The Hollywood Reporter says that Jagged Little Pill the musical (which totally sounds like a joke from The Critic) will have its world premiere at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge, MA in May 2018. It’s been in the works since 2013. It will feature songs from Jagged Little Pill as well as melodies lifted from Alanis’ other albums. The book was written by Diablo Cody, and it will be directed by Diane Paulus. THR says it will be a multi-generational family story that touches on “issues of gender identity and race,” and Alanis said this:
“This team that has come together for this Jagged Little Pill musical is my musical theater dream come true. The chemistry between all of us is crackling and I feel honored to be diving into these songs again, surrounded by all of this searing talent. Diablo and Diane are already taking these deeply personal songs that are part of my soul’s marrow to a whole other level of hope, freedom and complexity.”
They hope to take Jagged Little Pill to Broadway, but that sort of depends on how well it does in Cambridge first.
I’m really bummed the story won’t be based off the subject matter of Jagged Little Pill and all its scandalous Dave Coulier lore. And can you even really call it a Jagged Little Pill musical if Act 1 doesn’t end with all four Alanises from the Ironic video belting it out in the rain in front of a kick line of dancers dressed as flies, cigarettes, lottery tickets, and spoons?
Pic: Warner Music Group
Earlier this year, Alanis Morissette’s former business manager Jonathan Schwartz admitted to stealing millions of her hard earned dollars. Yes, hard earned; I don’t know if I would be brave enough to sell a song implying I blew Joey Gladstone in the back of an AMC.
Less than a month after it was reported that Alanis Morissette’s ex-manager had been stealing millions from her, another person has stolen from her. Damn, Alanis is starting to become one of the bad-luck examples she sings about in Ironic. Did an old carnival machine put a curse on her or something?
TMZ says that last Thursday, burglars broke into Alanis’ home in Brentwood, CA and went to town on her jewelry box. While Alanis wasn’t named by name, a police spokesperson confirmed today that a safe containing $2 million worth of jewelry was taken during the robbery. They also said that the bandits made off with other items or property, although it’s unclear what those other items are. No one was home at the time of the break-in.
As for how the burglars knew that Alanis’ house contained $2 million in jewelry, who even knows. Maybe they used specially-trained diamond-sniffing dogs or something. Or maybe they just follow Alanis on Instagram and thought “Those look nice, I think I’ll take all of them.”
About two weeks ago, Nicki Minaj’s house was broken into and $200,000 worth of jewelry and property was stolen.
The most surprising thing about this story is that Alanis Morissette had a $2 million jewelry collection. Alanis does not seem like the type. She seems more like the kind of person whose favorite piece of jewelry is a hand-carved wooden pendant of Gaia hanging from a string of hemp. I’m honestly shocked that the burglars didn’t pop open that safe and find a note that says “The greatest treasure is love.”
Jagged Little Pill came out when I was too young to get the mall by myself, so luckily someone bought me the tape for my birthday. (A tape which I immediately hid under my bed because there was a “fuck” in it and I thought I was going to get in trouble). The only other person at my school who had Jagged Little Pill was this girl who constantly bragged that she stole it from Zellers. That always made me sad, because why would you wanna rip off Alanis Morissette like that? Well ,Christine the 8th Grade Shoplifter wasn’t the only one to do Alanis dirty.
Alanis Morrissette took to Instagram to announce the June 23rd birth of baby Onyx Solace Morissette-Treadway and deemed herself #beyondblessed. It’s not quite as dreadful as “over the moon” but #blessed is getting there. People are getting good seats at the movies and feeling #beyondblessed about it. No.
As for that name. Alanis and her husband Souleye (tn Mario Treadway) already have a 6-year-old son named Ever Imre, so they probably own a vintage VW bus and drive across the country stopping in meadows a lot. I assume they live in a souped-up yert of some sort. Rich hippies. But I think they were aiming for “darkly beautiful jewel” and ended up with “Legs and Eggs-breakfast shift stripper” on this one. “Solace” fits the bill by sounding like a wispy anime character who lives in a tree and constantly has butterflies hovering about her lavender-hued hair. But “Onyx” evokes strenuous pole-dancing on a carpet of beer-soaked ones. In Florida.
Alanis Instagrammed the below pic prior to Onyx’s arrival. Bully for her. If I had a human growing inside me, I wouldn’t be doing shit besides eating everything around me that was edioble and declaring myself on bed rest for 9 months. I don’t know how you ladies do it. Swimming? Maybe if there was a buffet at the bottom of the pool.
That guy in the Kings jersey in the back doesn’t want an autograph, he wants a picture to bring to his barber. That’s the look of a man who knows glorious hockey hair when he sees it.
Alanis Morissette was strolling through LAX earlier today with her off-brand Val Kilmer-looking husband Mario “Souleye” Treadway and I’m sure she thought all eyes were on her shimmering waist-length Morticia Addams at Lilith Fair hair, but she couldn’t hold a candle to her son Ever Morissette-Treadway’s dazzling golden baby mullet. I’m sorry Alanis, you tried, but you can’t compete for attention. Instead, you should feel honoured that you had the privilege of standing so close to such extraordinary beauty.
Little Ever is only three years old, and already he looks like he knows his way around a Friday night tailgate party. I bet he can shotgun a juice box like nobody’s business. He probably poops his pants and keeps on partying. When he starts to get tired, he slams a grape Pedialyte. “Ever don’t need no nap! Ever’s gotta rage, brother! Crank up the fuckin’ Skynrd! WEEEEEW!”
I know there are some people out there who think giving a kid a mullet is a form of child abuse, and I sincerely hope they see this picture of Ever. Staring at Ever’s bouncy 24-karat curls and bowl-cut bangs would make even the most hard-core hair-hater renounce their evil, dark-sided beliefs. It would be impossible for them to deny that the party in the back of Ever’s business looks like the sun-kissed wings of an angel.
Here’s more of Ever Morissette-Treadway and his impeccable Vandals-approved hair being escorted through LAX by his two less-enchanting parents: