Last week, stripper elegance hall of famer Rose McGowan threw some not-so-subtle shank eye at Hollywood and an unnamed A-list comedian when she Tweeted a picture of a casting note she was sent. No, it wasn’t a note from some smartass casting director who thought she’d be perfect for an upcoming Michael Jackson biopic. It was this one, asking her to dress like a slutty ninja for an audition with Adam Sandler. Oops, sorry – I mean some random actor whose name rhymes with “Madam Panhandler“.
casting note that came w/script I got today. For real. name of male star rhymes with Madam Panhandler hahahaha I die pic.twitter.com/lCWGTV537t
— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) June 18, 2015
That’s sort of rich coming from the guy who showed up to the photocall for Hotel Transylvania 2 looking like the person version of taking an afternoon nap on the couch. Understand the context, dude – it’s a photocall, not a trip to 7-Eleven to pick up two taquitos and a Bud Light Mixxtail. Sidenote: you know you’re underdressed when Paul Blart Mall Cop put more effort into his outfit than you did.
Obviously, that casting note is gross-adjacent (“Push up bras encouraged” – like, just cut the bullshit and say “Show up with your tits out thanks“), but is Rose McGowan really that surprised? I mean, she knew it was a movie starring Adam Sandler, right? That’s pretty much one of the last names you’d associate with good taste. Not to mention that we don’t know if that casting note was sent to everyone, including David Spade and Rob Schneider. Until I see a picture of Rob Schneider in a pair of leggings and a push-up bra, I choose to reserve all judgement.
The Ghost of Iggy Azalea Future Vanilla Ice, seen above dressed as Mark Twain’s AXE-spritzing Monster-chugging pimped-out stage coach-driving dirtbag brother Gary ‘Greazy G’ Twain (at least that’s I’m assuming) in Adam Sandler’s upcoming film The Ridiculous 6, wants you to know that it’s not nearly as offensive to Native Americans as those Native American actors who walked off set last week claim it is.
Vanilla Ice defended The Ridiculous 6 to TMZ yesterday, saying that it’s “a comedy” and that it’s not “Dancing with Wolves.” I don’t know what “Dancing with Wolves” is, but it sounds like a Seltzer-Friedberg parody of Dances with Wolves starring Taylor Lautner and the cast of Dancing With The Stars, so I’m in. Vanilla says he wasn’t on set the day the Native American actors quit, but if he wants to see what it looked like, there’s now a video of the R6 producers telling the actors to leave if they’re offended by the script.
He then went on to say they’re just making a funny movie before adding that he’s “part Choctaw” and he sees both sides of the issue. Today I learned: Vanilla Ice is totally that girl you know who dresses up as a slutty Indian every Halloween because she’s 1/98th “Chickasaw…Chik-fil-a…chickasomething“, so it’s totally cool.
Vanilla Ice was the wrong person to ask about this shit, because that picture above is probably the most offensive thing I’ve seen about The Ridiculous 6. How dare a dude in lazy Mark Twain drag throwing white guy gang signs take up valuable space from true A-list talent like David Spade and Rob Schneider. Until you make a movie as good as Joe Dirt or The Hot Chick, aka two of the greatest films ever made, your ass stands in the back row. Second-from-the-left is a spot you earn, Vanilla!
I know that saying an Adam Sandler movie is “too tasteless” is like saying Taco Bell chalupas are “too delicious“, or Patrick Swayze in Road House is “too sexy” (aka totally redundant), but it might actually be too too tasteless. Indian Country Today (via E!) says that several Native American actors working on Adam Sandler’s upcoming western comedy The Ridiculous 6 found the movie to be offensive to the Native community, so they walked off set on Wednesday. The movie, which was supposed to be released during Spring Break of 2014 and now will be released sometime in the future on Netflix, is about an orphan (Adam Sandler) who grew up among an Indian tribe, and you’d think watching Sandler do his hoobiddy-doo face in Party City Tonto drag would be the most cringe-worthy part of filming, but according to actor Loren Anthony, it’s not.
