I just want to take Sienna Miller’s labia lips in my two hands, shake them and then scream “Wake up, you stupid bitches! Wake the fuck up!” Why in dickmatized hell is this slut still eating on Balthazar Getty’s dick cheese?! She is really beginning to piss me off. Earlier this month, Sienna said her party vagina was back on the scene ready to claim more victims and here she is out with Balthazar in London last night. The Sun says that bitches have also seen them holding hands and acting couple-like in London.

This bitch is a disgrace to all shameless whores! She needs to rinse her coochie and mouth out with a mixture of Listerine, holy water and vinegar, so she can get rid of Balthazar’s musty peen scent and move on! Any respectable slut would not keep the same dick around this long. Especially married dick. Please, Sienna, let me help you. I’ll take you to a dick buffet, so that you can see all the good peen you’ve been missing out on.

Once again Tommy Girl broke a promise to Suri and dragged her out on her day off. Look at her! She’s spent. She wanted to spend her Thanksgiving sipping barleytinis, watching “The Bad Girls” marathon, playing Canasta with the maids and planning her Spring wardrobe. She did not want to be out in NYC with Little Gay Crazy and his microwaved celery stalk of a wife. But of course since it was Thanksgiving, Tommy Girl had to make sure to get his “We’re a Perfect American Family” photo-op.

Suri wasn’t the only one who had to suffer through this fakery. Tommy dragged his “other” children, Isabella and Connor, out yesterday too. They both look like they would rather be playing racquetball against their mother’s forehead than pretending to be a happy family with Tommy. And if that wasn’t enough, the Becks family came along for the publicity tour.

They all went to the Big Apple Circus and followed it with a carriage ride through Central Park. You know, just two extremely private families doing extremely private things in the most private city in the world.

I seriously screamed “It’s fucking Jacinda” when I saw these pap pictures of her ass walking around with her family in Los Angeles yesterday. I had a major crush on her ass when she was on “The Real World: London.” Okay, I shouldn’t really call it a crush. I wanted to be her. I even put on my mom’s gypsy skirts and pranced around like I was fucking Jacinda. “The Real World: London” was a bore fest, but Jacinda was hot. Too bad Legend isn’t in these pictures. That would make my life.

And if you don’t feel all sparkly in the loins over Jacinda like I do, I’ve thrown in some pictures of Gwen, Zuma Nesta, Kingston and Gavin at the park yesterday. What the fuck are these people wearing on their bodies?! It’s like the Salvation Army “1 pound for $1” bin exploded all over them.

England’s most precious rose and the newest member of the Fauxmosexual Club was terrorizing the streets of London the other night with her skunky girlfriend Nina. Jodie stopped to infect a wee little orange man on the street. Actually, maybe Jodie didn’t run into him on the street. Maybe he fell out of her cooze. He does have a look on his face like he’s just seen death.

And Jodie was wearing pants earlier in the night, but like all things that get too close to her war zone snatch, they quit that bitch. Even the crabs don’t come around much anymore!

Which celebrity is acting like a real turkey this Thanksgiving? He and his wife, who are both actors, have been sparring lately over a variety of issues, the most serious being his getting a little too friendly with a co-star. The wife had hoped that a traditional Thanksgiving gathering would reawaken those feelings of love for her and their family. She prepared a huge Thanksgiving dinner, and will be hosting more than two dozen relatives, most of them his. However, at the last minute he has told her that he can’t get away from a project he is working on. It’s not true though. He is actually with a friend in Las Vegas. (Blind Gossip)

Foghorn Leghorn? Wait, he’s a chicken creature, right? Okay, my guess is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.

Which singer linked to a string of gorgeous ladies has fallen in love with another man and is about to come out as bisexual? (3am Girls)

This blind item is out of Britain, so I’m going to assume it’s a boybander. Or maybe Robbie Williams. Pleeeease let it be Robbie Williams!

When a film comes out, the stars usually share the promotional duties. In the case of this film, however, Star 1 has been making the rounds of talk shows, while Star 2 has been conspicuously absent. While Star 2 is claiming that his absence is due to other work obligations, the truth is that the friction between the two was so bad on the set that Star 2 has completely washed his hands of anything to do with the film. Star 1 remains publicly upbeat and supportive of Star 2, but has privately told friends that Star 2 is “the biggest asshole on the planet,” and that the two will never, ever work together again. (Blind Gossip)

Easy! Reese Witherspoon & Vince Vaugh.

Which popular R&B singer is seriously considering coming out as a gay man on an upcoming TV show? It seems that the show’s producer and the singer’s ire over the whole Proposition 8 debacle have inspired him to come out of the closet in a very public way.We’ll see if he has the nerve to actually go through with it. (Blind Gossip)

Skat Kat? Or Ne-Yo?

Which celebrity couple has relinquished control of the family to their offspring? This goes beyond spoiling. They let the child/children make all their own decisions about education, food, clothing, travel, and activities. Before you know it, the kid/kids will be picking the parents’ projects and handling the money. The parents seem to think that the decision-making will result in more self-assured adult/s. However, right now it’s just the tail wagging the dog. Other family members are concerned that some of these decisions may be endangering the health and safety of all involved. (Blind Gossip)

Duh. Maddox is the HBIC!

Our little Cheetoling performed at the Bambi Awards in Germany yesterday wearing some shit she snatched from Vadge’s dirty laundry (smells like nutsack blood). You know, I’m just not sure if Brit Brit’s beef jerky area has what it takes to pull this shit off. It’s no match for Vadge’s roided-up crotch of destruction. Look at Vadge’s nut breaker area, it’s flexing like it’s in the Mr. Universe competition. I’m gonna have to give this one to Vadge. Mostly, because if I don’t, her iron vag will crush me into a million pieces.

Below is Brit Brit’s performance of “Woomanizah” and she didn’t fuck up! I mean, she memorized all the dance steps and I think she even mouthed every single word correctly! I’m so proud of her. And if you notice, she really tried to make her Lexapro eyes twinkle a little brighter. She did real fine! Daddy Spears better give her an extra bag of Cheetos and throw her a Frapp social as a reward!