We get it. Pamela Anderson is allergic to wearing pants. I understand this. I even understand that she has to wear a coochie hugger during her act with that big gay magician fellow. But she should really check her shit before she exits her dressing room. I know that when I’m about to leave the house in a shiny leotard, I check to make sure my crotch area doesn’t look like a stale triple-decker turkey sandwich. It usually does and that’s why I never wear my shiny leotard in public anymore. Pammy should do the same. Or at least get one that doesn’t smother her vagina. The thing has been through enough! We should really throw a telethon for that traumatized snatch.

Below is Pamela Anderson in Amsterdam with Hans Klok. You might be wondering where the scratch on her ass came from in the first thumbnail. It came from her dried up labia lips trying to scratch their way out of that leotard.

Poseidon’s son has a fake-tittied stalker – IDLYITW

Gerald Butler looks like he’s trying to hold in the booze barf – Just Jared

Dancing with the Has-Beens kills relationships – Towleroad

John Mayer and Don Rickles are totally doing it – Lainey Gossip

This is probably the most stressful thing Ceiling Eyes did all week – Hollywood Tuna

If you work in an office, never leave gum on your desk (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The Veronica Mars broad trying to be hot – Egotastic!

Hummer bummers – Cityrag

Josh Hartnett is trying to join the stache club – Popsugar

Princess Zac Efron goes dildo shopping – oceanUP

Brit Brit and Ellen Degeneres are ruining Christmas – Hollywood Rag

I’m hoping his year’s Oscars will be shirt-optional since Hugh Jackman is hosting it and he suffers from Matthew McConaughy syndrome. The Oscar bitches announced today that Hugh will host the Oscars on February 22nd. The show is usually hosted by people who tell jokes for a living, but they decided that sex sells so they got Hugh instead.

Hugh is actually an excellent choice! As long as he keeps his shirt off, keeps the bow tie on (it is the Oscars after all) and opens the show in an Oscar statue hammock thong, everyone will be pleased. Tommy Girl better keep his hungry no-no under lock and key, because that thing is going to try and eat the host.

Oh and Hugh better recreate this performance he did for the Tony Awards (complete with Carole Bayer Sager’s introduction, of course):

Source

The picture above is what my wet dreams basically looked like when Sam Talbot’s season of Top Chef was airing. French fries and Sam! The only thing missing is a hot tub full of mayo.

One of the biggest manwhores of NYC, Sam Talbot, is now wearing a wedding ring. A source close to Sam told People that he got married to some trollop in NYC on November 17th at City Hall. Marrying at City Hall usually means you need a green card or baby is coming.

The source went on to say, “They are madly in love, and he is the happiest man alive to call her his wife.”

This doesn’t hurt that much, because I pretty much got over Sam after learning that he betrayed me last July. All the pictures I Photoshopped of Sam and me running hand in hand on the beach, canoodling in a French bistro and playing naked Twister have been erased from my computer.

Besides, this is my new Top Chef crush:

I’m gayer than a pink princess gerbil cage, but I loooooove chichis. Adore them. When I retire, I want to spend the rest of my days nuzzled between Aretha Franklin’s Appalachian tittays. So if Fishy ever grew a pair, I’d notice them right away. Some obviously blind bitches think she might have had some breasts put in, because she looks “bigger” on the cover of Gotham Magazine.

One titty expert told Page Six, “She didn’t use to have anything up top. Now she does, and they are perky.” Another ho said they recently saw a screening of her movie Two Lovers where she slips a tit and described her boob as that “of a 15-year-old girl.”

Um. I think they met 15-year-old boy. My chichis are most luscious than Fishy’s. Maybe all the goop in her system settled in the chest area, so it looks a tad fuller. I’m sure it will seep out of her ass when she does her monthly Master Cleanse.