Shear genius! Do me a favor and get your hair cut like one of these bitches – Oddee

Taylor Momsen is famous in her own head – Socialite Life

All the boys and girls want to fuck Brit Brit and parents are mad about it – I’m Not Obsessed

Mimi knows how to hold her own umbrella…sort of – ICYDK

Fantasia is losing one of her houses and the bitch doesn’t care – Celebitchy

I had my suspicions… Barbara Hershey is a witch! – Scandalist

Russell Brand wants his penis to be able to do the downward dog pose during sex – Holy Moly!

You know where that award would look best? You must be one of Sylvia Browne’s relatives, because I know you know what I’m thinking. You have the gift. Katherine HAGel can shove that thing down her throat. It will fit perfectly. It wouldn’t make sense for her to shove it up her culo since she goes caca through her mouth. I know, such hate. Blame HAGel. She does that to me.

Anyway, some moronic morons voted 27 Dresses their “Favorite Comedy Movie” at the People’s Choice Awards. The idiots who voted that shit to win are also the people that think you can get knocked up from swallowing. I’ve had conversations with these kind of people. They really think the spermies can swim down to their baby making parts. I can’t…

Okay, 27 Dresses was not bad, anything starring HAGel should not get an award. That only fuels her ego! She’s probably on the Grey’s Anatomy set this morning toting that shit around like it’s an Oscar! I just want to cover her up in bird seeds and grass and feed her to Fishsticks Paltrow!

I usually watch the People’s Choice Awards every year, because it’s a better sedative than Sleepytime Tea, but my Tivo couldn’t handle it last night. It was busy making love to Damages, 13: Fear is Real, The Real World: Brooklyn and blah…blah.. blah.. After reading bout the PCA, it looks like I didn’t miss much.

The winners were pretty predictable. Brangelina were voted the greatest living things. Of course, they think they are too good for that shit, so they didn’t grace the peons with their presence. Click here to see all the winners.

Below I’ve thrown a bunch of pictures into one big toilet below. You can pick each one out and dissect them or you can just flush. Your choice. Dakota Fanning honestly look the best, because the MAC Cosmetics counter didn’t vomit all over her face.

Manchester United footballer and the star of many homo’s dreams, Cristiano Ronaldo, completely annihilated his £200,000 Ferrari in a car crash earlier today. The eyebrow deities were with Cristiano, because he walked away with all his brow hairs perfectly in place. You know he has his precious brows insured.

The crash happened around 10:30 this morning while Cristiano was driving through a tunnel in Manchester. For some strange reason, he hit the side of the wall, sending the barrier and his car parts flying across the road. This is probably what happened: Cristiano got a glimpse of his sexy self in the rearview mirror, causing grease to explode from his every pore which made the break pedal a little oily and then…well… you know what happened next. It’s dangerous being that gorgeous.

Cristiano pretty much sweats liquid gold, so The Sun says he’s just going to write off the car. The price of the Ferrari is what he makes every other week. Eh.

A £200,000 Ferrari can be replaced with the kick of a ball, but having stunning eyebrows that make people get on their knees and pray is irreplaceable.

YES! Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa , a hot piece of man meat who I just want to lick up until he melts into a puddle so that I can bottle him up and sip him throughout the day, said “hi” to a new baby friend sometime last month. Yes, I know that was a long description of Jason, but whenever I see a picture of him, my genitals do the writing.

Jason’s mother posted on his website forum that Lisa gave birth to a baby boy. They named him……hold your breath…. hold it….. don’t breathe…. DON’T! Are you passing out yet? …hold… it… here we go…. Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa!!! Seriously. Now I won’t feel bad when I name my first born Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho.

Jason’s mommy went on to explain the name, “He was born on the stormest, rainy night.
so Nakoa(warrior)…Mana(strength/spirit) Kaua(rain) po(dark)… The name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf, but Jason did the research on first middle name, 2nd middle name as you know is Jason’s.”

Those incense-burning, no-deodorant wearing, peyote eating, tantric sexin’ hippies! Their son isn’t going to be able to say or write his name…. ever. I can’t even pronounce that shit! I feel like when I try to say his name, the clouds will turn black, the sky will go dark and the heavens will weep for 7 days straight. It’s totally a rain chant!

But you know what? It’s still a zillion times better than Bronx Mowgli. At least Nakoa-Wolf’s (HA!) means something. I shouldn’t say that. Bronx Mowgli means something in Doucheanese. It means “My parents are assholes.”

VIA ONTD

Whenever I have dry dreams (it doesn’t get wet anymore without a lot of work) about Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie from The Flight of the Conchords, this is exactly how I imagined them topless. Time Out did not Photoshop this. It is the real shit. Showtime digitally makes their bodies less hot on the show, because they don’t want to be known as sex symbols. They want to be taken seriously for their funnies!

P.S. – Do you really want to know where you can work out late at night? The answer is: my beeeeeeedroom. Membership will cost you one Watchamacallit and a wink from your right eye (no lefties).