Ok, so call me crazy, but I’ve never viewed George Clooney as THE leading man in Hollywood. More, like, the sly dude in the corner with Rande Gerber (both wearing matching black button-downs with three undone and well-brushed chest hair in plain sight) raising glasses of tequila at the likes of Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck because they can buy and sell them all with that Casamigos coin.
Pilot Inspektor would like a word with you, George Clooney.
George is pushing that Suburbicon flick he directed alongside its star Matt Damon. They sat down with Entertainment Tonight, and George talked about the twins he had with his statuesque global superstar lawyer wife Amal Clooney in June. Clooney explained that they named the twins Alexander and Ella because Jermajesty and Phyllon Gor were already taken. No, it’s because he didn’t want his future put-upon celebrity children to have to deal with the burden of “dumb names.” Ode Mountain, you have every right to be offended after reading this.
I imagine that George Clooney has to put up with people asking stupid questions during a press tour. In exchange for plugging his own projects, he must in turn indulge the media and endure a barrage of questions like “Hey George, do you like toast?” or “Hey George, which shoe do you put on first?” or “Hey George, what does Brad smell like?”
George directed a movie called Suburbicon which comes out in October, so now he has to answer a whole lot of questions about his twins, wife Amal Clooney, and fatherhood. Tit for tat, Georgie boy! Will you deliver the titillating truth bombs or will it be numbingly boring platitudes and bullshit? Remember, your movie’s box office depends on this!
George and Amal Clooney’s twin babies, Ella and Alexander, are just shy of two months old. And until this morning, no one outside of George, Amal, family, friends, and their part-time nannies have seen what Ella and Alexander look like. I could imagine what they looked like: small unbreaded chicken nuggets, maybe. Then a French tabloid called Voici went ahead and solved the mystery by publishing the first blurry shots of the Clooney babies on the cover of their latest issue. George and Amal are extremely pissed about that.
George Clooney’s rep released a statement today saying that Amal Clooney birthed out their twins this morning. I know that the news came from the official rep of the horse’s mouth, but I still won’t believe it until a swarm of locusts crash through my window or until I hear it from the only Clooney baby news source I trust: The Chenbot!
The Daily Mail says that the Clooney twins were born in England and one is a dude and one is a girl. Satan is probably shitting icicles today and that’s because: 1. George Clooney is a literal daddy now. And 2. Two famous people gave their babies completely normal names.
2017’s second-most important set of celebrity twins will soon be upon us, which means it’s time for an update on how George Clooney and Amal Clooney are getting ready. George and Amal are famous people, which means their baby prep is a little fancier than cursing wildly while trying to assemble a Sniglar from IKEA and trying to remember where they put their damn DockATot.
However, just because George and Amal are rich people doesn’t mean they’re currently interviewing a team of nannies so that the paps don’t catch them looking like sleep-deprived zombies during their next photo-op. A source tells E! News that George and Amal won’t be hiring a live-in nanny or a full-time nanny. Instead, they’ll have a short-term night nurse who will help set a sleeping schedule. Amal’s mom Baria Alamuddin will most likely help out with the twins as well.
Amal, who is planning on giving birth in London, will go back to work after six months, but the source says she’ll work mostly from home.
George Clooney’s pre-babies life has been Italian vacations and chugging Casamigos tequila. Twin babies are going to be the most work he’s done in…ever, maybe? George and Amal might not hire a nanny for the babies, but I don’t think it will be long before Amal hires one for George. “George, you must be exhausted. Let’s get you out of those barf-stained clothes and into a hammock for a nap.”