Glenn Close deserves another award for acting like she’s grateful to tie with that lesser!
WTF was redefined twice last night at the Critics’ Choice Awards when two categories saw ties. TIES! There was a tie for Best Actress in a Limited Series or Movie Made for Television when both Amy Adams (for Sharp Objects) and Patricia Arquette (for Escape at Dannemora) won. And the legendary Glenn Close tied for Best Actress in a movie with amateur actress Lady Gaga. Glenn Close is a professional, so she didn’t do what she should’ve done, which is to sashay up to the mic and say, “You hate me. You really fucking hate me!”
There was lots of glamour, color, and levity on display on the red carpet for last night’s Critics’ Choice Awards. And I’m going to go ahead and give all the credit to Judith Light. Judith set the tone, and everybody else did their level best to match her energy. There was probably a panicked buzz of “Judith Light, Judith Light, Judith Light” spreading among Hollywood stylists when they realized she was going to be there, forcing everyone to step up their game. Nobody quite got there, but they tried and that’s what counts. Ultimately, posing through Christian Siriano-made polka dots the size of dinner plates, Judith put all the kids on blast. If Judith wanted to be a real pal, she should have given a posing tutorial before the red carpet. Some people could really have used the help (see after the cut).
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
During Oscar bait season next year, you’ll be able to escape the nightmare reality of this world with a feel-good Dick Cheney biopic! Oscar-nominated writer/director Adam McKay (who directed Step Brothers, Anchorman, Talladega Nights and The Big Short) has been working on a Dick Cheney movie, and Deadline says that he is talking to Christian Bale about taking on Dick. Adam is probably talking to Daniel Day-Lewis about playing the friend that Dick Cheney accidentally shot during a quail hunt. Because DDL is the only true thespian who’d say, “I’m offended that you think I wouldn’t, sir!”, after fellow method actor Christian Bale asks to shoot him for real during their scene.
We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.
We’ve been shitting up post after post from last night’s Adele Appreciation Ceremony (Featuring Adele Appreciating Beyonce), but another awards show happened yesterday. Two weeks before Hollywood gets dressed up in $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the Oscars, they got into $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the BAFTAs last night.