Category: American Idol

Ryan Seacrest Is Officially The Host Of The “American Idol” Reboot

July 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Much to the surprise of no one I’m sure, Ryan Seacrest – the perpetually-smiling theme park animatronic who longs to one day be a real boy – has officially been named as the host of ABC’s American Idol. Variety says ABC confirmed the news after Kelly Ripa announced it on Live With Kelly and Ryan this morning. “She just had to be the one to do it” probably thought Michael Strahan.

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Katy Perry Isn’t Ashamed Of Her $25 Million Paycheck For “American Idol”

May 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry is the first (and so far only) person to have officially signed on to judge the next wave of desperate singing superstars on ABC’s reboot of American Idol. It was rumored she was earning a pretty penny for it. Actually, it was more like 2,500,000,000 pennies (aka $25 million). Sources told TMZ that ABC was desperate to sign a name, and Katy had all the leverage in negotiating a huge pay check. Katy recently confirmed the rumors were true about her Idol paycheck.

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ABC Confirms They Made A Pact With The Devil By Announcing “Dancing With The Stars Junior” 

May 16, 2017 / Posted by:

ABC held its upfronts presentation (more like “upchuck presentation“) in NYC today and they announced all sorts of shit that’s got people asking, “Whyyyyyy?!” ABC confirmed that they’re dragging American Idol’s still cold body out if its grave next year. They also confirmed the Roseanne revival (the entire cast is back including Sarah Chalke who will play a different role) and they announced that they’re getting into the live musical game by doing The Little Mermaid Live this October (ABC’s offices should block Lindsay Lohan’s cell number because she’ll be burning up their phones now).

But the news that really made me cringe and also made all of the Pimp Mama Krises out there explode with glee is that ABC will air a kid version of Dancing with the Stars. ABC’s Dancing with the Stars Junior will pair child stars and the children of celebrities with junior pro dancers and they’ll do choreographed routines in front of a panel of judges. Every day we stray further from God’s light and get closer to HELL!

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Simon Cowell Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With The “American Idol” Reboot

May 12, 2017 / Posted by:

American Idol: Does Anybody Want This? is rolling full-steam ahead. They reportedly have grinning cereal box mascot Ryan Seacrest returning to host. They tried to get Idol winner Kelly Clarkson as a judge, but lost her to a spinning red chair. Apparently they have tried to get Simon Cowell as well. Simon was asked by his former girlfriend Terri Seymour yesterday on Extra if he’s going to be on the new Idol. To borrow from his pal Randy Jackson, it was a no from him, dawg. Simon is happy remembering the glory days of Idol and doesn’t want to be part of the new one.

“I was asked to do it, and the answer is no. I have no interest. My memories are when we first started. It was a different time with Randy [Jackson], Ryan [Seacrest] and Paula [Abdul]. You can’t recreate that. Last time I watched, it was not the same show, just the same name. I left for a reason and I never regretted that.”

Simon isn’t exactly sitting at home watching his dogs sniff their asses all day. He signed a contract back in October to stay on America’s Got Talent through to 2019.

First Kelly turns Idol down, now Simon. The good news is that if producers run out of potential judge options by audition time, they’ve got the perfect temporary substitutes. The auditions for New Idol will be held at Disney World; all they have to do is just grab a couple animatronics from the Carousel of Progress and program them to say stuff like “Wow, I’ve got chills” and “It’s a no.” Plus, they’ll work for batteries, and they’ll get along great with fellow robot Ryan Seacrest.

Pic: Wenn.com

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