Kim Kardashian thought it would be an awesome Halloween idea to dress up different “icons“, including Aaliyah, and it turns out it wasn’t. When she tried to defend her choice of dressing as a black celebrity, she pissed off even more people, who don’t realize that this was absolutely planned to fulfill her part of the contract to piss as many people off for maximum attention. Continue reading
I say “newest”, because if Lifetime has taught me anything (besides always asking permission before you sleep with danger) it’s that they’re constantly searching for new ways to beat their own personal best in shitty decisions. The Hollywood Reporter says that Lifetime announced today that they’ve found an actress “black enough” to play Aaliyah in their upcoming made-for-TV disaster Aaliyah: Princess of R&B. 23-year-old Nickelodeon star Alexandra Shipp will fill the baggy Tommy jeans left by 17-year-old Disney star Zendaya, who dropped out when she realized what a career-killing shit show she’d signed up for.
And what a glorious messy shit show it will be! Wendy Williams (who sort of looks like Roger from American Dad! when he dresses up as a woman) has confirmed on Twitter that she’s signed on as executive producer. Not an assistant producer, but THE producer. That means someone has trusted Wendy Williams with calling all the shots. So for all of you who looked at Alexandra and thought “This might not be such a mess after all”, it looks like you were very wrong.
Now that Wendy Williams is taking over as captain of this televised Titanic, I’m sure her first order of business will be to fire Alexandra Shipp and re-cast the role of Aaliyah. And maybe it just so happens that Wendy forgets to tell people where and when she’s holding auditions, and the only person who shows up is a young up-and-coming actress by the name of “Mendy Milliams”. Even though Mendy is obviously just Wendy in a black wig and a crop-top, and the fact that the internet would no doubt take one look at her and declare that she’s not “human enough”, Lifetime will still hire her, because they’re all about that stunt casting. Hell, I’d watch it. Then again, who wouldn’t want to watch a 50-year-old bedraggled muppet slurring the words to a karaoke version of “More Than a Woman.”
Twitter exploded into a thousand “What’s next? Miley Cyrus playing Adina Howard in a Lifetime biopic?” jokes when two weeks ago Lifetime announced that 17-year-old Disney star Zendaya was going to play Aaliyah in a Lifetime biopic called Aaliyah: Princess of R&B. Some of Aaliyah’s fans farted out some shit about how Zendaya isn’t “black enough” and her dad said that she’d “black it up” for the role by getting a tan. On top of all that shit, Aaliyah’s family was pissed that Lifetime never asked them for permission and they think that Aaliyah’s story shouldn’t be told in some dried turd of a basic cable movie. Before filming even started, Lifetime’s Aaliyah movie was turning into a major shitty mess and now it’s a major shitty mess that doesn’t star Zendaya, because she dropped out.
Zendaya’s spokeswhore tells the NYDN that she’s no longer involved and her rep didn’t exactly say why. But E! News says that Zendaya might’ve dropped out because the producers are having trouble getting the rights to Aaliyah’s music. Aaliyah’s family would never let Lifetime use Aaliyah’s voice, so the plan was for Zendaya to sing all the songs herself, but that can’t happen if they don’t have the rights. Some source spit this out:
“Aaliyah has always been an inspiration to Zendaya. She was honored to portray her and pay tribute to her. If she is going to do it, she wants to do it right.”
Lifetime is putting that mess of a biopic on hold until they get their shit together (SPOILER ALERT: It’ll never happen, because they’ll never get their shit together). My thoughts are with the pus-filled oozing urethra pimple that Lifetime hired to play R. Kelly. It’s going to be devastated to learn that it won’t be making its basic cable debut anytime soon.
Yes, Zendaya dodged a shit bullet, but she should’ve never been cast in the first place. She looks too young to play Aaliyah. If Lifetime was making a biopic about the life of the baby laughing in Aaliyah’s song “Are You Somebody?”, then Zendaya would’ve nailed it since she looks like she came out of her mother’s vagine about 5 minutes ago.
And every time I read a headline about Zendaya starring in the Aaliyah biopic for Lifetime, I read her name as “Sanjaya” and for a brief second my nipples got moist thinking about Sanjaya dancing in a crop top and capris on top of a boat.
Here’s Zendaya at the Pre-BET Awards dinner in L.A. last night.