Four days ago, Amy Schumer went Instagram official with her boyfriend of three months, chef Chris Fischer, by posting a picture of them kissing at Ellen DeGeneres’ 60th birthday party in Los Angeles. It seems like every famous person was at Ellen’s party. Amy and Chris are from the east coast, and they must have decided to take advantage of the nice weather and all their friends being in one place. Because UsWeekly says that Amy and Chris rented a fancy house in Malibu on Tuesday, and texted 80 of their friends to come over for a wedding. According to sources, that last-minute guest list included Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Aniston, Larry David, David Spade, Jerry Seinfeld, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Judd Apatow. And it does sound like it was all done at the last minute.
You should know by now that Mo’Nique is a fighter who’s not afraid to speak her mind. She accused Lee Daniels of black balling her for “not playing the game” and being difficult to work with, even after she won an Oscar in Daniel’s Precious. She also came after Oprah and Tyler Perry and accused them of conspiring to snatch the role in The Butler out from between her hairy legs. Now Netflix is on Mo’Nique’s hit list for what she perceives as color and gender bias based on the relative offers received by herself, Amy Schumer, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle for comedy specials on the network. And she’s asking for a boycott.
Amy Schumer can let out a hardy “I’m rich, biatch!” now, because she went to Netflix and told them she was worth as much as Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock and wasn’t laughed out of the room.
Thespian Club Barbie Anne Hathaway must have taken that jeer to heart over the years, because the Hollywood Reporter is saying Anne is in talks to take over for Amy Schumer in the live-action Barbie movie. I can already imagine Anne renting a pink convertible from the Hertz at LAX, donning one of Kim Zolciak’s wigs and driving over to producer Amy Pascal’s house to perform Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” on her front lawn, refusing to leave until she gets the part. “I was born for this! America already thinks I’m a stiff!!! Did you know I have an OSCARRR?!”
Amy Schumer’s Barbie was supposed to be all about feminism and identity. Amy’s woke Barb was to suddenly realize she didn’t fit in at the dollhouse, and make a beeline to the real world, because there are obviously no fake, plastic people on these shores! Clearly, Barbie wasn’t going to turn on E! or pass a newsstand while on her enlightened trip to reality.
Sony wouldn’t comment on negotiations, but the movie is still targeted for release next summer, which means Anne’s next chance for an Oscar has to get moving pronto! Amy had to drop out because this thing sounds like a fucking disaster she had scheduling conflicts. Now that she’s just sitting around certainly NOT sticking pins into an Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins voodoo doll, Anne has all the time in the world!
After dating for almost a year and a half, Amy Schumer and her boyfriend Ben Hanisch are done. Amy’s rep announced the news with a very generic statement.
“Amy and Ben have ended their relationship after thoughtful consideration and remain friends.”
Wow, no “It is with a heavy heart…” even? At least dress it up a little. It also kind of sounds like this breakup was the equivalent to a shrug, which is a bit of a surprise. Earlier this month, Howard Stern asked Amy if she was in love with Ben, who she met on a dating app. She replied, “Hell yeah” and said that she would “Maybe” marry him.
Ben Hanisch is a Chicago-based furniture designer, so this could be the last we ever hear of him. Or who knows, maybe he got a taste of sweet lady fame and will attempt to channel that $70 haircut and suburban good looks into an attempt at becoming the next Bachelor. Amy is a famous person, which means she’ll stay single until her publicist starts dropping hints that it’s time to get out there and be seen with someone at whatever next month’s Catch will be.
Since it’s almost summer, I say that Amy should make the most out of it and try to stay unattached until at least September. Summer is a great time to be free and casual. There’s nothing like putting your mouth on as many random mouths that taste like Hawaiian Punch and orange vodka as possible while trying to ignore all the sweat rolling down your business.
Just like Gwyneth Paltrow before them, Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham haven’t been too subtle when it comes to letting people know what they think of the Met Gala. Last year, Amy Schumer crapped all over the Met Gala when she claimed to have told Beyonce that 2016 would be her first and last time going. She also said it felt like punishment, and described everyone as being dressed up like “a bunch of fucking assholes.” Lena Dunham also claimed to have had a crappy time last year because Odell Beckham Jr. failed to hit on her (she later apologized for that).