Whenever I think of the American boy next door who splits his time working part-time at the last operating Blockbuster and getting high in the loading docks behind the local Target, it’s usually Chris Messina’s face that works with that kinda bro. Chris stepped out on the Golden Globes red carpet with a new platinum blonde lewk. Admittedly, I looked at him and thought, “Who?” Alas, Twitter looked at him and blew off at both ends.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
At the Golden Globes last night, the 007 pot was stirred. No, that doesn’t mean Pussygalore was there. Current James Bond, Daniel Craig, was there supporting his nominated wife, Rachel Weisz. Source of many a-nethers tingle and potential future James Bond and Pussygalore of a different variety, Idris Elba, was also there, and he used his Instagram to make people remember he could be coming for Danny Boy’s job!
Last night’s Golden Globes turned out to be nothing more than a graveyard of all the drama that never was. Hosts Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg were over-the-top nice (blurg), nobody wanted to drag Bryan Singer in front of millions (boo), and the one bit of real red carpet drama, Chrissy Metz allegedly calling Alison Brie a bitch, turned out to be nothing more than a silly misunderstanding (hiss). According to TMZ, Chrissy’s not the soapy drama queen we hoped she was. During a Golden Globes pre-show interview on Facebook, Chrissy could be heard saying what many thought was “she’s such a bitch” under her breath on a hot mic after being alerted to Alison’s arrival on the red carpet. But TMZ says Chrissy actually said “babe” not “bitch”. What’s more, she said she considers Alison a friend and that anybody who knows her, knows she would never say something like that.
After Bohemian Rhapsody’s big win for Best Drama at the Golden Globes last night, I braced myself when the squad got up there to accept the award because the specter of its erstwhile director, accused rapist Bryan Singer, hung heavy in the air even though he was conspicuously absent. It looked like things might get a little awkward up there on stage. Also, Brian May’s poodle doo fills me with existential dread. And I was right to be nervous. Judging from last night’s broadcast, you’d think BR directed itself because Bryan’s name was not mentioned once. That didn’t stop Bryan from finding a way to take the credit for the film’s win. Over the past few months, he’s filled his Instagram with behind the scenes footage and outtakes from the set. And last night, he really outdid himself with a self-congratulatory post about BR’s win.
During the Golden Globes last night, host Sandra Oh made a joke about Crazy Rich Asians, saying that it was the “first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha.” Now, as you remember Ghost In The Shell and Aloha both cast white chicks as Asian characters. Everyone laughed and laughed, and one person who was laughing out of discomfort and shame, decided she would clear the air live: the quarter-Chinese, quarter-Hawaiian character herself, Emma Stone.