It wasn’t the 400 lbs of flailing flesh that scared you when Ben came at you so much as the way his nipples reared up and glared with such hatred. – madam s.

Runners-up:

Where milk shakes really come from – Jerkygirl

Tommy, the Human Tsunami – WTFOMGLOL

Source: Evil Milk

Button the Dalmatian – Michelle Duggar might have given birth to 18 kids total, but Button popped out 18 puppies at once. Michelle Duggar ain’t got shit on Button. Button now holds the record in the UK for the largest litter. From what googling told me, the world’s record for the most puppies ever is around 24. Come on, Button! Get to work. You gotta beat that shit. By the way, Button looks like she’s fucking over it and really wants a cigarette and a 40.

David Bowie (62)
Gaby Hoffmann (27)
Rachel Nichols (29)
Sarah Polley (30)
Amber Benson (32)
Jenny Lewis (33)
Sean Paul (36)
Jason Giambi (38)
R. Kelly (42)
Wolfgang Puck (60)
Carolina Herrera (70)
Shirley Bassey (72)
Soupy Sales (83)

Now we finally know where MiserAlba got her beautiful bitchface from. She got it from her moms! Yeah, I too thought this was Kathy Griffin in a remake of Shallow Hal, but it’s just MiserAlba’s mama je’e.

You know, I think I might have a bitch crush on Catherine Alba. I mean, she’s a ginge, albeit a fake ass one, and she’s mastered the total cuntface. I’m also getting a little bit of “Jeana from The Real Housewives of Orange County” flavor from her. And who doesn’t love Jeana?

I hope Catherine crop dusted MiserAlba after she said this shit about her mom last year, “Everyone in my family is heavily overweight I wanted to be healthier, so I started cooking for myself when I was 12 years old.”

Heavily overweight?! What an asshole! That’s big and beautiful to her! I guess MiserAlba is a bigger bitch than her mom. Well, she was given the tools and she did it better.

Here’s Big MiserAlba and Lil’ MiserAlba doing stuff yesterday. And also Lil’ MiserAlba with new hair today. It’s nice to see that her new haircut didn’t fuck with her precious bitchface.

Buddy Lembeck from Charles in Charge and Tommy Bradford from Eight is Enough said farewell to this world of heartbreak and tears and tried to do himself in! Thankfully, he didn’t go through with it. And because I know you’re thinking it, that extremely sexy hot outfit is safe too. I’m going to look for that exact pattern at JoAnne this weekend. I’m gonna do mine up in royal blue with neon yellow trim.

So why did Willie want to leave us early? Well, his wife of 22 years, Maylo Upton (hot name, right?), left his ass and filed for divorce. Willie hasn’t made any cash since Celebrity Fit Club, so he had to declare bankruptcy. And his car got repossessed. Put all those three together and there you have Willie’s reason.

Willie told Star Magazine, “I stole a bottle of Jack Daniel’s from the guy I was renting the room from,” Willie tells Star in an exclusive interview. I’d been sober for 20 years when I took that first drink. I was also taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills. It got so bad, I put a knife to my throat and cut myself in six places. The police came, put me in handcuffs and whisked me away. I was completely devastated… I kept asking, ‘What did I do wrong?'”

Willie was thrown into the loony bin at USC and with their help he’s trying to crawl back out from his black hole.

Forever jolly Buddy Lembeck in the psych ward?! Sads.

Where is Scott Baio when you need him, because it sounds like Charles needs to be in charge of Buddy Lembeck. “I waaaaant Charles in charge of me!” And because that song is now stuck in my head for the rest of tonight, watch this so that you can join me:

Yes, this is totally real. But honestly, it’s still kind of gross. At first I thought it was a video of Bronx Mowgli’s birth. This has to be a viral video for Ray-Ban, American Apparel or some other shit.

This seriously explains explains where a lot of the dudes in my neighborhood come from, because most of them are just as slimy. That said, I’d still hit it, cow cooch smegma and all…. The dude, not the cow, you sick fuck!

VIA Towleroad