Mimi has denied she’s carrying a little rainbow unicornie baby in her womb, but she might purposely get knocked up just so she can give birth at the Hello Kitty Maternity Hospital in Taiwan.

The hospital was built in 2006 by Tsai Tsung-chi who spent more than $3.2 million in construction and decorations. He created the hospital hoping to create a pleasant environment for chicks who are afraid of popping out a baby. Tsai said, “I wish everyone who comes here – mothers suffer while giving birth, and children suffer with their sickness – to receive medical care while seeing this Kitty, it brings a smile to their faces, helps them forget about discomfort and recover faster.”

The hospital is covered in everything Hello Kitty from statues to bed sheets to furniture to the wallpapers. A life-sized Hello Kitty comes to visit mothers and babies twice a year.

This place is for mothers who just want to pop out a baby in record time. They are forced to speed up labor, so that they can collect their new baby and bounce out of that creepy joint as soon as possible! There’s no such thing as a fucking 8-hour labor at the Hello Kitty hospital.

If I was a woman giving birth and a giant Hello Kitty peered into my doorway, I would reach into my vagina, pull out the baby, grab my coat and run the fuck out of that place. HELL NO, KITTY!

And I change my comment about Mimi. She’s not only going to give birth there, she’s going to buy the whole place and live there permanently!

Source: ITN

Thanks Stacy

Well, the party isn’t completely over. I’m sure he’ll have a few “Drop the Soap“ parties in the chokey during the next 6 years or so. A judge has sentenced him to at least 15 years for robbing a ho with a gun in Las Vegas. He will most likely serve at least 9 years.

Before being sentenced, O.J. cried crocodile tears and told the court, “I just wanted my personal things. I was stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was doing anything illegal. I thought I was confronting friends. I thought I was retrieving my things. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody and I didn’t mean to steal anything.”

Well, it looks like O.J.’s next role is in a remake of Leaving Las Vegas called Leaving Las Vegas In 9 Years Or More.

And I’ll bet my entire Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies stash that Christie Prody no longer has anymore “accidents.” Not in the next 9 years anyway.

Source

Crocs are not only the fugliest things ever created by human hands, but they are also hazardous to your health! Kerry Burdick (BIRD DICK!) of Pennsylvania has filed a $7.5 million lawsuit against the evil doers at CROCS after her son’s shoe got caught in an escalator at an aquarium in Baltimore. Her son was left with a mangled big toe.

Ms. Bird Dick claims Crocs knew their fug foot covers were not safe for escalator travel and did not warn the public about it. Last June, a 3-year-old broke three toes when one of her Crocs got caught in an escalator. Crocs said they were not to blame. Although, days before Ms. Bird Dick’s son’s Crocs accident, the company announced they were redesigning the shoe after receiving around 60 complaints about escalator injuries. They also said they would add “escalator warning” tags to all shoes.

My wish is for a judge to do what’s right and turn over the entire Crocs company to Ms. Bird Dick. I am confident Ms. Bird Dick will close down the dark-sided company and recall every last shoe. Ms. Bird Dick should then recycle all Crocs into something the world needs more of: DILDOS!

Source: Baltimore Sun

Thanks Shondi

John Stamos must be hard up for a paycheck, because he’s working on a remake of Full House. Candace Cameron Bure, who played DJ Tanner, told OK! Magazine (via SFGate), “John has been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweetin. We would revive our characters, but today as young women.”

Fuck DJ. Fuck Stephanie. Fuck them all. This must star Kimmy Gibbler! She was the only reason I watched that oatmeal mess of a show. I always wondered whatever happened to Kimmy and her truly hot clothes.

Part of me thinks Kimmy ran off to DC and got a job in the mail room of the White House. After a few months, she unwittingly becomes President of the United States! Hey, it can happen. Then she brings back the whole gang to be her cabinet members. They can call it Full White House!

Or maybe Kimmy ran away to NYC to become a fashion designer. After many failures, she’s forced to take a job as a day-shift stripper. That’s when she gets addicted to crack. They can call it Full Crack House! The Olsen trolls would fit perfectly into that plot.

P.S. – When I was googling Kimmy Gibbler, I found this on Urban Dictionary:

1.kimmy gibbler: When you refuse to leave after you have a one night stand, even when they ask you nicely.

“Last night I met some whore at the bar….we came back to my place and she gave me the Kimmy Gibbler….she fucked the hell out of me and then refused to go home when I asked her nicely.”

HOW RUDE!

Thanks Shanta

Many gossip whores are convinced that Vadge and A-Rod are licking each other’s taints and dick slapping one another, but they’ve never confirmed. There’s been rumors that they are buying a house together and planning all sorts of gross things. Well, A-Rod says people are lie-telling. He has denied away that he’s sucking on Vadge’s clit-cock.

When People asked him about the relationship, he said, “We’re friends – that’s it. I can tell you this. I have never been on a plane with her.”

Riddle me this. Aren’t these pictures of A-Rod and Vadge getting off of a plane together? My one working brain cell is starting to rot away, so I may have forgotten what an airplane looks like, but I’m 95% sure that’s a plane.

Vadge’s “just friend” went on to say, “I’ve been to two [of her] concerts, yet I’ve read that I went to 20. I’ve also read that we were buying an apartment together. That is absolutely ridiculous and not true. You have to have a sense of humor when it comes to this stuff. If I answered every rumor we’d be here for three weeks.”

That silly A-Rod. He could’ve used a better description than “friend.” Vadge doesn’t have friends! She has slaves, pawns and toys! That said, if I was him, I’d deny it too. I’d tattoo “No Vadge Lover” on my forehead.

Panty Creamer of the Minute: James Franco in Blackbook – Socialite Life

Gordon Ramsay’s alleged ho got fired from Ashley Madison – Celebitchy

Chipmunk nipples! – Popholic

Gayken will never forgive Kathy Griffin – Mollygood

Lily Allen’s new video gives me a major Feist vibe – Popbytes

Keanu Reeves wants a Bill & Ted reunion – I’m Not Obsessed

Amanda Bynes has a scary face – ICYDK

Good news! Coldplay is getting sued – Holy Moly!

No more Bratz dolls! What’s a prostitot to do?! – Jezebel

Since they aren’t making Bratz dolls for now, this is what you can get the prostitot in your life – Urlesque

Carnie Wilson gets sexy with an ice cream cone – Celebslam