I can’t decide if John Stamos’ belly button looks like a mushroom-headed dick poking out of his stomach or a skin-colored clown nose or the button nose of a bearded old man with no eyes? Well, whatever it looks like, I’d still lube it up with Dannon Oikos yogurt and hit it.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, he presented the 8th edition of the segment where famous types read mean tweets written by either Jimmy Kimmel’s writing team or actual Twatterers. This one gave us Lela Durham (copyright: Valerie Cherish) and her dog tits, John Stamos’ bubble belly button, Lisa Kudrow (who gets an A+++ in reacting), crack head Jon Hamm, raper-faced Scott Foley, Bob Newhart, Ted Danson and his majestic silver cliff of hair and Brit Brit who wore a turkey oven bag and looked like she laughed to keep from melting into a puddle of tears and Frapps. Most of these are good, but out of the billions of mean tweets about Goopy Paltrow, that’s the one they chose?!
Big Bird should’ve read that first one, because nothing is meaner than being compared to Goopy.
Seen above doing an almost spot-on impersonation of me “I CAN’T-ing” at all of the pieces of dumb trash on I Wanna Marry Harry last night (Note: It would’ve been a “totally” spot-on impersonation if that baby’s mouth was covered with dried Nutella and a long-haired black chihuahua was sitting on her chest), Frankie Barrymore Kopelman was pulled out of her mom’s body just a month ago and she’s already got her first magazine cover. You know how Linda Evangelista said a million years ago that she doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day? Well, I’m sure Frankie got way more than $10,000 for this cover and she didn’t even have to wake up to pose for it. Take that, Linda!
Since Drew is an old-fashioned kind of celebrity, she’s not going to post a picture of her six-second-old new baby friend on Instagram for free. That would be crazy. What’s the point of being a celebrity with baby making parts that can double as an ATM if you’re not going to give a magazine pictures of your baby for a check? So Drew got that money in exchange for pictures of her family and an interview which included these words about how Drew wants to give her girls stability and no access to drugs (read: things she didn’t have as a kid).
Barrymore, 39, says her own tumultuous childhood influenced what she sees as most important for her kids.
She wanted Olive “to have a sibling, because I really would have liked that in my life,” she says. “And always being on time, being there when I say I’m going to be there. Creating a real stable home. I know when my daughter wants to swing higher and jump into the pool and all of these things, she feels safe. To make your kids feel safe is everything.”
Dear Lindsay Lohan, use that pen you stole and those rolling papers to take note! This could be you (but probably not).
Here’s Drew wearing a giant nun’s habit as a dress at the German premiere of URLAUBSREIF (that’s German for “Razzie Magnet”) with Adam Sandler in Berlin yesterday. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Baby Frankie is giving her official review of her mom’s new movie in that picture above.
I once knew this girl who’s boyfriend proposed to her in a pair of old, loose off-white briefs after waking up from a nap. She said that even though she totally loved him and wanted to get married, it was hard accepting an engagement ring from a dude who looked like Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense. At the time I didn’t understand how gross that was (“It’s not like he proposed from the toilet while taking a dump, right?”) but now, thanks to seeing Adam Sandler profess his love to Drew Barrymore in a pair of old track pants, I do.
On Wednesday night, Adam Sandler reunited with his movie wife Drew Barrymore on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and sang a cute song about how they come together every 10 years to film a movie where they fall in love. Save for the pants (which I’ll get to later) this song gets 0% shade from me. Yes, Adam sucks at singing. Yes, Drew looks like she’s got a bad case of pregnancy farts and would rather be at home dipping a dill pickle into a tub of Americone Dream. Yes, Jimmy’s guitar playing is giving me flashbacks to Christian teen talent shows. But I will go to my grave hugging a VHS copy of The Wedding Singer, so yeah – I loved it.
Except for Adam’s pants. Call me Judy Prudy, but there’s something so unsettling about seeing a grown man wear loose pants in public, regardless of their varietal (sweat, track, pyjama, drawstring linen). It’s not right. I shouldn’t be subjected to the outline of your limp, lifeless dangle slithering around under the draped folds of a cotton-poly blend when you walk through the mall. I’m sure Adam Sandler was aware he was going on a talk show, so unless Jimmy Fallon sent a group of balaclava-wearing thugs to kidnap Adam from his home while he was cleaning the garage, and the kidnappers forgot to ask his wife for a pair of pants, there’s no reason for him to be wearing those elastic-waist abominations.