A few days ago, Dlisted reader Reanna sent me this shit, but I didn’t do it because white supremacists give me the roids. But a ton of you whores sent me this messed up story, so here it is by popular demand for you to discuss. You can finally use all those Nazi puns you’ve been saving up!

Over in Easton, PA, a ShopRite has hurt the feelings of a couple of white supremacists. Heath and Deborah Campbell ordered a birthday cake for their 3-year-old son’s party, but ShopRite refused to decorate the cake, because the little boy’s name is Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Adolf isn’t the only poor kid in the family with a fucked up name worthy of a visit from Child Protective Services. Adolf has a sister named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and another sibling who goes by Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

OH HEIL NO! Nazi pun! Hooray!

ShopRite said they would not inscribe a birthday greeting to Adolf Hitler. They agreed to make the cake for the family and let them write whatever they want themselves.

Mama Nazi told LeighValleyLive, “ShopRite can’t even make a cake for a 3-year-old. That’s sad.”

This bitch has fish caca for brains. I guess that’s what happens when you suck too much gas fumes out of random car tanks on a daily basis. She wouldn’t get the point if it put on a stupid moustache and gave the Hitler salute. What’s sad is what they named their kids!

Mama Nazi said she named him Adolf, because nobody in the world would ever have that name. I’m sure nobody in the world has “STUPID CUNT” on their birth certificate, but that isn’t a reason to name your kid that. Actually, Stupid Cunt may be my birth name. I better check that shit.

The Campbells ended up getting Little Adolf’s cake made at Walmart. Figures. They probably threw in some frosted swastika cookies too.

And somewhere in Los Angeles, Bronx Mowgli is secretly passing the torch over to Little Adolf Hitler for having the cruelest baby name in the world.

Pepaw gets the price exactly right! You know the bitch next to him wants to knock him in the damn dentures. She was only $494 off!! – Best Week Ever

Chris Martin clears up divorce rumors, remains annoying while doing so – I’m Not Obsessed

Hasselcrack got a pity invite to the White House Christmas party – Socialite Life

Buffy the Vampire Slayer still exists – Popoholic

Even Lily Allen thinks her talk show wasn’t anything to jizz over – Holy Moly!

Jim Carrey joins the “Actors Who Should STFU Club” – ICYDK

Duh of the Day: Miley Cyrus’ panty model boyfriend is just using her – Celebitchy

Brendan Fraser’s fugness makes my eyes shrivel up – SOW

Breaking news! HoHan still has a fan. A fan who has obviously gone crazy from having firecrotch on the brains all the time. HoHan’s insane fan jumped out at her while she was leaving the Jackrabbit Lounge in Scottsdale, AZ last night. ABC15 says SamRo made an appearance at the club last night and was strolling out of the joint with her partner in pussy when the radish-faced lunatic tried to get at HoHan.

The po po said, “The gentleman became very excited when he realized he was so close to Samantha and he has a history of being a stalker with Lindsay Lohan so he immediately attacked her and started yelling I love her, I love her.”

The 38-year-old psycho was arrested, but later released a little while later.

Never trust a man in a ribbed v-neck. This dude must not know that HoHan really isn’t openly dealing with the peen at this moment. He needs to go take a seat in the waiting room, put on a complimentary straitjacket and he’ll be called when she’s back on the dick. And while he’s waiting, he should do something about that dried-up tomato caca splattered all over his fugly mug.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson went on The Dog Whisperer before she popped out Bronx Mowgli, because they just weren’t getting along, constantly biting at each other and fighting over who is pack leader. Yes, I know. Hit the gong!

Anyway, Ass and Pete really sought the advice of Cesar Milan, because their bulldogs, Hemingway and Rigby, weren’t behaving. Ass is afraid how they are going to act with Bronx Mowgli around. Um. In order for the dogs to act sane, Ass and Pete have to move far away from their asses. Imagine being around those two dirty tampons all day. You’d go crazy too with the scent period blood always in the air.

Cesar does his usual shit like teaching Hemingway how to walk on the treadmill, etc…. I’m always shocked at this shit. There’s no way in cat cookie hell that my dog would ever get on a damn treadmill, let alone walk on it. The minute I placed him on some kind of contraption that would force him to walk, he would grab all his shit and hit the road for Los Angeles where nobody walks. The lazy bitch wouldn’t make it that far though. He would collapse in the hallway from exhaustion.

Ass and Pete’s episode airs December 28th. Cesar should come back to teach them how to raise Bronx Mowgli. For real.

And why do celebwhores’ houses always look like Z Gallerie, Pottery Barn and Cher’s Sanctuary catalog exploded all over it?

Cue the laugh track for the obvious joke you’re thinking in that trash bag head of yours. I thought the same thing except my obvious joke had cameos by Jennifer Aniston and flyballs.

Rachael Ray’s head is on the cover of Modern Dog’s Winter issue. It looks like you could lightly blow her way and her annoying head would roll right off for Isaboo to play with. Yes, her dog’s name is fucking Isaboo. I bet Isaboo hates her for that and that’s why they had to Photoshop Rachael’s head on someone else’s body (and neck). Isaboo refused to share the cover with a truck stop, raggedy mouthed yap-beast like Rachael.

In the issue, Rachael also gives her special recipe for dog food which includes macaroni, extra virgin olive oil (I won’t say it), onions, heavy cream, cheese, squash and other crap. Click here for the recipe. My dog would love this nastiness, but I wouldn’t love it when I have to scrape his watery butt juice off the sidewalk.

VIA ONTD

Okay, if you want to breastfeed your kid until he graduates high school, fine. It’s your titty milk, it’s your kid, have at it! But don’t think that bitches want to hear about that shit. Especially, when your son can talk about it.

Pregnant Kelly Rutherford, aka forever Megan Lewis to me, told UsWeekly (via P6) that she still squirts leche for her talking 2-year-old son Hermes and she loves it. She said, “It’s an amazing bond with your child. I was thinner after my pregnancy than before, and I think a lot of it was the nursing.”

When you can make small-talk with your son while he’s sucking on your nip, maybe it’s time to invest in a bottle or two. Actually, I shouldn’t judge. At least Hermes can tell Kelly if her breast milk is too warm or rancid tasting. That way she can go stick her titty in the fridge for a few minutes.