Two months ago, I’d make a joke that St. Angie Jolie is using her holy finger to point at Brad Pitt and say, “Ha, I’m with stupid.” But now, she’s using her holy finger to point at him and say, “Yeah, I’m still with stupid, but he’s stupid AND nice now.”
Up until early January, Brad and Angie were shanking at each other and trying to drag each other’s pristine reputations through a puddle of diarrhea. One was accusing the other of fucking up their children by making their custody battle so public. The other was accusing the other one of not wanting the public to learn the terrifying truth! They finally decided to take their ugliness behind closed doors. And now, sources are telling both People and E! News that Brad and Angie have gone from communicating through slam pieces on TMZ to actually talking to each other directly.
As Professor Dame St. Angie Jolie graced the brains of the peons with her knowledge at the London School of Economics, and her holy hard nipples graced the eyes of the Archbishop of Canterbury during a meeting, a sad Brad Pitt was making sad art while listening to sad songs. Future art historians will look to this period in time as the rich douche renaissance led by the masters James Franco, Shia LaBeouf and Brad Pitt!
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Got Matching “Binding” Tattoos Just Months Before The Fall Of Brangelina
When a marriage is ten seconds away from sucking divorce’s dick, some couple’s try to save their relationship by renewing their vows and others grit their teeth and fuck their way to a Band-Aid baby. And then there’s St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt, who got matching tattoos to bind them together. Hopefully the tattoo artiste tattooed warranty information on their bodies, because they should probably get their money back.
To add a little context to that picture, that’s Angelina Jolie getting emotional while talking about her divorce, not struggling to keep a juicy tarantula burp down.
Angelina Jolie appeared on Good Morning America from Cambodia this morning to talk about her new movie First They Killed My Father. After talking about the movie, George Stephanopoulos asked her about her dramatic divorce from Brad Pitt.
In nearly every post about St. Angie Jolie, someone always says that trick needs to eat something. Well, she finally took that advice.
During that BBC interview in Cambodia where Angie said words (that her team probably spent 45 hours on writing for her) about the fall of Brangelina, she did a little cooking segment where she fried up some Cambodian delicacies. With help from three of her kids (Shiloh, Vivienne and Knox), Chef St. Dame Angie fried up some tarantulas, crickets and spiders and said that the first she time she gobbled down on bugs was when she visited Cambodia. After Knox chewed on a bug that his mom cooked up, he said that it tastes like “flavorless chips.” It’s a good thing for Knox that he’s a chosen one, because if he wasn’t, he would’ve felt the wrath of God for hating on Chef St. Dame Angie’s cooking like that.
— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) February 20, 2017
And something tells me Brad’s lawyer will show this footage during a custody hearing and say, “See, see, this proves that Angelina Jolie is a vicious black widow spider who eats men and her own kind!“
Ever since Webster’s dictionary changed the definition of “marriage” to read, “is a lie and a fucking sham,” in response to Brangelina divorcing, both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have pretty much only talked about their break-up through statements and lawyers. Team Brad committed an unholy act when they accused Team Angie of causing damage to their kids by making the details of their train wreck custody fight public. Team Angie accused Team Brad of not wanting the public to learn the terrifying truth about him. But last month, both sides finally agreed to make the details of their custody fight private and promised to keep their shank fighting behind closed doors. Things have been quiet until this past weekend when Angie did an interview with the BBC and was asked about Brad’s alleged drunk mess antics on that private plane.