Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

October 19, 2018 / Posted by:

If Susan Powter starred in a no-budget community theater production of Hello Dolly! and all the costumes were made using castoffs from local child beauty pageant queens, it still wouldn’t look nearly as messy as the shit Katy Perry wore to an amfAR gala last night. Katy’s got so many feathers, rhinestones and taffeta on her that I’m sure a memaw browsed her after mistaking her for a bin at Michael’s – Lainey Gossip

Fuck this shit, I’m totally boycotting the Ritz-Carlton, and yes I’m boycotting it because of this homophobic racism, and not because I can’t afford a room there – Towleroad

A crazy mom of a mess went on a deranged rant about childless couples at Disneyland, specifically a cunt in some very slutty shorts who bought a Mickey pretzel that her son wanted. Good god girl get a grip, you could’ve asked me to give your kid my Mickey pretzel. No, I wouldn’t have given it to him, but I would’ve loved to laugh in his crying face before skipping off in my very slutty shorts – Pajiba

This is more entertaining than the trailer for the Queen biopic – SOW

Here she is, Miss Reynolds Wrap 2018Popoholic

Rest in peace, moon goddess Lois Aldrin who is now twirling through the universe – The Blast

Pic: Backgrid

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 12, 2018 / Posted by:

The teaser trailer for the live-action Aladdin movie, directed by Guy Ritchie, is out. What I’m getting from it is that on the way to the Cave of Wonders must be a full-service salon, which is why Aladdin’s (played by Mena Massoud) hair, skin, and eyebrow game is photo shoot ready fresh. I bet Genie popped out like, “Bitch, I’ll grant you three wishes as long as you give me the secrets to your flawless eyebrow situation.” – Pajiba

Marvel isn’t about to mess with the money-making formula that filled their pockets like movie theaters getting filled with panty pudding when Michael B. Jordan’s shirtless body popped up on the screen in Black PantherLainey Gossip 

If you’re gay and engaged,  but didn’t get engaged at a pop star’s concert, did you even get engaged at all? – Towleroad

My new favorite exercise is the cardio eyeroll I do every time Hilaria Baldwin talks about her post-birth body – Celebitchy

Coco Montrese needs to send NeNe Leakes a cease and desist for stealing her painted-up face – Reality Tea

Dua Lipa should go down to the free clinic and get those spots looked at – Hollywood Tuna

How many shows and movies about Ole’ Raw Hamburger Balls do we need? – Just Jared

Okay, but were these twinks even alive in 1999? Yes, I’m too lazy to Google – OMG Blog

Yes. – SOW

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Neri Oxman, the MIT professor who was rumored to be doing Brad Pitt, says they’re not dating. But she called him “timeless” and said he’s “the last of the Mohicans in post-Netflix Hollywood.” Err, girl knows he did a Netflix movie, right? And she also said she carried a book called The Golden Record in front of the paps to promote science, “The Golden Record beats the Caviar quilted flap bag on any given day. Toting the ultimate message to moon was my message in a bottle to the paparazzi. The Feynman Lectures followed.” No wonder Neri and Brad didn’t really work out. I know Brad likes to think he’s fluent in the language of PretentiousAsFuck, but his brain probably shut down and issued a “does not compute” error whenever Neri talked – Celebitchy

That Real Housewife of Potomoc husband, who was accused of groping a cameraman, isn’t going to face any charges – Reality Tea

A luxury boutique hotel in Santa Barbara or Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s house? – Towleroad

If you’ve ever accused Backdoor Farrah of never displaying loads of demure elegance, then you’ve never seen these pictures of her Tupperware titty dome coming out of her blazer – Drunken Stepfather

The only correct answer to this headline question is: every female performance in ShowgirlsPajiba

What in hipster Amish Diane Keaton HELL is Olivia Wilde wearing? – Popoholic

One of the Pretty Little Liars had a pretty little baby, who isn’t a liar, that I know of – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 5, 2018 / Posted by:

The new, really long trailer for Aquaman is out and it’s 5 minutes of bro jokes, Amber Heard in an off-brand Ariel wig from Halloween Town, a million tons of CGI, Nicole Kidman in a leftover The Twins wig from The Matrix, and zero, count ’em, zero shots of Jason Momoa’s bare nipples. That mess is an ocean movie and there’s no Momoa nip in the trailer? Refund! – Lainey Gossip

