A blank table, non-processed food and a bartender screaming “last call” are just a few things that Sandra Lee hates. You can now add “Paul Ryan” to that list. Sandra was doing a cooking segment on Fox & Friends last week and House Speaker Paul Ryan was also on the show. The rumor from Page Six went that Fox & Friends’ hosts asked Paul to stay for Sandra Lee’s cooking segment, but like Nicole Kidman and Giada’s focacca, she wanted nothing to do with him and shooed him away. A source said then that to Sandra, Paul Ryan is like a plain flour tortilla that hasn’t been covered with microwaved apricot jam, brie cheese and turkey lunch meat. He goes against everything she believes in.
Bruce Springsteen brought sad, sad news to the tricks in North Carolina who were hoping to get boozed up on Bud and bust out some sweet moves to “Dancing in the Dark” at his show in Greensboro on Sunday night. The show isn’t going to happen and it’s all because of that shitty HB2 bill that states that transgender people must use the public bathroom that matches their birth certificate, and it also makes it impossible for an employee to sue over discrimination. The Boss announced on his website today that he’s showing support for the people fighting the bill by canceling his concert on Sunday night at the Greensboro Coliseum. The Boss isn’t having that shit.
As you, my fans, know I’m scheduled to play in Greensboro, North Carolina this Sunday. As we also know, North Carolina has just passed HB2, which the media are referring to as the “bathroom” law. HB2 — known officially as the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act — dictates which bathrooms transgender people are permitted to use. Just as important, the law also attacks the rights of LGBT citizens to sue when their human rights are violated in the workplace. No other group of North Carolinians faces such a burden. To my mind, it’s an attempt by people who cannot stand the progress our country has made in recognizing the human rights of all of our citizens to overturn that progress. Right now, there are many groups, businesses, and individuals in North Carolina working to oppose and overcome these negative developments. Taking all of this into account, I feel that this is a time for me and the band to show solidarity for those freedom fighters. As a result, and with deepest apologies to our dedicated fans in Greensboro, we have canceled our show scheduled for Sunday, April 10th. Some things are more important than a rock show and this fight against prejudice and bigotry — which is happening as I write — is one of them. It is the strongest means I have for raising my voice in opposition to those who continue to push us backwards instead of forwards.
And you know, transphobic rap sensation MH Weibe is going to show up at the Greensboro Coliseum on Sunday and say, “Um, I can fill in!”
When you pay $1,239 (which is the average price of a NYC theater ticket nowadays) to see a show, the last thing you want to deal with is rude audience members who don’t know how to act right and ruin your theater-going experience. Some messes still don’t get it and shit has gotten so crazy that an attention whore wreck recently got on stage during a performance of the Broadway play Hand to God and tried to plug his phone into a fake outlet. Well, if Broadway star and Corky’s mom Patti LuPone was in that show and was on stage at the time, he would’ve gone home without his phone…. because it would have still been attached to the hand she ripped off. Patti has long been a crusader in the anti-rude theatergoers movement and last night, she slipped another victory under her belt when she checked a texter during a show.
Never mind his shifty chihuahua Miguelito throwing us a look like, “I know, he’s acting like this is new information.”
Oscar and Tony-winning treasure and the original Emcee from Cabaret Joel Grey (born name: Joel David Katz) tells People that labels aren’t for him, but if he had to do that he’d label himself as a gay man. Joel was married to actress Jo Wilder from 1958 to 1982 and they made two kids together, James Katz and Baby Houseman (aka Jennifer Grey). Joel says that he’s always gotten the tingles for chicks and dudes, but it took him a while to be honest with himself about his love of guys. Joel says that he’s been out to his family and friends for years, but he has never publicly said that yes, he is a friend of Dorothy’s daughter, but he’s also a friend of Dorothy as well. (Side note: While doing research for this post, as a serious journalist does,, I learned this hilarious and crazy fact about “the friend of Dororthy” phrase.) As the gay community sings “willkommen, bienvenue” to Joel, he said this to People:
“I don’t like labels, but if you have to put a label on it, I’m a gay man. All the people close to me have known for years who I am. Yet] it took time to embrace that other part of who I always was.”
Baby Houseman also said some words to People about her father coming out at this point in his life:
“I feel very happy for my dad that he has come to a point in his life where he feels safe and comfortable enough to declare himself in a public way as a gay man. Mostly because the more people are free to own their true nature and can hopefully come closer to love and accept themselves as they really are, no matter what age, no matter how long it takes, to finally be free of the lies or half truths, it is freedom.”
Joel Grey is 82 years old and proves that you’re never ever too old to let it be known that you love man nalgas and peen. It’s never too late. And if that last sentence was an action, it’d be a double wink at John Travolta.
You could throw the script from The Last Picture Show, a 6-pack of Coca-Cola, and Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A. in a blender, and you still wouldn’t have as much American symbolism as there is in this story from The Hairpin (via Loganville-Grayson Patch) :
“A couple was arrested Sunday (Nov. 3) in connection to having sex while drunk in the Waffle House parking lot in Loganville.
According to the Loganville Police report, an officer saw the woman and male engaging in the sexual act in the backseat of a Dodge truck at the 4752 Atlanta Highway establishment around 1:30 a.m. The car smelled strongly of alcohol.
The officer told the couple to get dressed and show him their licenses. While the man immediately put his pants on and complied, the woman simply sat in the passenger’s seat. The officer had to tell her numerous times to put her clothes on, the report says.
But when the female finally got dressed, she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal.”
She put a cheeseburger. On her foot. As if it were a sandal.
Never have I wanted to be friends with a stranger from the internet so badly. I’m going to spend the next 30 minutes searching hashtags like #CheeseburgerSandal and #PrideOfLoganville on Twitter because I want to invite her to my birthday party. Wearing a cheeseburger as a shoe is next-level bonkers and I, for one, want to see what other varieties of crazy she brings to the table. I could see myself telling other guests: “No, that birthday cake isn’t for eating; it’s for when Charla polishes off that case of beer and I convince her it’s gotten cold enough in here to wear a hat.”
Truth Time: This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of someone wearing a cheeseburger as a shoe. This story may only be funny to myself (send me your address and I’ll write you a personal letter of apology later) but one time a friend and I were walking past McDonald’s and she stepped on a cheeseburger that someone had dropped (unwrapped, otherwise I would have considered eating it. And yes, gross). Her foot made contact with the bun and she slid erratically across the sidewalk and into the crosswalk with a cheeseburger stuck to the bottom of her foot. Then a homeless man laughed at her for slipping and sliding on a McDonald’s cheeseburger which, in retrospect, I think he may have put it there as some kind of post-modern banana peel gag. Or he was expecting her to wear it as a shoe, I have no idea; we’re talking about cheeseburger shoes here.
Dear Iggy Azalea and every other white girl rapper out there, there’s a seat with your name on it, because you can sit all the way down now that Dolly Parton has joined the game and killed it at the same time. Dolly propped up her American treasure titties, threw one of RuPaul’s blonde afro wigs on her head, clipped some bangs onto it and rapped about twerking and chichis on The Queen Latifah Show. This is some full force fuckery and if anybody else did this, my eyes would roll into the next zip code, but Dolly Parton can do no wrong and everything she does is pure, one hundred percent solid gold. Stomp those other white girl rappers with those tittehs, Dolly!