WANTED: Tommy’s Blackberry

/ December 10, 2008

Tommy Girl was in Toronto promoting that soon-to-be epic flop Valkyrie and he seems to have lost the device he uses to control Stepford Katie’s hard drive: his Blackberry. Tommy did an interview with Entertainment Tonight Canada and shortly after he fluttered off, his slaves called to see if he had left it. Shinan Govani, a columnist for the National Post, said, “A search was done, but, nada. So, basically, someone in Toronto has Top Gun’s crackberry.”

Crackberry? That’s exactly what happened. Tommy probably sat on it and his hungry hole swallowed it up in one gulp. Tommy’s wondering why his ass is quivering so much lately. He figured Xenu was just flirting with him again.

VIA Page Six

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Blind Items: I Guess….You Guess….

/ December 10, 2008

This performer is going to take some time off from work next year, claiming that the time is right for her to start a family. She says that she is very excited about having a baby and that it will a brand new experience for her. Well, that just isn’t true. Few outside her family knows that she already has a child. She got pregnant and gave birth when she was a teenager. Because it was thought that having a child would ruin her image and career, the baby was very quietly passed off to a relative to raise as their own. The child has no idea that the celeb is actually their mother, and the celebrity and her family are determined to keep it that way. (Blind Gossip)

Miss Jackson if you’re nasty?!

Which hot young (underage) Hollywood up-and-comer is being supplied birth control
by her parents? This was only after a recent “scare” occurred. (Socialite Life)

They all need to be put on birth control! Actually, fix ’em all! But my guess is Little Jenny? She’s trouble!

Which TV actor secretly gets very friendly with the same sex, despite a slew of female exes? (Gatecrasher)

There’s not much to work with here. Spaghetti Cat?!

This A list actor on a very hit network comedy show has been telling anyone who will listen about all the holiday giving he has been doing and how he has adopted several families in the LA area to give them a Christmas since they cannot afford one on their own. He talks about how he has been buying gifts and is going to be bringing the a holiday meal and it goes on and on and on. He isn’t doing anything like that at all. He just likes that it makes him looks good. When his publicist found about the ruse, she decided to find an actual family and make good on at least some of the crap her client was spinning. When she approached the client about visiting the family she found, he declined saying he didn’t have the time but autographed a couple of DVD’s from his television show for them instead. (CDAN)

Spaghetti Cat again! Or Charlie Sheen? Denise Richards better dig shit up!

This celebrity wants everyone to know everything about how perfect her life is, and how you can be just like her. We know she is currently lying about two things. The first lie she tells is about food. She says that she grocery shops and spends time in the kitchen cooking every meal for herself and her family. So not true. A quote from a recent member of her household staff : “She wouldn’t know where anything was kept in the kitchen unless it fell off the shelf and hit her in the head.” The second lie she tells is about her marriage. It’s not happy. It’s over. Expect them to remain a pretend couple while the attorneys hammer out a divorce agreement. The offiical split will happen early next year. (Blind Gossip)

One word: GOOP

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Lisa Ling Better Step Off

/ December 10, 2008

I see what’s going on here and I’m not about it. Lisa Ling is trying to get a little sugar from Mah Boo. Yeah, I know she’s married to some hot doctor-type, but no one can resists the charms of the Silver Fox! Wait. If I put on a black wig and a black dress, I might be able to pass as Lisa Ling. Then Mah Boo will finally grant me a hug instead of sending security after me!!

Anyway, here’s that dreamwrecker Lisa Ling trying to get on Mah Boo at some CNN even last night. I also threw in a picture of Lisa with the beautiful and talented Cindy Adams! Peta is going to get shit for mistaking her wig for a dead animal and throwing flour all over her face. That was wrong of them.

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Lauri Waring Used To Look Normal

/ December 10, 2008

SPOILER ALERT! Lauri Waring bid farewell to The Real Housewives of Orange County on last night’s episode because the bright lights were melting her face. No. Lauri’s son was sentenced to 8-months in the clink for being a heroin-head, so she wants to spend all her time with her family. The shitty thing is that Lauri didn’t have a proper goodbye. I was hoping they’d have a dinner where all the housewives would start fighting, but that didn’t happen. During her final segment, they did show some hot pictures of Lauri back in the day. My mom had like ten million of those heirloom chokers from Charlotte Russe.

Lauri used to sort-of look like Laura Dern but now she looks like a microwaved Madame with too much bootleg botox in her face. Anyway, I’ll miss that Shrinky Dink face.

While I enjoyed seeing Vicki’s menopausal crotch attack Tamra’s husband on a boat last night, the housewives needed to fight more. They almost never bitch each other out! Are they afraid that if they get too angry their implants will pop? Or their botoxed faces will explode? I need a cougar fight!

In other sad OC Housewives news, you might have heard but Gretchen’s sugar daddy passed away back in September. He died before they could get married. Battle for the will!

Below is Lauri’s goodbye filled with botoxed tears:

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Afternoon Crumbs

/ December 10, 2008

Celine Dion looks like she’s going to vag-fart those chonies right off! – Hollywood Tuna

Angie Jo is eating yams, because she wants more babies – IDLYITW

Jessica Simpson & Ken Paves eat out. The visuals from that sentence have ruined my day – Just Jared

Hilary Duff is a titty cutter. Ha. (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The newest Bond girl forgot to wear clothes – Egotastic!

Angie and Clint are totally doing it – Lainey Gossip

Pamela Anderson has never looked better – Hollywood Rag

Tommy Girl with a lightsaber – Cityrag

Larva with lipstick – Towleroad

JON HAMM!!!…..and some other people too – Popsugar

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Carrie Fisher Ate A Lot Of Acid

/ December 10, 2008

Crazy Carrie Fisher makes me wish that reading books didn’t give me the runs most of the time, because I really want to read Wishful Drinking after seeing her interview with Matt Lauer on Today this morning. Carrie covered all our favorite morning topics from her bipolar disorder to Cary Grant telling her to stop eating acid to how her husband left her for another dude to electroshock therapy. I only wish Debbie Reynolds was interviewing her instead. How I wish I was a bottle of vodka at their Christmas dinner. It’s probably fucking nuts!

During her interview, Carrie probably thought she was having an acid flashback when Matt suddenly turned into a gigantic dirty dildo. Naw, Carrie. It wasn’t a flashback. Most of us see him that way.

Below is the second part of her interview with Al Roker. It seems that somewhere in between the first and second interview, she lost her legs. She haz no legs! And you know there’s a dozen hickeys underneath that scarf.

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