Those kittens want off that scary ride.
Thoroughly unpleasant and formerly popular mess Andy Dick, 51, was fired for sexually harassing humans on the set of some independent movie that no one will ever see. The Hollywood Reporter says that Dick was dropped from the cast of Raising Buchanan after he was accused of behavior like “groping people’s genitals, unwanted kissing/licking and sexual propositions of at least four members of the production.” Go big or go home, eh Dick? Continue reading
It’s been over 10 long years since rap master Kevin Federline sharted out “PopoZão” and taught us that it’s possible to caca through our ear holes. The saying “genius takes time” is true and this newest work of art proves it. It took the Mozart of rap a decade to release a song that’ll make you wish Tampax made tiny tampons for your ears. Listening to it won’t cause you to caca through your ear holes, but you will bleed.
Throw on your Von Dutch trucker hat, pop your collar and put your Motorola Razr on mute, because TMZ has taken us all the way back to 2005 by posting KFed’s new video “Hollywood,” which also stars Andy Dick and Aaron Carter’s flow coach Crichy Crinch, whose claim to fame is getting Tara Reid’s name tattooed onto his arm. This mess is so 2005 that it’s practically a Four Loko stain on a pink UGG.
But KFed did manage to bring it to the NOW thanks to a scene where a fourth-tier Amber Rose impersonator (who looks more like a third-tier Susan Powter impersonator) and a fifth-tier Kanye West impersonator (who looks more like a fourth-tier Ray-J impersonator) get into some #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch action. The Amber/Kanye scene is pretty disappointing, because I doubt the booty hole Jesus uses drugstore lube like a normal peon. Kanye’s b-hole is probably self-lubricating, and not only that, but KFed missed an opportunity to make a “PooPooOw” joke.
There’s also a bootleg Leonardo DiCaprio impersonator in this for some reason. Brit Brit Spears must’ve cut KFed’s child support payments, because it’s obvious that everybody involved in this worked for dusty copies of Playing With Fire.
Believe it or not, the most painful part of that video isn’t the song or the sight of Andy Dick getting off while wiping his asshole with KFed’s CD. What’s really painful is that I still look at KFed and think to myself that I’d totally let him PopoZão me. No, I don’t love myself.
And here’s KFed looking like STAINS‘ strung out second cousin at Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas last December.
“That’s genius!” screamed Lindsay Lohan, as she began frantically rummaging around in Dina’s garage for her old bicycle.
According to TMZ, Andy Dick has once again redefined the word HOT MESS. Last week, Andy was riding his bike around Hollywood (note: I ride my bike everywhere, and even I wouldn’t ride around Hollywood. That shit is dangerous! I don’t wanna get hit by one of those homemade tour buses!) when he saw a guy wearing a chain he liked. So he pulled over and asked if he could see it. The guy recognized it was Andy Dick, thought “Surely a man with a history of being crazy won’t do anything crazy“, and handed over the $1000 necklace. That’s when Andy grabbed it and rode off.
TMZ says the owner of the chain then went to police to report that Andy Dick had stolen his joo-rey, but they couldn’t find him anywhere. Unfortunately for Andy, the police found him last night near his apartment in Hollywood, and they arrested his chain-stealing getaway bike-riding buttered popcorn-looking ass. He was released early this morning when someone posted his $25,000 bail.
The only thing I really want to know is how high was Andy Dick when this happened. You’ve got to be pretty fucked to steal someone’s necklace and ride away on a bicycle. Then again, you’ve got to be pretty fucked to hand over a necklace to Andy Dick on a bicycle. Then again, if you’ve ever lived in Hollywood (which I did for a very short time), you know that Andy Dick rolling up to you on a bike and asking to see your necklace is not even that weird. I’ve seen a Spiderman wearing Ugg boots slap another Spiderman with a Wetzel’s Pretzel at a bus stop once. So yeah, dude who handed over your necklace, I get it. You’re dumb, but I get it.
