Category: Another One Bites The Dust

Zayn Malik And Gigi Hadid Broke Up 

March 13, 2018 / Posted by:

In the Pussy Posse Den, Leonardo DiCatchAHo has told his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas to check to see if newly single Gigi Hadid has reached old curdled hag age yet (read: 25 and over) and to also see if he’s ever dated her before. If not, order one of her from Victoria’s Secret STAT!

Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid tweeted today that after two years together, they are done with looking at each other’s faces on a regular basis and have broken up. Zayn is 25 years old, Gigi is 22 years old, and they’re both rich, hot and famous, so 2 years is like 200 years in average-looking non-famous normal ho time. So they should congratulate themselves for beating the odds!

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InTouch Says That Miranda Lambert And Anderson East Are Done

February 28, 2018 / Posted by:

A source tells InTouch that 34-year-old Miranda Lambert and 29-year-old Anderson Eastgrew apart” while on separate tours and broke up after two years together. And despite the fact that Anderson East has the name recognition that sits between “Who?” to “I think I’ve driven through that township before” he’s the one who broke up with her and she “didn’t see it coming.” But Miranda isn’t curled up in a hammock with an extra-hard hard lemonade, cursing Anderson’s name and hating on 1/4th of the directions on a compass. The source adds that she has thrown herself into work by writing songs, and that she “refuses to sit around feeling sorry for herself.

However, another source insists that Anderson didn’t do the dumping, but didn’t deny that hooking up with Miranda was good for his career.

“Dating Miranda took him to the top of the musical A-list,” says the source.

I guess the music industry works on some kind of backwards alphabet system now that I wasn’t previously aware of.

Whoever blabbed to InTouch about Anderson not being the dumper deserves points for trying, but the gesture was futile. Miranda is going on tour with Little Big Town in July. Taylor Swift wrote one of Little Big Town’s biggest hits, “Better Man.” So basically, Miranda is just one degree removed Taylor Swift, which is not a good position to be in if you just broke up with someone. All it’s going to take is Miranda dialing up Taylor to say, “I heard you know your way around a breakup song,” and Taylor responding, “What are you thinking – I hate you, or like, I really hate you. I’ve got both, take your pick.”


Alicia Silverstone And Her Husband Have Split After 20 Years Together

February 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Forget about the split for a second – famous people split up all the time. I can’t get over that Alicia Silverstone was with someone for 20 years. That’s half her life! Not to mention that two decades together in Hollywood time is like, three lifetimes. Is Alicia Silverstone some kind of time-bending Highlander? She might be – look into it, Hollywood.

People says that 41-year-old Alicia and her 41-year-old musician husband Christopher Jarecki are done after 12 years of marriage and 20 years together overall. Alicia’s rep confirmed the split:

“They still deeply love and respect each other and remain very close friends but have mutually decided to separate after being together for 20 years. They have a son together who they will continue to co-parent.”

Alicia and Christopher share a 6-year-old son Bear Blu. Her rep doesn’t say exactly when Alicia and Christopher decided to call it quits, but it’s worth noting he was last seen on her Instagram page about seven months ago.

20 years together is still bugging me out. That’s so long – something serious must have happened to end it. Thanks to that video of Alicia feeding her baby son like a mama bird from a couple years ago, we know that Alicia is a major Earth spirit type. My guess is Alicia caught Christopher cheating…on their nut milk routine. She came home one day from her mindful intentions yoga-style group hugging class a little earlier than usual, and saw Christopher chugging from a store-bought carton of vanilla almond. “What the…what is this? How long has this been going on?!? This is an organic small batch hand-wrung tigermilk house! Get your recycled hemp baja hoodies and your jarred paste deodorant, and get out!


Brace Yourselves For The “Jennifer Aniston Is Crying Heartbroken Tears On Brad Pitt’s Shoulder ” Stories, Because She And Justin Theroux Have Split Up 

February 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Those magazine sources blatantly lied to us all! How will we ever trust magazine sources again! They told us in late-December that everything between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux was fine, but I guess they took a Christmas break trip to Cabo to do tequila shots off of each other’s stomachs one last time, because they announced today that they’re done with each other after 2 and a half years of marriage and 7 years together.

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Henry Cavill Has Broken Up With His Girlfriend Lucy Cork

February 6, 2018 / Posted by:

About a year after Henry Cavill broke up with his teenage girlfriend, he started to hook up with a stuntwoman named Lucy Cork. Henry and Lucy met on the set of Mission: Impossible 6, but now they’re over after seven months together.

According to The Mirror, Henry was seen at a recent Warner Bros. party with some friends, who were trying to set up their “single” friend. When one girl approached Henry and introduced herself, his friends allegedly shouted that he was “single and ready to mingle.” That’s a weird way to put it. But maybe “alone and ready for the photo op zone” was just his Kaley Cuoco-era dating strategy.

Henry has since unfollowed Lucy on Instagram, which as we all know in 2018 dating terms means they’re broken up for good. The only thing the Mirror doesn’t know is the reason for why Henry and Lucy broke up. I wonder whatever could have been the straw that broke the camel’s thirsty back? No, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Henry fell into Demi Lovato’s carefully laid Instagram trap last week. And really, I honestly don’t think Demi’s lingerie-covered titties did Henry’s relationship in. She probably just heard things were bad and decided to lay some groundwork for a possible relationship. And hell, why not get a little attention and some Instagram likes while you’re at it? Honestly, that’s just smart multitasking.


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