Before we get into this tragic tale of getting beat down at the Vadge concert, can we discuss the picture above. Is that mega peen or pocket gas? If it’s the former, Patrick Wolf has just earned a place on my “No-No’s Most Wanted” list. I can ignore his Tinkerbell fell in a dumpster look as long as the peen is major.

Okay, so if you’re going to a Vadge concert, you should expect to be surrounded by shiny gayness. The gayness in the air should be so thick that you’ll start to cough up glitter. That’s not the case and singer (and frequent guest on my iTunes playlist) Patrick Wolf learned this the hard way.

In an interview with Electroqueer, Patrick said he was trying to get a little sugar from his boyfriend at Vadge’s gun show, when he was told by security that he needs to stop that funny shit, because prudes were bitching about it. Patrick said:

“Three songs in, me and my man were kissing and there were loads of conservative straight couples around us that complained. And then the bouncers came up to me and said, ‘Can you stop that? This is a family venue.’ No joke…

The bouncer said, ‘You know we can do this the easy way or the violent way’ and I said, ‘I’m staying so you do whatever you want.’ And then they just grabbed both of us. We were beaten up outside Wembley, handcuffed. These guys were like football bouncers. The police came and it just went on and on and on. My man’s face covered in blood. I couldn’t move for like a month. I had to lie in bed on painkillers for ages. They totally twisted my arm and my legs – it was just mad.

They are currently researching the CCTV – it’s just really nuts. We basically got beaten up by the police. You know it means I can’t be bothered to listen to Madonna ever again – which is good because it means I have more time for better music. You live and you learn.

You get into scraps with bouncers the whole time, but that was one step up because there were like seven of them and they just wanted to have a go because they were bored. There was a lot of quite homophobic shit going down which I was really pissed about seeing – it was a Madonna concert, y’know!”

Now I have another reason to never go to a Vadge show again! The first reason is that I really don’t want to take a second mortgage on my mom’s house to buy a ticket. And now I’ve learned that if you go, you might end your night in an hospital where you have to shit in a bag because you got your ass kicked so badly. It’s bad enough that I have to go caca in a bag in the comfort of my own house, but in a hospital with everyone watching? Too much.

Seriously, how is the Vadge show a family event? CPS better come knocking on your screen door if you take your kids to that shit. Who cares about the cursing and sex! It’s her Gremlin-crotch that will give your children night terrors for the rest of their lives. They’ll wake up screaming about the toothy clit coming to get them!

Thanks Emily

That Rip Torn just likes a little warm booze in his system while he goes Christmas tree shopping, but unfortunately Rip took the party behind the wheel. Picture this: 77-year-old Rip was humming along, driving in the breakdown lane on Route 44 in Connecticut with a Christmas tree tied to the roof of his Subaru! I’m hoping there was a sneaky forest animal with a digital camera, because that picture would make a beautiful holiday image. Hallmark would sell the fuck out of that shit.

Rip’s holiday fun times came to an end when he was pulled over by the cops. Don’t you just hate it when the police kill your buzz? E! News reports that the pepaw refused to do a sobriety test, because he said the ground wasn’t level. HA! I can hear him screaming, “The ground is moving! That’s not fair! It’s not right because the ground is moving up, down, back and forth! It’s like a wave!”

Rip was also driving without a license, because he lost his in 2007 after pleaded guilty to another DUI (that’s where the magical mug shot above is from).

Rip was charged with illegal operation of a motor vehicle while under the influence and failure to drive in the proper lane. He pleaded not guilty (because the ground was moving!) and is due back in court on January 28.

This is Pepaw Rip’s third DUI in the past five years.

I think it’s time Pepaw Rip keeps the good times at home where the floor doesn’t constantly move and the Werther’s Originals are a’flowin!

And I’ve got the sads, because we don’t have a new mug shot from Rip. I’m guessing it looks just like the one above, but he’s wearing a jolly Santey Claus hat instead!

Don’t you just love public humiliation when it doesn’t happen to you? It’s truly what makes the world go round.

This story about a bitch caught with his ski pants down comes to us from Vail, Colorado. The dude froze his ass off this past Friday when he was riding on a chairlift at a resort with his kid. The Smoking Gun says the lift’s seat wasn’t lowered, so the skier fell through a gap in the chair. Luckily for the dude, his ski got caught in the lift, saving him from falling into the snow. Actually, maybe it would have been less embarrassing for him if he fell and broke his arm or some shit, because while his body was stuck, his pants and chonies came down. And the world laughed while his peen tried to hold back the tears. It knew that if it cried, its mouth would freeze shut.

The accidental ski flasher hung (trust me, there’s no pun there) there for 15-minutes while waiting for help. Workers finally reversed the lift and got him out of the seat. It took 15-minutes because they were too busy cleaning the piss off their pants from laughing so hard.

