Selena Gomez Needs To Keep This Bootleg Farrah Fawcett Wig Because She Has Never Looked As Glamorous
It’s as if Jessica Alba and Theodore Seville made a baby with stage 2 Kylie Jenner lips who went on to become the forest’s #1 Farrah Fawcett impersonator and that is the greatest compliment you can give anyone.
Selena Gomez released the video for the song that I actually like, Bad Liar (we all know I have shit taste), and it’s a riveting elementary school production of an unauthorized Wonder Years episode with plot twists, bad wigs and the greatest performance from a child since North West acted like she knew who Kanye West was on an episode of Keeping Up the Kartrashians. Selena proves that she’s Nick Jr.’s answer to Meryl Streep, because she can play any role. A fetus-aged Winnie Cooper? Selena can do it! A sleazy principal in a pornstache (who looks more like a 4-year-old boy in costume as a lazy Ned Flanders)? Selena can do it! A gym teacher in an off-brand Laurie Forman from That ’70s Show wig? Selena can do it! A scorned mom in plastic tarantula eyelashes? Selena can do it! Selena can do it all!
Johnny Depp is still battling his former management company, The Management Group, over millions of his missing dollars. Johnny is suing TMG for mismanaging his money, TMG counter-sued Johnny and accused him of blowing through his money like a rich idiot. Johnny slapped back at TMG by telling The Wall Street Journal he can spend his money on as much stupid shit as he wants. TMG recently added to the list of stupid things Johnny spends money on, as well as an armchair diagnosis of why he spends like he does. Is it Acute Millionaireitus? Someone get psychology expert Dr. Phil on the line.
Charlie Hunnam admitted a few months ago that while he was filming The Lost City of Z in Colombia, he went method by ignoring his girlfriend Morgana McNelis. At the same time Charlie was pulling his method acting antics on Morgana, his co-star Robert Pattinson might have been running the same game on him.
During an interview with Screen Daily, Charlie admitted that before they started filming The Lost City of Z, he had a few rehearsals with Sienna Miller, but none with Robert because he wanted their relationship to evolve naturally on screen. Charlie says that he doesn’t think he said more than ten words to Robert off-camera.
“I didn’t know if he was just ‘in that zone’ or if he genuinely didn’t like me. There was a real distance between us. But it creates the right dynamic on screen.”
But don’t worry, they’re sort-of friends now.
“He’s reached out to me subsequently, making overtures for us to be friends now, so I think it was about the work.”
Since asking someone if they’re method acting seems to be just too difficult, maybe actors should be required to have some kind of signal to let everyone else on set know that they’re decided to go method. Just so that no one is awkwardly standing around, scratching their heads and wondering what they did to piss so-and-so off. They could wear little vests like service dogs that say: “PLEASE DON’T BE OFFENDED – I’m not being a dick, I’m just method acting.”
Here’s Charlie looking like he’s auditioning for the role of ‘Cocky College RA from 2003′ at CinemaCon in Las Vegas yesterday.
Nearly every week some severely uneducated child e-mails me to ask what exactly does Phoebe Price do. I always tell them that they obviously haven’t taken an AP U.S. history course and should do so immediately, because that course covers everything that highly important American Chicken Cutlets has done. PP is an international supermodel, a chickentarian, a visual definition of hormone-free beauty, Dlisted’s forever reigning Hot Babe of the Year, a global (see: the Valley, and probably the Valley only) hat designer and more importantly an actress!
PP earned an Oscar for Best Extra (in my head) when she stole the show as window shopper #2 in the Get Smart remake, and now she’s back to show the thespians of the planet how to truly command a scene. In the web series Hollyweird!, the most underrated actress of this generation, Phoebe Price, plays the most underrated human of this generation, Phoebe Price, alongside Moira Cue. Some acting types say that it’s all in the eyes, but they’re wrong. It’s obviously all in the cheeks!
Truthfully, I could only watch about 45 seconds of that, and only because I could no longer hold onto my chair as PP’s high-powered acting knocked me over! And here’s some pictures from last February I never posted of PP, Frenchy from Rock of Love 2 and The Porn Iguana’s seance partner acting out an ultra dramatic reboot of the Life Alert’s “Ah’ve Fallen And Ah Can’t Get Up” commercial on the stage of the Ho Stroll Theater.
Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Give The Performances Of Their Careers In This Hostage, I Mean, Apology Video
Thank you to Australia for starting this Monday off right with a heaping serving of extra greasy schadenfreude topped with a dollop of chunky cringe. Amber Heard and dirty clump of drain hair Johnny Depp were in a Gold Coast courtroom this morning for the case of the century! Amber was charged with two accounts of illegally importing pooches after she and Johnny Depp shat on Australia’s quarantine laws by smuggling their Yorkies Boo and Pistol into the country on a private jet. Australia law states that dogs coming in from foreign countries must be put into quarantine for at least 10 days. Boo and Pistol are registered in Amber’s name, so she’s the trick who went down and was hit with charges.
Amber said last year that she planned to spit out a not guilty plea in court, but I guess she didn’t want to risk getting thrown into an Australian prison cell and miss out on serving up her try hard pose game at events. Because CNN says that she pleaded guilty to falsifying quarantine documents. The Yorkie smuggling charges were dropped. The court gave Amber an extra, extra light swat on the wrist by sentencing her to a one-month good behavior bond. If she breaks the bond, she’ll have to pay a fine of 1,000 Australian dollars.
Amber’s lawyers told the court that she had the tireds when she filled out the immigration forms after arriving in Australia and she thought her assistant was the one handling Boo and Pistol’s travel stuff. The best part of all of this was the apology video that Johnny and Amber were forced to make. It’s like watching two spoiled ass brats apologizing to the kid they bullied as their moms watch. Watching the embalmed dried prune that is Johnny Depp trying to give one fuck while talking about Australia’s biosecurity laws just made my entire week. To achieve that concerned in the face look, Johnny’s acting coach probably told him to slowly push out a fart while shooting this public display of awkward. It looks like he’s being forced to watch Mortdecai. Not since Cry-Baby has Johnny Depp given such a multi-layered performance!
And I bet that somewhere off camera, Barnaby Joyce (Australia’s agriculture minister who was called a “fame whore” by Amber and got threatened with an ass kicking by Johnny) was holding a gun to Johnny’s favorite scarf while saying, “With feeling, bitch! With feeling! Or the scarf gets it!”
Warner Brothers has spent way too much money on Suicide Squad to not hit us over the head repeatedly until we can easily be wheeled into the theater to fork over our cash, concious or not. Their biggest selling point thus far has been Jared Leto and just how psycho/crazy/method/HotTopic he got to play The Joker. The other day, Michael brought us a lovely and touching story about Jared’s latest anecdote describing what he did to his castmates. He sent them anal beads and used condoms. Lovely. Just lovely. Add that to the live rat he sent Margot Robbie and the dead pig he sent to a table read. Not only is he gunning for that box office money on behalf of his studio masters, he is smashing down on that concierge bell and shouting “Excuse me! I need an Oscar! ANOTHER one!”