced, like an Eighties dance video.”

Ansel’s real-life girlfriend Violetta Komyshan is also in the video, but the real star is his dancing! While wearing a two-piece outfit from Hot Topic’s Edward Scissorhands collection, Baby Ashton Kutcher dances like an angry marionette on Ecstasy whose having an intense dance-off with a ghost. And yes, Baby Ashton Kutcher wins it.

I take back what I said about being embarrassed about watching this video. Everybody should be thankful to take in artistry like this!

There’s only one skilled dancer who could’ve taught Ansel those new wave karate moves. I am so glad that Corey Feldman is sharing his gift with the youngins’.

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Open Post: Hosted By Baddie Winkle Showing The Young Tricks How It’s Really Done

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Former HSOTD Baddie Winkle has come a long way! Just a couple of years ago, she was bestowing her wisdom on home wrecking, the good shit and being a slut to her growing number of disciples, and yesterday, she was the biggest star at the MTV VMAs. That last part was served without a sliver of sarcasm in it. She truly was the biggest star there. Fun fact: That carpet wasn’t white before Baddie stepped on it. As soon as she sashayed in, everyone busted bright white nuts all over the place.

When Baddie Winkle showed up to the VMAs in Britney’s Toxic catsuit and a Liberace-approved pimp cane, a few hating haters I follow on Twitter spewed out shit like, “Madonna is up to her old tricks again.” Well, I never! How dare they! Baddie Winkle is a true original and only she can work the hell out of a pimp cane and a jumpsuit that looks like it’s covered with a unicorn’s syphilis rash. Besides, Baddie’s look is more like, “Phyllis Diller after dropping acid with Miley Cyrus at a circus-themed rave on the outskirts of Las Vegas,” and that IS the look.

Here’s more of the hottest trick at the VMAs, and I also threw in a few pictures of my other favorite looks of the night including Ansel Elgort looking like a patient in the Hot Topic Insane Asylum and a goth mannequin they tell me is JWoww. Although, I am pretty sure it’s really a creation that Dr. Frankenstein made using the DNA of Kat Von D and Morticia Addams. It’s Morticia Von D!

Pics: Wenn.com

The Last Movie In The “Divergent” Series Could Go Direct-To-Television

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Just like the insanely successful franchise The Hunger Games, the Divergent films were based on a series of young adult novels about a girl rising up and fighting an evil government in a world where people have names like “Tris” and “Four.” But unlike The Hunger Games, people sort of lost interest in paying $15 (plus popcorn) to watch Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort running around in depressing future times couture. And now there’s a chance the only way to find out what happens to Shailene and Ansel will be to watch it on TV.

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