At least I was respectful and didn’t call him the First Pussy! Besides, we all know who the real First Pussy is. Stop! Now is not the time for my fuckery. We must mourn the passing of the second greatest member of the Bush family (Barney is the first, sorry).

The White House website says that the Bush’s 18-year-old cat India passed away yesterday at home. India was given to Barbara when she was 9. India stayed with George and Laura when Barbara went off to college.

The family also called India “Willie” and “Kitty.” Okay, she must have died from confusion, because they kept calling her ass all these different names! I’m joking again and now is not the time. I’ll stop. But seriously, you know that evil Barney has something to do with this!

Rest in peace, India/Willie/Kitty……

Source

Busty Hearts, the hot bitch who should have won America’s Got Talent, took her chichis of mass destruction overseas to demonstrate her skills on a Spanish TV show. Now TMZ says one of Busty’s tracks came out of her head while she was pounding melons, but I didn’t see that shit. I get off seeing weaves pieces try to escape, so I watched it over and over again to see the exact moment, but it never came for me. Maybe because I was too busy trying to comfort my crying nipples.

And Busy still doesn’t have shit on Aretha Franklin. Aretha can break a bowling ball in two just by flashing her CHICHIS (so big you gotta use all caps) at it.

Courtney Love’s Malibu shopping outfit is making my eyeballs go in opposite directions, but it probably makes total sense to her. It’s like she’s wearing one of her blog posts. When I was a lil’ homo, this is the kind of shit I would put together in my mom’s garage using her old disco dresses, my sister’s tap dancing outfits and my abuelita’s fake jewelry. Just like Courtney, I too looked like a beat down Knott’s Berry farm waitress with a bad Dilaudid addiction (shout out to Brittany from Interevention).

We’re going to do this shit on fast forward. The biggest election in the history of all elections, Hot Slut of 2008, is right around the corner, but first we have to figure out who is taking December. You only have 24-hours to vote so make the ROJO right ROJO choice ROJO. Here’s you have to ROJO pick from:

Daddy Spears – Brit Brit’s grouchy-faced master and Velveeta lover!
The Shiba Inu 6 – Heartmakers and heartbreakers!
Cheetah Lady – Crazy taco-eating pussy in dire need of a condo!
Rojo Caliente – Your dream girl!

Voting is in the right sidebar. The winning slut will be named tomorrow around this time. Synchronize your Swatches!

I knew the first episode of Rock of Love Bus would make me feel like I needed Jesus in my life, but this shit exceeded my expectations. What…the fuck? After watching it, my saliva tasted like Boones-Farm-infused vomit, my crotch started itching like vag warts were starting to grow in and I had to look down at myself to make sure extra-large Hefty bags filled with melted down plastic weren’t taking up space in my chest area. Seriously, it felt like the high level of skankness on the TV screen exploded all over me. I had to ask God to forgive me for my sins. During next week’s episode, I’m going to wear a dental dam over my nose and mouth to protect myself.

I wish I had one last night while watching the moment above. Now, I consider myself highly knowledgeable when it comes to all things whorish, but this shit even blew my mind. Nikki, the ladyboy muppet, was “freakin’ horny” so she decided to do a Buttery Nipple shot out of Gia’s pussy right on the bar in front of everyone! I bet it tasted like an oatmeal cookie, because you know that dirty bitch Gia had yeast infection leakage.

Nikki is taking the whole “nasty slut with no self-respect” thing to levels beyond my imagination. She truly is my idol. Unfortunately, the only open vagina Vh1 is allowed to show is Bret Michaels‘ face, so they had to censor the whole amazing moment. And that bitch Heather falling on her ass at the end completes the clip.

It wouldn’t be a Rock of Love episode without a good skankfight! This one below comes courtesy of the Brazilian drunk Marcia and the Juliette Lewis wannabe Ashley. It all started when Ashley made fun of Marcia’s accent on the bus. When Marcia got a few gallons of tequila in her, she got revenge by throwing chips at Ashley and then choking her chicken neck! And Ashley totally fucking screams like a damn chicken getting finger fucked. I don’t blame Marcia. I would’ve done that long before, because Ashley’s voice is so damn irritating. She sounds like she’s talking with a dick stuck in the side of her mouth. Open your mouth, bitch!

Even though that whole episode made me cleans out my genitals with OxiClean (and I mean that as a compliment), I’m still mad that they got rid of Nikki so soon. I mean, the ho did a shot out of another chick’s coochie in the first episode! She would’ve been mixing martinis in her own poon by episode 3! Extra dirty with two crotch olives. Aw. What could’ve been….

Jump, Daisy! Jump! – Lainey Gossip

My kind of couple. Zhang Ziyi’s boyfriend is tossing her salad on a public beach! – Egotastic!

Brit Brit’s bits look sad – Hollywood Tuna

Let’s not even joke about Bill O’Reilly joining The Strictly Dickly Club – Towleroad

Ty Ty’s man is not smilin’ wit hiz eyez – Just Jared

Jennifer Aniston and a million others having the time of their stupid lives in Cabo – Popsugar

Antonio Sabato Jr. is wearing too many clothes – Hollywood Rag

Your liquor cabinet is safe. Tara Reid is still in the tank – I’m Not Obsessed

Scientology still hasn’t cured Tommy’s creepiness – Celebitchy

Annalynne McCord will forever be Eden from Nip/Tuck to me. Oh and here she is in a bikini (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

JLo and Skeletor totally hate each other – SOW

I’m having a hard time looking at RiRi’s maybe-engagement ring, because those fugly gloves have blinded me – Cityrag

Hugh Jackman is smart – ICYDK