Jeff Lewis says that Bravo hasn’t renewed Flipping Out, but if it doesn’t get picked up again, he wants to do a show with Bethenny Frankel. If Jeff Lewis and Bethenny Frankel did a show together, they’d either eat each other alive, or the world’s population would be down (insert the number of people who’d actually watch that shit show) people because they’d all combust from the insufferableness of it all. Or both! – Reality Tea

Shawn Mendes may or may not be okay with James Charles slobbering over him in his Instagram comments, but he’s publicly saying he’s okay with it. Maybe because he really doesn’t want to feel the wrath of The Highlighters, or whatever the fuck James Charles’ fans call themselves – Towleroad

Tom Hiddleston was out walking with a “mystery brunette” and fuck she’s gorgeous and has such luscious hair. The Daily Mail is talking about the pooch, right? – Celebitchy

Want to bring some red carpet elegance to an event but are on a budget? Do what Christian Serratos did: Slap on a black bathing suit, take yourself down to a Jo-Ann and roll your body in some blue taffeta. Boom! Instant elegance on the cheap! – Popoholic

If you’re a sick bitch whose wet dream is to get off to Nanny from the new Muppet Babies talking porny, here you go – OMG Blog

Vintage M*A*S*H bulge – Kenneth In The (212)

Rita Ora could deliver a master class on how to cover up the bits while posing naked – Hollywood Tuna

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 28, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s been a week and so you deserve to lie down and soothe your nerves while gently resting your head onto Christopher Meloni’s pasty white nalgitas. Although, in these pictures of a chonies-less Christopher Meloni shooting scenes for his TV show Happy, his butt cheeks look a little stressed out. And yes, I see you hos offering to de-stress his ass by running it a Calgon bath and pouring it a glass of red wine  – Just Jared

As Shia LaBeouf and FKA Twigs bump arty fuck parts, their exes Mia Goth and Robert Pattinson posed at the San Sebastian Film Festival premiere of their new movie. And Mia Goth is giving me Robert Palmer girl if Robert Palmer performed on Saturn – Lainey Gossip

Excuse me while I make the same face at Jane Fonda that she made at Megyn KellyPajiba

Kim Richards is no longer on probation – Reality Tea

You can now listen to Robyn’s Honey without having to watch GirlsTowleroad

Tiffany Haddish could’ve been tusslin’ with New York and Hottie for Foofy Foofy’s love – SOW

Hard nipples: Bella Hadid’s got ’em – Drunken Stepfather

Hard nipples: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s got them too – Popoholic

Hard nipples: And so does Alexander Skarsgard! – IWish.org

Pic: Backgrid

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 21, 2018 / Posted by:

The British greasy hipster angels are still creaming themselves, because their perfect union of Robert Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse is still a thing. And if you’re like me and still can’t forget about True Blood (even the awful latter seasons), you probably thought to yourself, “SOOKEH? But I thought she was still with BEEEHL in real-life?!” – Lainey Gossip

If the murderous Carousel horse doesn’t get an Oscar nomination, then the Oscars aren’t good enough to exist – Pajiba

I haven’t seen Real Housewives of New Jersey for a while, but I watched a bit of the trailer for the new season and saw broken glass and Teresa Giudice’s hairline temporarily jump back an inch or two from her screaming. So yeah, everything’s the same since I left it – Reality Tea

Cher stuck the disco tip a little bit further by releasing yet another song from her ABBA covers album that still hasn’t come out – Towleroad

Courtney Stodden risked slipping and busting her implant all in the name of an elegant portrait – Drunken Stepfather

Kristen Chenoweth should ditch her peroxide mane and bring back that glorious brown helmet from her high school days – SOW

Katie Holmes looks like she’s going to a 1920s murder mystery party – Celebitchy

Speaking of, FoxHol appeared together in grainy ass pictures that were probably taken with a moldy potato. And you know you’re hard-up like me when you’re straining your eye muscles to get a glimpse of a peen print on a blurry Jamie Foxx pic – Just Jared

Someone CITIZEN’S ARREST this reckless driver! – Hollywood Tuna 

Ugh, unlike HER, I said no pictures, please!” that dog, who is easily stealing the shot – Popoholic

Pic: Wenn.com

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