Perpetually perky blonde Amy Poehler landed herself on The Hollywood Reporter’s “The 40(ish) Most Powerful People in Comedy” list under the category “The Movie Stars”. For her segment, they asked Amy a list of dumb fluff questions; the kind you might find in a dozen different magazines you leaf through while waiting in line at the checkout stand. Amy answered all the questions, but she did it on her terms. It turns out Amy’s turned her smile all the way upside down and is not here for the bullshit, not in #thesetryingtimes.
Amy Poehler’s directorial debut will be in a Netflix comedy which, according to The Hollywood Reporter, is about a group of “longtime friends who go to Napa for a weekend getaway to celebrate a 50th birthday“ and for some reason it’s not called White Girls (And Maya Rudolph) Trip. Seems like a missed opportunity to me but they’re going with Wine Country as the title. In addition to directing, Amy will also be producing and is cramming as many of her lady comedy cohorts into the cast as she can.
When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
“Hi, you thirsty, literally, haters!” – the Marie Antoinette of the California drought in that picture.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the city of Beverly Hills has been the worst when it comes to cutting back on using water during the California drought. It takes a whole lot of water to keep their gigantic ass lawns lush and green, their pools full and their pristine skin cleansed of the peasant germs that touch them when they go outside of their gates. The state of California put its cities on a water diet by forcing cutbacks by as much as 35%. The rich bitches of Beverly Hills were forced to reduce their water use by 32%. They have failed hard and didn’t meet their goal for four straight months. State water officials have fined the city and so the city is punching back at its citizens the old-fashioned way: PUBLIC SHAMING!
When I saw Alicia Vikander (now Academy Award Winner Alicia Vikander) stroll down the red carpet last night, it gave me a massive nostalgia high. A lot of people probably did, thanks to Alicia’s Beauty and the Beast realness. But gazing upon that pale yellow poofy Louis Vuitton dress instantly whooshed me back to memories of playing a game called Beautiful Lady in my childhood bedroom. The rules of Beautiful Lady were simple: look like a beautiful lady. Usually I would play it safe and throw on a Dress n’ Dazzle 3-in-1 Glamour Gown and my exquisite Burger King ThunderCats ring. But if I wanted to look extra beautiful, I’d pull the fitted sheet off my bed and make a stunning ballgown.
I liked to use the fitted sheet because it was far more glamorous and show-stopping than the flat sheet. It puffed out at the bottom, and as everyone knew in the 80s, puffy = instant sophistication. It was dead easy – I’d just wrap it around my waist and fasten it with a banana clip. Then I’d throw on my “wig” (a pair of black nylons) and wait for the flattery to roll in. Alicia clearly knows that Beautiful Lady is always the look, because she made sure to pair her bedsheet dress with flat-on-top/long-in-the-back hair too. Although I don’t think her jewelry came from Burger King. If I had to guess, it’s probably some cheap crap from Harry Winston or something.
Alicia wasn’t the only one who was giving me flashbacks to my homemade fashion years. Kate Winslet also took me for a walk down memory lane.
I guess this week’s theme is, “Hos You Forgot Were Dating Until It Was Announced That They’re No Longer Dating.”
Amy Poehler and Nick Kroll (the billionaire’s son from Kroll Show and the dude from The League who didn’t lie about almost dying in 9/11) were smashing their fuck parts together for 2 years, but they’re not anymore. A source tells UsWeekly that Amy and the butcher and bearded Chris Kattan just couldn’t make it work, because she’s so busy and he’s so busy and they couldn’t find the time to be busy together.
“Unfortunately, they just couldn’t make the relationship work with their schedules,” says one insider close to the Parks and Recreation actress, 44, and the Kroll Show star, 37.
Upcoming projects constantly came between Kroll and the mom of two (she shares Archie, 6, and Abel, 5, with ex-husband Will Arnett). “They really tried, but it just wasn’t realistic anymore,” adds the source. “They were spending more time apart than together.”
Whenever Hollywood types break up, some source usually burps out some generic crap about how they had to dump their relationship into the gutter because they were just never ever together. Er, I thought that not seeing each other’s faces for long periods of time was one of the keys to a long-lasting happy relationship. Doesn’t absence makes the heart and genitals grow fonder? You know, after not seeing each other for weeks, they’d go into a room together, get naked, hump for a while, light up a joint, say a total of 16 words about what they’ve been up to and get dressed before going back to their oh-so-fucking busy schedules. That seems like the perfect relationship to me! I’m guessing that the real reason they broke up is because the Hammaconda is on the loose now and Amy wants a huge piece of that. Now that’s a good reason to dump a trick.