When Amal Clooney showed up to the royal wedding last week, I was awed over her having the balls to wear a matador hat she stole from Madonna’s “Take A Bow” video for a royal function, and also scratching my head as to why she and husband George Clooney got to go. It was rumored George got invited because of Casamigos. Alas, it appears Amal and Duchess Meghan are total BFFs, and she’s helping Meghan get acclimated to London. I hope that means teaching her about all the good fried chip shops around Kensington Palace and which days at G-A-Y Bar are best for drag queen gawking. Continue reading
True story: It was rainy and overcast in London today and just when everyone was about to sing (in their best Alanis Morissette voice), “It’s like raaaaaaaain on your wedding day,” to Meghan Markle, the clouds cleared, the sky turned blue and then sun came out when Oprah appeared!
Oprah was one of the first to show up at St. George’s Chapel for the royal wedding today, which made many brains poot out a “Que?” There’s a rumor that Oprah interviewed Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland, so some think that’s why she was invited to the wedding. But excuse you, while us regular humans may need an invitation to attend something like the royal wedding, Oprah doesn’t. Oprah just shows up and sits wherever she wants. I’d like to see one of those tricks ask Oprah if they can see her invitation. Their skin would end up embedded into the concrete after a lightning bolt from the heavens flattened them.
Oprah pretty much led the non-stop parade of stars that made it through that church today. There were so many celebrities that I thought diabolical red carpet gnome Ryan Seacrest was going to pop up with a mic to asks guests who they’re wearing, I mean, ask them awkwardly worded questions about #MeToo. Warning: Lots of celebrities went to today’s wedding so there’s lot of pictures to scroll through. So stretch your finger, put a workout belt on it, and keep a bottle of water handy for when it gets the heated sweats halfway through and needs to cool off.
The clock tower is about to ring noon. There is an audible gasp from inside St. George’s Chapel. In walks a stunning creature dressed in thousands of dollars worth of custom couture. Guests can be heard whispering, “I can’t believe it” and “So gorgeous.” And then as they approach the soft light from the prettiest stained-glass window, he says, “Yes, it’s me, Oscar-winning actor George Clooney. But really folks, it’s not my day, let’s keep the attention on the bride.” Then he winks to The Queen, and motions to Duchess Kate that he’ll catch her after the ceremony for an autograph. I’m sure that’s how it’s already playing out in George Clooney’s mind when he attends the royal wedding tomorrow.
There was a rumor that George and Amal Clooney would be on the guest list for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding. A source tells People that rumor is true. The source says Meghan and Amal were introduced to a mutual friend and have been pals ever since Meghan moved from the U.S. to the U.K. in November. Apparently they share “many interests.”
Not only did George and Amal get a wedding invite, but they’re also part of the super-exclusive 200 people who get to party at the private evening. They only live 30 minutes away from Windsor.
George and Amal love a red carpet and cameras. So this means they’ll take their sweet time upon arrival and cause the whole thing to be delayed by at least 2 hours. Jesus, as if the lead-up to this wedding needs to be dragged out any longer!
The Vogue interns got a brief moment of mercy this year when they found out Anna Wintour wouldn’t be sending them through the wood chipper for seating her next to Pimp Mama Kris. Instead, it’s the 2018 Met Gala co-chair, Amal Clooney, who is making everyone at the Haus of Winter and Tom Ford angrily eat carbs because she didn’t wear a Tom Ford dress on the Met Gala red carpet like they thought she would. Continue reading
The Met Gala isn’t a human and isn’t even alive, and yet, that bitch is still getting more action than me.
The theme for the Met’s costume exhibit is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and Catholic Imagination, but the dress code for the Gala was “Sunday best.” Now, my Sunday best is a faded black Dollywood t-shirt and some Fruit of the Loom sweat shorts covered with chicharron crumbs, wine splatters and lube drops from snacking, boozing and watching porn on my couch. But I guess “Sunday best” to famous rich hos is a crown that weighs more than their head and all of the fabric found in the “Perfect For Granny’s Living Room Curtains” section at Hobby Lobby.
Back when Amal Clooney was just dating George Clooney, tongues wagged that Angelina Jolie was none too pleased there was another international do-gooder in the George and Brad Pitt pack. Well, years later, Angelina got the boot and is talking trees with THE QUEEN, and Amal is ushering us all into springtime fashion on the May cover of Vogue with an interview. All you need to know has she somehow mandated what her children’s first word was, and the reporter has never heard of a greenhouse. Continue reading