During the first season of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation that aired earlier this year, The Situation proposed to his girlfriend Lauren Pesce (sadly, she did not replace “yes” with “it would be my honor to join you in this life-long situation” before fist pumping her ring in the air). Little did we know that among the clouds of romance and self-tanner spray spray, that while one marriage was beginning, another Jersey Shore marriage had ended.
Elon Musk and his girlfriend Grimes have been one of the most entertaining celebrity couples of this year (or throuples, if you include Azealia Banks‘ proximity, which I do). Sadly, the electricity-powered car wreck might finally have come to a complete stop, as it would appear Elon and Grimes might have broken up.
Kourtney Kardashian got some attention this week after she launched herself into a messy scripted Twitter fight with her sisters Kim and Khloe Kardashian over some dumb, scripted drama about a family photo shoot. And now she’s getting a little more probably scripted attention.
TMZ says that 39-year-old Kourtney and her 25-year-old model boyfriend Younes Bendjima are over after 2 years with her ending it. Younes confirmed that he’s done with Kourtney by getting photographed in Mexico with an Instagram model named Jordan Ozuna. Jordan reportedly dated Tyga shortly after he split from Kourtney’s sister Kylie Jenner. It’s just like that song from The Lion King: it’s the ciiiiircle of Calabasaaaaaas.
In July, things started to go south after Kourtney Instagrammed a picture of her ass. Younes, clearly forgetting who pays the bills, called Kourtney out by asking “That’s what you need to show to get likes?” (before deleting his comment). Younes always had a problem with Kourtney acting THOTty on social media. Kourtney wasn’t feeling Younes’ possessiveness over her butt pics, and now she’s single.
The only downside is that Kris Jenner will now have to schedule an exit interview, like I’m sure she does with every one of the Kardashian-Jenner males that escape the koven. Luckily, it should be quick and painless. All Younes has to do is promise that he won’t yank too much publicity away from the family by dating a teenager like Kourtney’s previous dude, and he’s good to go.
UPDATE: Younes responded to the rumor that he’s already moved on, and it looks like a new KUWTK story arc has been born.
Looks like we’ve got yet another summer breakup from a former-One Direction member on our hands. This summer, I swear. If it’s not killing my will to live with Venus-degree heat, it’s killing love. But unlike Liam Payne leaving with a baby visitation schedule tucked under his arm, all Harry Styles has to worry about is picking up his toothbrush on the way out.
UsWeekly says that 55-year-old Nia Vardalos and 52-year-old Ian Gomez (aka Andy from Cougar Town) are divorcing after being married for a quarter of a century. According to documents, they went with the usual reason – irreconcilable differences. They were married in September 1993. Oh my god, an early-90s wedding; I can practically smell the Payless dyeable satin pumps.
Nia and Ian share an 11-year-old daughter named Ilaria, who they’ve asked for joint legal custody of.
Both Nia and Ian appeared together in seven films, including My Big Fat Greek Wedding 1 & 2, Connie and Carla, and I Hate Valentine’s Day. They also co-hosted the first two seasons of The Great American Baking Show. Neither Nia nor Ian have confirmed the news themselves, but thanks to a recent tweet Nia made, I’ve already started to imagine what her newly single life is life.
Antoni, I’m inviting myself and we’re making poutine gyros. https://t.co/54cFcmwK3I
— Nia Vardalos (@NiaVardalos) June 26, 2018
Random meats covered in cheese and salty gravy, surrounded by Antoni’s always-present redundant dips. That sounds exactly like what “Fuck it, I’m getting divorced” food should be.
It looks like Halsey has another dramatic scene to add to the movie she’s making about her life. I can see it now: the door slowly closes, Halsey wipes away a single tear as she turns to leave. Her inner monologue muses, “And just like that, I was no longer dating a guy whose name sounded like an attempt to market pre-peeled garlic to millennials.”