Gal Gadot Will Be Playing Cleopatra, So Naturally, Opinions Have Been Expressed
Deadline reports that Paramount Pictures has won the right to mount a probably cursed production of Cleopatra starring Gal Gadot with Wonder Woman’s Patty Jenkins directing. Patty and Gal will also be producers on the movie. Deadline says of Gal that “the film was her idea” which is crazy because I’m pretty sure it’s been done before. And of course, since Gal isn’t the actual mummified corpse of Cleopatra, people have expressed strong opinions online about her suitability for the role. Nevertheless, it turns out that the whole time Gal was singing Imagine, she wasn’t imagining a world free from disease and strife, she was imagining being The Queen of a world full of disease and strife. Side note: That Imagine video was posted on March 19th, DAY 6 of lockdown in California. It is now day 209. Carry on if you are able.
Denis Villenevue In Talks To Direct Beleaguered Cleopatra Movie
Mean girls Scott Rudin and Amy Pascal are not ready to give up on making Cleopatra happen. After the 2014 Sony hack revealed how they really felt about proposed star Angelina Jolie, things looked like they were heading in the direction of a gargantuan celluloid disaster the likes of which had not been seen since, well, since Cleopatra. But now, The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Blade Runner 2049 director Denis Villeneuve is in talks to take on the probably cursed project.
Angelina Jolie Says She Doesn’t Like Being Single, Wants To Lighten Up
Angelina Jolie wants so badly to be likeable, carefree and fun. Too bad being Angelina Jolie makes all that nearly impossible. While promoting her latest Debbie Downer of a film First They Killed My Father, Angie has been reluctantly giving interviews. As we know, long gone is the fun and flirty Angie who once famously made out with her brother on the red carpet and carried a vial of her (second ex) husband’s blood around her neck. Today’s Angie can’t even buy her kids a hot dog without being followed around by a sad trombone.
Brangelina May Have Tried To Skimp On Renovation Payments
The ghost of Marie Antoinette is loitering around Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s 40-room French chateau these days cackling, “Let them eat cake in the dark!” The Guardian (via Vanity Fair) reports there has been an ongoing home renovation dispute at Château Miraval…maybe Angelina has decided to embark on an HGTV career, since it doesn’t look like that Cleopatra movie is ever getting made?? Continue reading
Sony Should Just Make A Movie About The Making Of Future Train Wreck “Cleopatra”
Around the same time that Twitter turned into an ocean of #THETERRORISTHAVEWON hashtags after Sony killed and cremated The Interview, Defamer posted leaked emails between St. Angie Jolie, Amy Pascal and Hollywood’s greatest super villain Scott Rudin about the inevitable turd that is the Cleopatra movie. Up in Heaven, Elizabeth Taylor is looking down at those simpletons while thinking to herself, “Nobody ruined Cleopatra the way that I ruined Cleopatra, but nice try, bitches.”
The e-mails that Defamer threw up yesterday are follow-ups to the legendary, cuntastic, hacked e-mails where Scott Rudin called Angie a “minimally talented spoiled brat” and told Amy Pascal that Cleopatra was going to be an epic flop that would make them the laughing stock of Hollywood. Little did Scott know that the e-mail he was writing would become laugh fuel. In the new e-mails from February 2014 and beyond, the three of them fuss over the choice of director, the script, the look, the wigs and at one point they discuss filming Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra instead. I wish they would’ve gone with that last idea, because Angie doing Shakespeare would be a Razzie-worthy extravaganza that would bring tears of happiness to my eyes.
Dame St. Angie Jolie May Or May Not Retire From Acting
Dame. St Angie Jolie has already directed 3 movies and she’ll soon start production on her 4th directorial project Africa. St. Angie is a serious director now! So since she’s a serious director, she’s joined the club of actors who are bored of doing acting shit and want to be full-time serious directors. While talking to DuJour Magazine about that Unbroken movie, St. Angie says that she’s definitely done with acting once she finishes up a few acting projects including Cleopatra (Side note: Can she retire before then, because the world doesn’t need her as Cleopatra).
“I’ve never been comfortable as an actor; I’ve never loved being in front of the camera,” Jolie says. “I didn’t ever think I could direct, but I hope I’m able to have a career at it because I’m much happier.”
Is the plan to give up acting entirely?
She smiles. “Absolutely.”
I know, this is some wall slide-inducing sad news for the zero of you who have been aching for a sequel to The Tourist.
But St. Angie tells Entertainment Weekly that she’ll retire from acting one day, but it’s not happening anytime soon.
“I see myself moving into directing more and doing much less as an actor. I have a few more in me, ones I have been developing for some time, so I will do those before I step away.”
How many times has she hinted at retiring? The first time she did it, the world continued to spin and surprisingly, Hollywood executives didn’t burn down their studios before setting themselves on fire, because what’s the point of going on when the greatest movie actress of every generation is done with acting in movies? So she hinted at it again. The world didn’t stop and the Hollywood sign didn’t crumble and slide down the hill. It didn’t happen this time either. If St. Angie really retired from acting to devote all of her time to directing, we’d know it. The world would stop and every Hollywood director would QUIT THAT BITCH, because there’s no way they could compete with the brilliance of St. Angie! So, she’s not retiring from acting and she’s definitely not retiring from saying she’s retiring from acting.
Here’s the not retired actress at the Paley Center in NYC today.
Pics: Splash