Emma Stone really didn’t have much to say about that junior prom princess dress when she reached Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet of the Golden Globes last night. The face she’s making in that picture above kind of says all that needs to be said, really. It’s very “Please direct all Worst Dressed lists to my stylist.”
Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it!
“Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax figure on the guest list,” said the organizers of the opening gala of the Palm Springs International Festival last night when Nicole Kidman walked the red carpet in one of Elle Fanning’s old dresses that her kids doodled on. That dress was made by Dior, but it looks more like something from David Bridal’s collection of wedding clothes inspired by Angelina Jolie’s doodled-on wedding dress. That whole look is giving me a Big situation. Because of that end-of-the-night prom hair and that dress from Justice, it looks like a little girl took over her body and made all of the design decisions for her. It’s a little Whatever Happened To Baby Jane goes to spring formal.
Thankfully, glamorous savior Suzanne Somers once again cleansed the red carpet of messy dreadfulness with her Ann Jillian razor cut, Wayland Flowers-approved rouge and L’eggs covered legs.
If it went with her ensemble, I’d say that Suzanne Somers should get a Medal of Honor for saving events with her sparkly glamour!
And here’s more pics from the Palm Springs International Film Festival including Natalie Portman wearing Darth Vader maternity chic and Pharrell Williams looking like the manager at a matador-themed gay club that only plays songs from the 80s.
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
That haircut may be questionable, but it’s still no question that I would.
While Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s hair screamed army hipster dude and his beefed-up Ball Park frank body was squeezed into a tux, he posed with wife Sam Taylor-Johnson at the Venice Film Festival premiere of Nocturnal Animals today. Nocturnal Animals is Tom Ford’s second movie as a director and besides ATJ, it also stars Amy Adams, Jake Gyllenhaal, Isla Fisher, Michael Shannon, Laura Linney, Michael Sheen and Armie Hammer. I skimmed through a few reviews from Venice and most of them were good and a few of them said that this is the MOVIE OF THE YEAR. Others said that Amy Adams’ performance may have earned her a place next to Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Julianne Moore in the It Took Fucking Long Enough But I Finally Got My Oscar club.
While reading the reviews, I noticed that Nocturnal Animals got an R-rating for “graphic nudity,” among other things. The “graphic nudity” may go down in this scene (via The Hollywood Reporter):
An eye-opening sequence that plays under the opening titles features a hefty middle-aged burlesque dancer in drum-majorette accessories but otherwise naked, dancing in front of a red curtain.
If that’s the only scene in the movie that has “graphic nudity” in it, then Tom Ford needs to retire from directing movies forever! I mean, if your movie has “graphic nudity,” as well as Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Taylor-Johnson in it, and none of the “graphic nudity” is done by either them, then you cannot be considered a serious auteur. I’m sure that’s one of the laws of cinema.
Pics: Getty, Wenn.com
I see you trying to think you can recreate this easy, breeze, beautiful beachy look using an old bottle of Sun-In that’s been living in the back of your bathroom cabinet for decades, Morton sea salt, tap water, White Rain hairspray and a dream. But sorry, tricks, Jason Momoa got those locks naturally from resting on top of his surfboard under the sun after choking out and cunt-punting a school of sharks trying to attack a dolphin. Jason Momoa IS Aquaman.
Jason worked Jennifer Aniston’s Mexican vacation dream hair with a hot velvet blazer at last night’s London premiere of Who Cares v. Who Cares: Just Bring Me Wonder Woman. I trolled through a bunch of pictures of the premiere and didn’t see any of Jason Momoa with Lisa Bonet. Lisa Bonet must have stayed her ass home, because she wasn’t in the mood for jealousy trollops throwing her looks that clearly say, “You got to bone Lenny Kravitz on the regular and now you get to bone Jason Momoa on the regular? How do I shapeshift into your cooch?”
And here’s more pics from last night’s premiere including some of Wonder Woman looking like Christmas, Ben Affleck and Mark Hamill!
“You can’t act worth a damn. I only hired you because we couldn’t afford Jessica Chastain. You have cankles. Wait, you’re not crying yet. Okay, while on my way over here, I stopped by your house and kicked your new kitten.” – David O. Russell in that picture, probably.
There’s been story after story about how director David O. Russell is a throbbing dick slit wart and working with him is about as pleasant and easy as using hot sauce as lube to butt bone yourself with a durian fruit. Cases in point: David O had a cuntastic meltdown and went after Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees. He allegedly molested his niece’s chest in a gym. He made a studio executive cry on the set of Joy. And that’s probably just the tip of the dick wad iceberg. Now here’s another story about what a piece of butt corn he is and I’m sure David O doesn’t mind it. Because every time a story about him being a nip pimple comes out, he stops punching a blind orphan puppy to cackle into the night sky over everyone being reminded of his asshole ways.