Emma Stone really didn’t have much to say about that junior prom princess dress when she reached Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet of the Golden Globes last night. The face she’s making in that picture above kind of says all that needs to be said, really. It’s very “Please direct all Worst Dressed lists to my stylist.”
When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
Any way to make a little extra cash, I guess. I’m joking, of course; as fas as I know, Kanye West hasn’t released a line of formal pantyhose refugee rags. I do, however, know that Rooney Mara’s Mad Max-meets-washing your dirty lace panties in the sink look from the BAFTAs last night is courtesy of Kanye’s best boo Riccardo Tisci and Givenchy, which actually makes a lot of sense.
I bet this dress started out as a sketch for a normal red carpet gown, but then Riccardo made the mistake of showing it to Kanye during one of their Friday night No Kims Allowed sleepovers in France. That’s when Kanye whipped out his favorite beige marker and book of funeral home curtain samples and turned it into the decomposing hobo bride couture you see above. And of course Rooney loved it, because she loves looking like a haunted vintage doll on prom night.
Rooney Mara wasn’t the only one who showed up to the British Oscars looking like a damp mess. Her Carol co-star Cate Blanchett, who usually gives ten tons of WTF excellence, showed up in some kind of tapestry on the top/goth Christmas Tree garland on the bottom thing. Although it does look like her tapestry is spreading down her body like an expensive rash, and Rich Lady Rash is a look I can get behind.
Here’s more fancy-dressed famous types from last night, including Kate Winslet looking like a chick whose goal is to bang Gordon Gekko and Kate Capshaw giving you “I cut my bangs in the limo on the ride over!” realness.
The premiere of American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson happened in Los Angeles yesterday, and you’d think that the night belonged to the guinea pig in distress on top of John Travolta’s head, but it didn’t. John Travolta is usually the belle of every ball, but bitch lost in the game of beauty last night as soon as Joey Lawrence strolled onto the red carpet looking like he’s been plucked to the stars and back. I bet as soon as Joey’s Chia Pet Mr. Clean-looking ass hit that red carpet, John Travolta pulled off his own wig, said, “For fuck’s sake,” and immediately went home to drown his sorrows on a massage therapist’s crotch.
One of my favorite adonises probably had every ho at last night’s premiere checking their eyebrow situation in a compact. They shouldn’t have even bothered, because when it comes to the sport of eyebrow pruning, Joey Lawrence is the Oksana Baiul and everyone else is Nancy Kerrigan throwing hate at him on the sidelines. Not only do Joey’s impeccable brows look like the pubic landing strips of the angels in heaven, but that spray on hair is a work of art.
No, Joey wasn’t at the American Crime Story premiere because he plays Kato Kaelin in it (I wish). Joey was there because he has a much more important role in the show. During a scene where O.J. is crying in Kim Kartrashian’s bedroom, a poster of Joey Lawrence is on one of the walls. I know, who cares about Travolta, Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Sarah Paulson. Joey Lawrence should get top billing!
Dennis Quaid must have been absent the day that Professor Ryan Gosling taught the class how to correctly pronounce Saoirse Ronan’s name. (I watched that lesson and my brain still wants to pronounce her name as Saw-Or-See.) Randy Quaid’s brother, Angela Bassett, Not Gina Rodriguez and Chloe Grace Moretz all got up at the hour of the ungodly this morning to announce the Golden Globe nominations. When it was Dennis’ turn at the podium, he had his own Dick Poop moment while dribbling out the nominations for Best Actress in a ~dramatic~ movie. By the way, “Dick Poop Moment” sounds like the sequel to Sinead O’Connor’s piece about “the difficult brown.”
DQ must be a graduate of John Travolta’s School of Pronunciation, because when he got to Saoirse Ronan’s name, this came out of his mouth:
Sheesha Ronan! Dude hacked up Saoirse’s first name and he gave me the hungries while doing so. Because when you say “Sheesha Ronan” really fast, it sounds like you’re saying chicharrones.
Great, now thanks to Dennis Quaid’s sloppy mouth, I’m going to be hungry this entire awards season. Every time I see Saoirse Ronan, I’m going to picture her as a giant, delicious pork rind.
Before Angela Bassett cast Yaya DaCosta from America’s Next Top JcPenney Model as Whitney Houston in the Lifetime biopic of Nippy’s life, Bobbi Kristina let it be known that she wants to play her mother. Entertainment Weekly talked to Angela, who is making her directorial debut with this mess, about the basic cable Nippy biopic and asked her if the thought of casting Bobbi Kris ever touched her brain. Bobbi Kris as Nippy was never an idea that popped into Angela’s thought cloud, because Lifetime is an emporium of artistic excellence and only allows the most-skilled and trained actors to perform in their movies. Angela told EW that Bobbi Kris just isn’t an actress.
No, I did not think about that. I did not think about casting her. And probably for a number of reasons, you know. One being that she’s not an actress. I know she’s acted here and there. I know she’s been on their family’s reality show, but she’s not an actress and acting is a craft. It’s an attempt to illuminate the complexities of human behavior and life. And this is a very fast-paced schedule; we have just 21 days to tell this story. It’s more than just saying lines and turning the light on. You have to drive the story—there’s a technical aspect.
Way to lay it on thick, Angela. It’s a damn Lifetime movie. You don’t need to have graduated from Juilliard and extensively trained with Sir Laurence Olivier at The National Theater to be in a Lifetime movie. Tori Spelling has been in several Lifetime movies and if Tori can do it, so can a wet packet of Silica Gel. In other words, ANYBODY and ANYTHING can be in a Lifetime movie. Lindsay Lohan wasn’t illuminating the complexities of human behavior and life when she was butchering Elizabeth Taylor’s image in that Liz & Dick crap. She was illuminating shit acting and that’s about it. “Acting is a craft” shit aside, Angela really told no lies and wasn’t even being mean. But Bobbi Kristina got mad at Angela and said that Angela was born with a dick.
The delusion in BK’s head could fill her gap toof a million times over. First of all, BK is setting herself up by saying she’s going to win an Oscar and a Grammy and she’s crazy for thinking she could play Whitney Houston. BK could probably play the title role in The Bobby Brown Story, but The Whitney Houston Story, no. BK should go back to fucking her adoptive brother and stop dragging Angela Bassett. In the words of Yaya, RESPEITO, BK. RESPEITO!
Casting Bobbi Kristina as Whitney Houston would’ve been ridiculous and a shameless stunt, which is why I’m surprised that Lifetime didn’t do it.
via Necole Bitchie