That Rolling Stone interview from last year gave me the impression that Johnny Depp’s closest friends are his legal team (and any random journalists who happen to stop by for a chat). Now I’m pretty sure I’m right because he’s just filed a wild $50 million lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. In it he states that Amber’s claims of domestic abuse are all just “an elaborate hoax to generate positive publicity” for herself. The suit is pinned to claims Amber made in a December, 2018 Op-Ed for The Washington Post. Johnny also dragged Elon Musk into this mess by claiming he and Amber started their relationship a month after they were married, and that Elon was at their house, creeping in and out of the penthouse elevator, the night he and Amber got into a fight over a postnuptial agreement. Johnny says that fight led to Amber throwing a vodka bottle at him, which resulted in him having to have his finger “surgically reattached”. Just when we all finished treatment for the smoke inhalation we suffered from during their train wreck of a divorce, Johnny is bringing it back. Grab your oxygen masks!
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
It’s been 11 months and 21 days since Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce was finalized after what felt like decades of tabloid drama. But sadly, just because they are no longer married doesn’t mean we’re free from hearing the most intimate details of their hideous relationship. Johnny is currently suing The Sun for defamation over an April 2008 story which called him a “wife-beater” (the original headline read “How can J.K. Rowling be ‘genuinely happy’ casting wife-beater Johnny Depp in the new Fantastic Beasts film?”). As such, a 471-page deposition is being examined for proof that Johnny abused his wife. The poor clerk who has to work in the courthouse where their divorce records are stored has probably been waiting to take her lunch break since 2016. Can somebody please at least let a bitch step out for a sandwich! According to The Hollywood Reporter, we now know that the couple referred to Johnny as “The Monster” when he was in a mood, and Amber was afraid of him.
Jason Momoa is what you might call a very hot person, and sometimes very hot people get used to being the center of attention. So what happens when a very hot person doesn’t get the attention they’re accustomed to? They pull some Marvel/DC cross-over shenanigans in which Aquaman channels his inner Hulk.
The first red carpet premiere of Aquaman happened yesterday in London. The first reviews of Aquaman have actually been pretty good, which is nice for DC Films and Warner Bros., because anything that helps people forget about the turd titled Justice League is no doubt much appreciated. Sadly that’s where the good reviews end, and the shady ones begin. And I’m of course talking about the couture swim cap Amber Heard wore to the premiere yesterday.
Two years ago, there was some Harry Potter-adjacent casting news that made people almost flip their shit as hard as they did when they cast a black Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Except this uproar was just a bit more justified. It involved Johnny Depp, the Fantastic Beasts series, and the ongoing abuse allegations. Johnny is finally talking about that time.