Getting a case of frostbitten dick, nuts and nalgas might be worth it, because you know this bitch is going to sue the pants (GONG!) off of the bitch responsible for this

TSG has one more picture taken by a witness. I would so be that bitch who took pictures while that sad man dangled pantyless from the sky. Say “icicle dick!”

Thanks Mary

I do like that Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson look like a gayelle couple from the 80s getting married in Palm Springs. But I think that happened on accident. Anne probably knew Kate Hudson was going to be all dramatic-like by wearing some gay ass dressed, so she decided to play down her own outfit to make Kate look like a real asshole. It worked. However, Anne also fucked herself over with that Valley of the Dolls hair. An Ann Welles ‘do never goes with a lezzie groom ensemble. Never.

Kate Hudson could be wearing a dress made out of Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies and I’d still want to throw a mouth-foaming raccoon at her. And that dress would look better on my sister’s Barbie from 1983.

Here’s these two twats at the premiere of Bride Wars in NYC yesterday. SPOILER ALERT! The movie ends with both whores realizing how stupid they acted. They apologize to one another, but start arguing because one of them won’t let the other one say sorry first. Then they laugh about it, hug and decide they should have a joint dream wedding right then! When the priest announces “I now pronounce you husbands and wives,” they kiss their dudes and begin walking down the aisle. Kate won’t let Anne walk down the aisle first, they side-eye each other and cut to black! HA! Those crazy girls. By the way, I totally made that up, but you know that’s how it ends.

P.S. – Is it only me or is anyone ever bothered by rose petals strewn about like in the pictures below? I know it’s supposed to be romantic and all, but where there’s lone rose petals, there’s a naked rose somewhere. And that’s sad.

These pictures of Kate Moss with a belly that doesn’t concave have led some to believe that a baby friend is currently renting that space. Kate is in Thailand right now with her boyfriend and daughter. Yes, she’s there right now! So get a kayak and paddle your ass over there! While you’re there, bring me back a beautiful ladyboy, because I really need one as my professional confidante and go-go dancer.

Anyway, some source told The Daily Mail that while she’s in Thailand, Kate has told her daughter’s nanny that she’s sending more work her way. The source said, “Kate told her that the bonus had been doubled, as she hoped she’d have twice as much work for her this year.”

Kate isn’t acting like your run-of-the-mill pregnant lady, because she’s been smoking and drinking. The source said Kate is planning to detox in Thailand in a few days. Detox = shit out all your insides.

Yes, Kate could be knocked up, but she also could have just eaten something that wasn’t an ice cube or a lemon seed. That’s what you do on vacation. You get drunk, get fat and get dicked. Those are the rules. On the other hand, if she is carrying a lil’ bundle of cokeyness, there has to be a reason for the fag in her hand and the beer juice going down her throat.

Obviously, Kate cares about her fetus. Fetuses get bored! Imagine just laying there, trying to find ways to past the time. It probably sucks. So Kate just dropped him a little beer and blew a little nicotine his way, so that he can lay back and enjoy the ride. If only Kate could shove a care package containing a bong, a Rubik Cube and an ABBA CD up her vagina, her fetus will be all set for the next few months.

P.S. – There’s some Moss nipple in a couple of these pics for those that work for prudes! But in the future, if you see a Moss post, there’s most likely going to be nekkid booby in it. That’s how Kate rolls.

I was beginning to think that American Idol looser (that’s how we spell it around these parts) Sanjaya was working as a morning-shift shampoo girl at some salon in Shoreline, Washington, but he isn’t! Sanjaya is leaping back into America’s hearts like a precious deer with flowing Yanni-like locks with his new EP “Dancing to the Music in My Head” due out in exactly two weeks!

I wish Sanjaya’s music in his head would stay there….forever. Yes, keep the music in your head, Sanjaya. It’s safe there. No one will hurt it if it just stays in your head and isn’t released into the wild. You can even dance to it. By yourself. Alone. In your head. Alone. Keep it there.

I feel like if I was trippin’ out on shrooms or computer duster, I would completely become one with this album cover. I would dance inside this Cost Plus fuckery amongst the stars and swirlies. But since I’m as sober as a 4-year-old, it looks like it was made by his fans. And by “fans” I mean his big-tittied sister and that crazy crying girl. Actually, scratch that crazy crying girl. Even she moved on to David Archuleta and his baby teeth.

If you did some fucked up shit last night and need to torture yourself, head on over to Amazon to preview some of his songs. Or better yet, just watch Sanjaya’s performance below. Watching this Bollylimp shit is like the equivalent of cutting yourself, but it won’t leave nasty scars. i-Cutting!

Source: SOW