Liz Rosenberg Will Pay For This!

/ December 17, 2008

On Monday, Vadge’s very own spokeswhore of a million years, Liz Rosenberg, told the world that Guy Ritchie got around $76 to $92 million for being married to a velociraptor with a nut cracker vagina. We all rejoiced and danced on our old Like A Virgin records. I’m joking about that last part. My Like A Virgin record is a prized possession. Only because my dumb fuck sister forged an autograph from Vadge on it before giving it to me as a present when we were kids. I framed it and everything! I found out a couple of years later she lied to me and committed forgery! Heartbreaking and illegal. Okay, I really found out last week.

Anyway, Vadge and Guy have issued a joint statement saying the settlement amount is completely wrong. Vadge said (with Guy’s nuts still in her claws), “We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest. A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children.”

Please, this shit was all planned out. Vadge was so angry that she started gritting her pussy teeth when everyone called Guy Ritchie “saint of the year” for walking away from her fortune. So in order to rain on Guy’s good guy parade, Vadge had her spokesbitch make that little announcement knowing that she would issue her own statement a few days later claiming the amount is all wrong.

Everything is so damn complicated in Vadge’s life! Fuck. She needs Neicy Nash and the Clean House team to visit her brains and get rid of all the damn clutter. I swear. She makes everything so damn difficult.

And if Liz is the one that fucked up, well, then we probably won’t hear from her ass for a while, because she’s being held in Vadge’s jail cell crotch. If you happen to walk by Vadge in the next few days, throw a few stale bread crumbs towards her vagina for Liz to snack on.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ December 17, 2008

Cristy Lane – A country and gospel singer who has captured the hearts of the world with her beautiful voice! Like the commercial below says, with all the turmoil in the world today, find comfort and strength in Cristy’s voice…..and her glamorous hair.

For Rachelle & Philly

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Birthday Sluts

/ December 17, 2008

Eugene Levy (62)
Milla Jovovich (33)
Giovanni Ribisi (34)
Sarah Paulson (34)
Laurie Holden (36)
Sean Patrick Thomas (38)
Sara Dallin (42)
Tracy Byrd (42)
Gregg Araki (49)
Peter Farrelly (52)
Bill Pullman (55)
Barry Livingston (55)
Chris Matthews (63)
Bob Guccione (78)
Armin Mueller-Stahl (78)

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Is That Bit Bit?!

/ December 16, 2008

On her show today, Ellen Degeneres aired a little segment she did with Brit Brit Spears of them going caroling around some neighborhood in Los Angeles. Okay, if Brit Brit showed up to my front door, I would run to my kitchen, hide my bag of Cheetos and then run to my bathroom and hide all my meds. Did you know that some bathrooms have lock boxes built into the medicine cabinet now? That is a genius idea, because so many dumb bitches will take your good meds without even feeling guilty. That’s why you gotta hide that shit in your crotch area or something when people come over, because they will search high and low for a little Vicodin or Valium. Trust me. I’m one of them.

Anyway, Brit and Ellen visited one house in the clip above and I think that’s Bit Bit (skip to the 4:00 mark)! Bit Bit was Brit’s dog when she was still bouncing on KFed’s jerky stick. That dog seriously looks suspiciously like Bit Bit. It was also giving shade to Brit. And Maybe Bit Bit gave Brit the “Bitch, You Know That I Know” look. If the pooch is Bit Bit, he’s looking a little on the voluptuous side, but it’s nice to see that he has a bird friend now. He’s used to dealing with bird brains. I mean, he used to chill with Brit.

And how is Brit Brit opening her mouth without a track to lip-synch to? She’s not even using auto-tune. It’s a Christmas miracle! A Christmas miracle that has probably killed a few dozen angels thanks to her natural voice.

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Yes, RuPaul Can!

/ December 16, 2008

Somewhere in the world, Ty Ty Banks is banging her eleventyhead against the wall (I pity the neighbors) for not coming up with this idea first for herself! Although, she did have a photo shoot like this on ANTM. Watch her take credit for this shit on her talk show. Watch.

Here’s RuPaul as both Michelle and Barack Obama. If I didn’t already send out my Spaghetti Cat Christmas cards, this would be my holiday card.

RuPaul as the Obamas is part of a holiday promotion for his new drag queen reality show on Logo premiering in February.

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