The last time I posted about Richard Grieco, he was looking like Johnny Depp if Johnny Depp was bit by a zombie, fell into a vat of boiling oil and spent his days smoking meth off of a tin spoon under the pier at the beach (“So you mean, like Johnny Depp today?” – you). Well, what a difference a year, a bottle of Bonne Bell foundation, a haircut by a speed freak with arthritic hands and some old L.A. Looks gel makes!
Richard Grieco graced the lessers with his presence at last night’s L.A. premiere of 22 Jump Street, because well, the producers promised him a couple of drink tickets and a half-carton of Reds if he showed up. While a bunch of borings showed up being boring, Richard Grieco showed them how sexy is really done. Yes, sexy IS looking like a parched turtle doing its best impersonation of Eddie Munster as a bunch of black crows attack its head. Richard Grieco still has it.
Here’s more of Richard along with pictures of others like Channing Tatum, Dave Franco and Andy Dick. I know, Richard Grieco AND Andy Dick in the same theater together. How didn’t that theater immediately fill with gallons upon gallons of crotch cream?
At the 3:20 mark in the clip above, Andy Dick (looking like Courtney Love) awkwardly and drunkenly climbs up next to a sitting male audience member and lifts up his gypsy skirt before giving the dude a cheek full of NO!!!!!!! That male audience member is way too calm, because if Andy Dick’s crotch started creeping towards your face, the theme song from JAWS would start filling your head and you’d immediately stop, drop and roll to the nearest exit out of fear that if you don’t, a dark-sided image will be branded into your brain and not even a million kitten videos will be able to banish it. But the dude stayed sitting and now he’s suing.
TMZ reports that Robert Tucker filed a lawsuit against Andy Dick, claiming that he was degraded and humiliated when Daphne Aguilera allegedly gave his face a peen massage during a performance at a club in Dallas last December. Robert says in his lawsuit that Andy “pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact the he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt.” Robert claims that Andy then teabag raped his face by rubbing his genitals all over it. Robert’s co-workers have not stopped making fun of him and he’s officially scarred. Robert wants money from Andy, of course. “Yah, me too. Let me know when you find some!” – Andy Dick’s dealer.
If you watch the clip above, you’ll see that Andy’s slimy coke noodle doesn’t seem to make contact with Robert’s face cheek. They share the same breathing space for a minute, but I don’t ever see any “rubbing” going on. But still. If I put my unclothed crotch into a stranger’s face without a signed consent form, the police would tackle me to the ground, handcuff me and drag me by my ankles in a jail cell full of growling men and thick sweat that can double as lube.
Hmm. Since I put it that way, I fully expect Andy to sue the Dallas PD for not putting him in handcuffs before throwing him into a locked room with sweaty men. How dare they deny him that right!
Oh, Andy Dick. Can’t just go to a restaurant, sip on his soda water through a straw and sit politely with his thirst for drunken foolery tucked safely away. Nope. Andy continued to fight his demons (Note: “fight his demons” is the bad sheep second cousin of “over the moon”) by trying to drown them out with alcohol and scare them away by causing a scene in a public place. Another week, another story about Andy Dick ruining somebody’s meal.
Radar says that the police were called to a restaurant in Temecula, CA last night after Andy conducted himself in a disorderly way while under the influence of booze. I’m sure Andy pissed in the corner, stuck his dick in somebody’s burrito and did a shot off of a stranger’s head without asking. The usual!
Andy was charged with misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol and dried out in the tank before he was released on $500 bail.
On a positive note, Andy’s mug shot is the best I’ve seen him look in a long time. It must be the silver fuzzy butt chin that’s drawing me in. You know I get weak for silver fuzzy butts (see: Mah Boo).
And the next time Andy wants to have a good time, he should just hook up with these old dudes instead of terrorizing a restaurant with his acts of drunken assholery.
This is totally what will happen you if hide your Ecstasy pills in your daddy’s Viagra bottle.