Emergen-C!!! I drink an Emergen-C at least 5 times a week and while downing one this morning, I realized how much I love it with every bone in my body. Like really love it. Whenever I’m feeling a little gross, I drink a fizzy Emergen-C and everything is okay for a few minutes at least. You can even put a little shot of vodka in there for a healthy and delicious cocktail. I’ve even considered snorting it, but I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea.

Morris Day (51)
Taylor Swift (19)
Nellie McKay (24)
Amy Lee (27)
Tom DeLonge (33)
Debbie Matenopoulos (34)
Christie Clark (35)
Jamie Foxx (41)
Steve Buscemi (51)
Wendie Malick (58)
Ted Nugent (60)
Christopher Plummer (79)
Dick Van Dyke (83)

Ultimate drunktard Tara Reid is now working her way up the 12 steps to staying relevant by checking herself into a little known rehab facility known as Promises Malibu. I guess Celebrity Rehab was all booked up?

Her spokeswhore told People, “Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center. We appreciate your respect to her and her family’s privacy at this time.”

The spokeswhore wouldn’t say what she’s being treated for. That’s probably because the list is endless and nobody really has that kind of time. The better question would be, “What isn’t the bitch addicted to?”

While she’s in there, she should also have a contractor, Ty Pennington, a few set decorators, the bomb squad and Bob the Builder come in to look at her war zone tummy. While she’s detoxing, she might as well fix the monster on her belly.

And because Tara’s in the tank, the booze industry is going to take a big hit, so we need to do our part! This weekend, for every 1 cocktail you drink, drink 6 more for Tara!

Videogum put together a beautiful trip down viral video lane featuring some of my favorite shit from 2008 including Barack Roll, Sasha Fierce, Baby Wee Wee, Christian the Lion and Bill O’Reilly’s meltdown.

I understand why they didn’t include Spaghetti Cat. Spaghetti Cat is more than just a viral/TV star. Spaghetti Cat is an international legend. It would feel wrong including someone with his iconic status in this shit. However, there is one totally hot bitch missing. Where the fuck is Scarlet?! I watched Videogum’s compliation at least 3 times (and enjoyed it every time), thinking that I must have missed her.

Scarlet Takes a Tumble basically sums up my entire year in one quick fall. Let’s pay tribute to her now:

Which not too long out of the closet male celebrity with B+ name recognition, can’t keep a boyfriend because of performance issues? Apparently no matter how hard he tries or how much Viagra he takes, he just cannot get the job done with boyfriends. The only way he manages to get it in play so to speak is to pay for it with escorts. Then he has no problems. (CDAN)

Does Viagra make your moobs bigger because I immediately thought of Clay Gayken? But I’m going to guess Lance Bass, because he’s been manwhoring around lately.

Which tiny pop hunk has a secret boyfriend? The ghetto guy met him at a dance competition and ever since they’ve been inseparable… (3am Girls)

La Pequena, of course. Or Fetus Archuleta? I shouldn’t have said that. His tween stalkers will have my head.

Which rehabbed starlet convinced a group of college kids to bring her a big bag of powder? She hoarded all the drugs for herself before kicking the kids out of her hotel. But the crew had the last laugh – they stole her entire liquor stash as they left. (Gatecrasher)

That’s hurtful! Who steals booze from a person?! Booze is holy water! It’s sacred. My guess is Hoooooooooohan?

Even Priscilla Presley probably cringed when watching Tommy Girl singing Elvis on Jay Leno last night and you know that’s saying a lot. It’s almost psychically impossible for Priscilla to move her face, but she did it when hearing Tommy’s warble because it hurt down in her very soul. I bet her eyes popped out and now she’s blind. Blame it all on this fuckery above.

Tommy talked about how he’d love to do a musical (you know us gays) and that’s when he suggested he should sing a little something. The images of him in an ass-less Elvis jumpsuit and Johnny Travolta as Priscilla has made my genitals call in sick for the rest of the day. You know Tommy sings this shit while Johnny is bouncing on his Jailhouse Rock.

Click to the 5:20 mark to get your daily dose of Tommy creepiness. When he sings, his eyes feel like they are touching me inappropriately and telling me to not to tell my priest about it.

And here’s TG leaving Kimmel last night with his boyfriends.