Back in December, it was announced that Amy Schumer would be playing Barbie in Sony’s live action Barbie movie. Amy was playing a version of Barbie who doesn’t fit in with all the other Barbies. That minor detail didn’t matter to some people on the internet who though she was too big to be playing any Barbie. Amy didn’t care; she claimed she was “so honored” to be playing such an “icon.” Sony is going to have to find someone else who would be honored to step into Barbie’s iconic hard plastic pink heels, because Amy Schumer is out. Jennifer Coolidge, call your agent!
Amy tells Variety she’s “bummed” about not being able to play Barbie, and she blames it on scheduling conflicts. Production on Barbie was supposed to start on June 23, but that’s right in the middle of her promotional tour for Snatched. After that, Amy begins shooting She Came to Me with Steve Carell and Nicole Kidman. Amy adds that Sony and Mattel have been great partners, and she can’t wait to see the film when it comes out.
Variety says Sony needed to stick to that schedule, because Mattel has merchandise to move. Sony chimed in regarding Amy’s departure. They say they respect and support her decision to leave, and that they look forward to sharing updates on casting.
Not only was Amy supposed to play Barbie, but apparently she also punched up the script. Variety says they have no idea if Sony will keep Amy’s script changes. I have a feeling they probably won’t. An Amy Schumer-ized script really only works if Amy Schumer is saying the words. It’s going to be really awkward hearing whoever ends up playing Barbie warn Ken that her plastic no-crotch smells like a barnyard animal.
When you become a rich person, there’s lot of stuff you can do with your money. You could adopt six dogs and buy each of them their own boat. You could hire a dozen actors to dress up and re-create old episodes of Sailor Moon. If you’re Amy Schumer, one of the things you do is buy your daddy back the farm he lost many years ago.
Yesterday Amy announced on Instagram that Christmas came early for her dad Gordon Schumer. She posted a screen grab of herself FaceTiming with her dad to tell him she bought back their family farm. UsWeekly says Amy’s dad lost their farm when she was 12-years-old after he was diagnosed with MS and went bankrupt. She also Instagrammed a clip from a home movie that her dad took of Lil’ Amy running away through a corn field at their farm before they had to move.
The last time Amy did something that warmed my heart, it was after I watched the trailer for Snatched and got all angry inside after seeing Goldie Hawn look anything but gorgeous. But this time she legitimately made me feel things. Amy’s dad currently lives in an assisted living facility, so buying the farm back is really more about the gesture of it all. That is, unless Amy bought it with the intention of putting her dad back to work. In which case, that’s a really crappy present. “Merry Christmas! NOW GET OUT THERE AND PLANT ME SOME TURNIPS.”
Amy doesn’t say who will run this farm she recently bought. Maybe she’ll hire someone and just show up every other weekend to help. I’m sure they could always use an extra hoe in the field.
Goldie Hawn hasn’t been in a movie since 2002’s The Banger Sisters, which is beyond shameful. But Goldie Hawn is finally back.
The official trailer for Amy Schumer’s latest “Wah, I’m a mess!” movie, Snatched, was released today. If you’re looking at that screengrab above and wondering if it’s a spiritual sequel to Snatch starring living Gerald Scarfe drawings, it’s not. Goldie and Amy play a mother and daughter who go on vacation to South America, where shit immediately goes down after Amy meets a hot guy at a bar. They get kidnapped by South American gangsters. It’s like Trainwreck meets How Stella Got Her Groove Back meets the Bolivian part of Scarface, all wrapped up in a package that will make you want to take a shower. They’re so grimy-looking in this movie.
Last week it was announced that Amy Schumer is playing Barbie in Sony’s live-action Barbie movie, which was confusing to some people for a number of reasons, like why Sony was making a movie about Barbie over the much more glamorous fashion doll Tuesday Taylor (that’s confusing logic to me, at least). As Michael already pointed out, Barbie’s body is shaped like a Kardashian’s after a buggy photo-slimming app, and Amy Schumer’s body is shaped like a persons, which I’m sure made some people initially wonder how that was going to work. It was explained that Amy was going to play some sort of unconventional outcast Barbie. That made more sense. It didn’t matter to some people though, and they let it be known on Twitter that Amy doesn’t have the body to be playing any kind of Barbie. Well, Amy has words for those people.
“Um, Michael, you dumb bitch, that’s now how you spell ‘a drunk Cabbage Patch Doll.’” – everyone
2016 shoved another bold-faced ? into all of our brains today when it was announced that Amy Schumer is starring in Sony’s live-action Barbie movie. That pounding sound you hear is from the thousands of think pieces being written about this right now.
Barbie’s waist is about the size of a flea’s cock ring, her arms are skinnier than floss, her tits are nipple-less and she’s got a case of no-ass. Amy Schumer’s body doesn’t look like that, but Deadline says there’s a reason for why she’s starring in the Barbie movie.
Last Saturday, Tidal released a video of Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn, Wanda Sykes and Joan Cusack lip-synching to Beyonce’s Formation while on the set of their new movie Mother/Daughter. The internet wasn’t feeling Amy Schumer lip syncing about baby hairs and hot sauce and whatnot. The Beyhive and Twitter got in formation and slapped at her for the video they thought was tasteless. Amy Schumer responded twice to the people callng her out. Surprisingly, neither response was a video of her saying Sorry in face paint while Maria Sharapova twerked around her.