Firing Paris Hilton is Probably Better Than Sex

January 4, 2007 / Posted by:

Paris Hilton has been told to gets the steppin’ by a Florida nightclub owner. Fred Khalilian opened two nightclubs called Club Paris in Orlando, FL and Jacksonville, FL in honor of the piece of trash heiress. He has fired her, because she failed to show for scheduled appearances.

Fred said, “She’s created a circus for herself. It’s all about: How has she screwed up now?” Paris didn’t get off to a good to start. At the opening of her club two years ago, she showed up six hours late. Fred said the club will now be based on the city of Paris and not the whore of Paris. He is holding a contest to find the new face of his nightclub chain.

Paris’ talking turtle, Elliot Mintz, said, “I’m certainly disappointed to learn of Fred’s unfortunate comments. We shall address his statements at the appropriate time.”

I’m surprised that Club Paris is still open? Who the hell would go to a club like that? It should be a crab shack not a club! I’m not even joking.

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Leave Darlene Alone!

January 4, 2007 / Posted by:

Darlene from Roseanne aka Sara Gilbert isn’t a beauty and probably doesn’t care, so I’m not going to call her fug. Even though she is, I won’t call her that. I mean do lesbians even wear make-up?

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Justin Timberlake is Looking Rough

January 4, 2007 / Posted by:

Justin Timberlake brought greasy-back to the premiere of Alpha Dog in Los Angeles last night. The movie shot was ages ago and is supposed to be a turkey. It also stars Bruce Willis, Emile Hirsch, Ben Foster, Sharon Stone and Olivia Wilde. In the movie Justin plays a drug dealer who becomes the youngest man to make it on FBI’s Most Wanted List. Yeah, a real achievement.

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Harvey Isn’t Doing So Hot

January 4, 2007 / Posted by:

Jordan’s manager has confirmed that her son, Harvey Price, was badly burned in an accident at her home on New Year’s Eve. The 4-year-old was badly burned in his leg and it is still unknown as to what caused the accident. Her manager said that Jordan and her husband, Peter Andre, are still by his side in the burn unit of the hospital.

He said, “Harvey is now in a stable condition, but that’s all I know. I haven’t spoken to Pete or Katie because they’re at the hospital with him constantly. They’re with him 24/7 and their phones are off. I don’t know how it happened, but I got a text from them to say that he’s in a stable condition. They are devastated but they are being strong for Harvey.”

Harvey is the son of Jordan and footballer Dwight Yorke. He is partially blind, autistic and suffers from other health problems.

I know Jordan burned this angel. She was probably burning her eyeliner pencil when it dropped on his ass. He burned so bad, because she probably puts tanning oil on him to keep him looking shiny. I know her ass. I’ve got her number.

Please continue to pray for Harvey! I will be holding candlelit vigils across the country. Stay tuned for details oh and by candlelit vigils I mean we’re going to go to Arby’s and gossip.

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Will Donald Keep Doing This Until The Apprentice Premieres?

January 4, 2007 / Posted by:

Donald Trump just won’t shut the eff up! Someone take his comeover and stick it down his damn throat and then have his Eastern European wife piss in his damn a-hole. I mean, come on already! Ok…I’m calm now. So, Barbara Walters spoke in defense of Rosie O’Donnell yesterday. She said that she loves Rosie and does not regret hiring her. Trump earlier said that Babs told him that she hated Rosie’s ass, wanted to fire her and regretted the day she hired that fat dyke.

After hearing Barbara’s response, Donald just couldn’t keep his nasty lips shut. Don told CNN’s Showbiz tonight, . “Is she going to get on and say that ‘I can’t stand Rosie’? She has to work with her. Barbara knows what she said to me, and if I really tell you what she said, it just creates havoc.”

He’s seriously going to keep this up until his stupid reality show premieres. He will then make up with Rosie and Barbara and appear on The View. This is so transparent. Maybe Babs did say that and she’s just scared of Rosie. Um…I’d be scared of that ho too. She probably delivers one mean and wretched fart that can leave your smelling senses messed up for weeks.

Oh and I put up a pic of Melania Trump instead, because I’m sick of seeing his fug face!

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