This is the part of the day where we watch a kitten playing with broccoli. The white cat on the futon is thinking, “That pussy needs help.”

Broccoli Kitten has my vote as the opening act on Spaghetti Cat’s world tour.

VIA ICanHasCheezeburger

Thanks Hanna

I’m thisclose to pulling a Crissy Crocker and posting a YouTube demanding that everyone leave NeNe Leakes alone! NeNe was reportedly kicked out of her home after she couldn’t afford to pay rent. She later said it was all just a misunderstanding and her family chose to leave on their own. MyFox Atlanta couldn’t leave it at that and they dug up the actual eviction documents! The eviction was later dropped, because they reached some kind of agreement. NeNe still had to shuffle out of her home because she couldn’t afford that bitch anymore.

MyFox Atlanta went even further by investigating NeNe’s husband’s business. Nene’s Bravo bio says that Greg Leakes is a successful real estate investor. Well, according to MyFox he’s only successful at not paying his taxes. He owes over $100,000 in back taxes. They also spoke to a few of Greg’s tenants who said he sucks and they never see him when they have complaints.

NeNe and Greg issued a statement saying they never claimed to be rich, but they do live a comfortable life.

This shit makes me want to close my eyes, cover my ears and sing “I say I’m tweeenty niiineeee…but I’m reaaaally eighty niiiinnnee.” NeNe is a gift to reality TV and I don’t care if she’s broke like a Davis brother. It doesn’t matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is that she’s back for season 2 so that she can finally slap that yard sale wig off of Kim’s head.

Click here to see the whole expose! I love the word expose. Try and use it in a sentence today.

There’s going to be a big possum cookout in the Spears family backyard today because Brit Brit has the #1 album in the country! Daddy Spears is probably dancing around in his wife beater and singing, “Slap me wif a ho’nee beavah! Mah li’l Cheeto is numbah one!”

Circus sold a little over 500,000 copies in its first week. This gives Brit Brit the second-biggest debut by a chick this year. Taylor Swift has the highest-selling debut. Circus is also on track to become the seventh-biggest debut of 2008.

Brit’s tour is also selling out. They’ve added new dates in London, Los Angeles, New Jersey, Chicago and Toronto.

I tried to buy tickets for this shit, but I’m not taking over $100 from my booze fund to stand the entire time. Now, I like to be up close and personal, but most of the floor area is standing only. I don’t know how to stand that long. Sorry. My legs are on a timer. They give out after 30-minutes.

During Brit’s possum bbq today, she better give a speech and thank Daddy Spears, the good people at Forest Laboratories and whoever invented lip-synching and auto-tune.

Source

Brad Pitt looks like he was arrested for assault with a fugly pubestache. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me as much as does other bitches. It gives me something to laugh at. But I wish it was longer and curled at the ends. I’ve always wanted to grow one of those. Do you have to take a curling iron to that shit every morning? Brad should consider getting one. Maddox would approve.

Brad’s mug shot is on the cover of Rolling Stone, as you can see, and inside he talks about you know and you know. Let me just lay down the most interesting quotes from the interview. You can jump on over to Rolling Stone to read the whole thing, but it has a lot of words in it.

Brad on The New York Times story about Angie’s manipulative ways:

“It sounded to me like the story made Angie out to be manipulative in some way. I get defensive. [They’re] talking about not only the woman I love, but one of the people on this planet who I have the greatest respect for. I think she’s as honorable as anyone I’ve ever met.”

Brad on his favorite Angie Jo movie:

“Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Because you know … six kids. Because I fell in love.”

Brad on Maddox’s internet skills:

“Our seven-year-old was searching the word ‘weapons’ on Google the other day and ended up on some white-supremacist site. I’m sure now we’re on all kinds of watch lists.”

Okay, Brad’s comment about Mr. & Mrs. Smith was really uncool. I almost think that Jenny, Brad and Angie are all in this together to get more publicity, because they keep talking about it! Cue the crazies shouting, “The reporters keep asking about it!” Well, the phrase “no comment” exists for a fucking reason. All three of them are rolling around in the famewhore mud pen together. Besides, how could Gia not be his favorite Angie Jo movie? That shit is hot.

And I know what General Maddox is up to by googling “weapons.” The child army is starting to arm themselves and they will soon take over. Slavery is near for all of us.

P.S. – It’s called Net Nanny, Brad. Look into it. I should install that shit on my own computer, because I just looked at my internet history. If the God Warrior glanced at my history, she would scream, “Gargyles! Slagkicks! Dark-sided!”

VIA UsWeekly

Candy Spelling’s gift-wrapping room farted all over Bobby Trendy – ICYDK

Save us all! Avril Lavigne might be pregnant – Celebitchy

Keanu Reeves took a shower – I’m Not Obsessed

Mimi’s new video is more effective than Ambien – Popbytes

The wax Miley Cyrus is just as gross as the original – SOW

I was waiting for this. Peta is angry with Brit Brit – Holy Moly!

Donald Sutherland is such a fine pepaw – Socialite Life

It looks like the cherubs have one again struck two Gossip Girl cast members with the love arrow and now they are all sexy on each other. And by “cherubs” I mean the producers.

Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have already been dating for a while. Chuck Bass and that Vanessa girl are also some kind of couple. The latest showmance comes courtesy of Little Jenny and Chace Crawford.

According to Page Six, 15-year-old Taylor Momsen and 23-year-old Chace were spotted by some witness kissing during the Gossip Girl holiday party at Haven in NYC. The witness must have not seen the producer pointing two guns at their heads. If they were bumping tongues, then the producers are pedo-pushers! You know Pedo Bear was nearby doing the Cabbage Patch. He approves!

All of those dumb whores on GG are getting fake action and Dorota’s bed is still cold! Where’s the rumor about Dorota and Blair Waldorf holding hands while shopping at Home Depot? Now that’s a showmance I can get behind.