The Shiny Titty Awards begin in less than a hour and I will be liveblogging this mess at 8pm EST, so we’ll all sleep together from the boredom. Actually, the Golden Globes can be entertaining since they serve booze to all the celebwhores. This makes for some good drunken speeches. I also love watching the winners try to get through the maze of tables without help. I’m surprised some of them don’t end up in the damn parking lot. Those dumb fucks.

The Golden Globes is a good time to start playing the Dlisted drinking game. This is how it works. Print out the nominee list and predict the winners. What am I saying? You’re all lazy skanks! You’re not going to print that out. Okay, just shout the winner before they announce it. If you get it wrong. Down a shot! And if you get it right…..well….down a shot too! A shot for losers and a shot for winners. Everybody wins! If you start to black out during the middle of the show, take a shot of some kind of household cleaner and Red Bull. Preferably Windex. It will bring you back!

Here’s my own predictions. I haven’t seen 80% of this shit, but there’s no need to. Just take your first shot (to get you started) and let your buzz lead you. It knows the way. Predictions after the jump. My guess is in bold. JUMP!!!

BEST DRAMA PICTURE
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
“Frost/Nixon”
“The Reader”
“Revolutionary Road”
“Slumdog Millionaire”

BEST COMEDY-MUSICAL PICTURE
“Burn After Reading”
“Happy-Go-Lucky”
“In Bruges”
“Mamma Mia!”
“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”

BEST FOREIGN-LANGUAGE PICTURE
“The Baader Meinhof Complex”
“Everlasting Moments”
“Gomorrah”
“I’ve Loved You So Long”
“Waltz With Bashir”

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle, “Slumdog Millionaire”
Stephen Daldry, “The Reader”
David Fincher, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Ron Howard, “Frost/Nixon”
Sam Mendes, “Revolutionary Road”

BEST DRAMA ACTOR
Leonardo DiCaprio, “Revolutionary Road”
Frank Langella, “Frost/Nixon”
Sean Penn, “Milk”
Brad Pitt, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Mickey Rourke, “The Wrestler”

BEST DRAMA ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, “Rachel Getting Married”
Angelina Jolie, “Changeling”
Meryl Streep, “Doubt”
Kristin Scott Thomas, “I’ve Loved You So Long”
Kate Winslet, “Revolutionary Road” (just as long as St. Angie doesn’t win so that I can see her death stare again!)

BEST COMEDY/MUSICAL ACTOR
Javier Bardem, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
Colin Farrell, “In Bruges”
James Franco, “Pineapple Express”
Brendan Gleeson, “In Bruges”
Dustin Hoffman, “Last Chance Harvey”

BEST COMEDY/MUSICAL ACTRESS
Rebecca Hall, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
Sally Hawkins, “Happy-Go-Lucky”
Frances McDormand, “Burn After Reading”
Meryl Streep, “Mamma Mia!”
Emma Thompson, “Last Chance Harvey”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Tom Cruise, “Tropic Thunder”
Robert Downey Jr., “Tropic Thunder”
Ralph Fiennes, “The Duchess”
Philip Seymour Hoffman, “Doubt”
Heath Ledger, “The Dark Knight”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, “Doubt”
Penelope Cruz, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
Viola Davis, “Doubt”
Marisa Tomei, “The Wrestler”
Kate Winslet, “The Reader”

ANIMATED FILM
“Bolt”
“Kung Fu Panda”
“Wall-E”

SCREENPLAY
Simon Beaufoy, “Slumdog Millionaire”
David Hare, “The Reader”
Peter Morgan, “Frost/Nixon”
Eric Roth, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

ORIGINAL SCORE
Alexandre Desplat, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Clint Eastwood, “Changeling”
James Newton Howard, “Defiance”
Hans Zimmer, “Frost/Nixon”
A.R. Rahman, “Slumdog Millionaire”

SONG
“Down to Earth” (performed by Peter Gabriel, written by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman), “Wall-E”
“Gran Torino” (performed by Clint Eastwood, Jamie Cullum, Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens, lyrics by: Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens), “Gran Torino”
“I Thought I Lost You” (performed by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, written by Miley Cyrus and Jeffrey Steele), “Bolt”
“Once in a Lifetime” (performed by Beyoncé, written by Beyoncé Knowles, Amanda Ghost, Scott McFarnon, Ian Dench, James Dring, Jody Street), “Cadillac Records”
“The Wrestler” (performed by Bruce Springsteen, written by Bruce Springsteen), “The Wrestler”

DRAMATIC TV SERIES
“Dexter”
“House M.D.”
“In Treatment”
“Mad Men”
“True Blood”

BEST ACTOR, TV DRAMA
Gabriel Byrne, “In Treatment”
Michael C. Hall, “Dexter”
Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Hugh Laurie, “House M.D.”
Jonathan Rhys Meyers, “The Tudors”

BEST ACTRESS, TV DRAMA
Sally Field, “Brothers & Sisters”
Mariska Hargitay, “Law & Order: SVU”
January Jones, “Mad Men”
Anna Paquin, “True Blood”
Kyra Sedgwick, “The Closer”

TV SERIES, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
“Californication”
“Entourage”
“The Office”
“30 Rock”
“Weeds”

BEST ACTOR, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock”
Steve Carell, “The Office”
Kevin Connolly, “Entourage”
David Duchovny, “Californication”
Tony Shalhoub, “Monk”

BEST ACTRESS, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Christina Applegate, “Samantha Who?”
America Ferrera, “Ugly Betty”
Tina Fey, “30 Rock”
Debra Messing, “The Starter Wife”
Mary-Louise Parker, “Weeds”

BEST MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
“Cranford”
“Bernard & Doris”
“John Adams”
“A Raisin in the Sun”
“Recount”

BEST ACTOR IN A TV MINI OR MOVIE
Ralph Fiennes, “Bernard and Doris”
Paul Giammatti, “John Adams”
Kevin Spacey, “Recount”
Kiefer Sutherland, “24: Redemption”
Tom Wilkinson, “Recount”

BEST ACTRESS IN A TV MINI OR MOVIE
Judi Dench, “Cranford”
Laura Linney, “John Adams”
Catherine Keener, “An American Crime”
Shirley MacLaine, “Coco Chanel”
Susan Sarandon, “Bernard & Doris”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A TV MINI OR MOVIE
Eileen Atkins, “Cranford”
Laura Dern, “Recount”
Melissa George, “In Treatment”
Rachel Griffiths, “Brothers & Sisters”
Dianne Wiest, “In Treatment”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN TV MINI OR MOVIE
Neil Patrick Harris, “How I Met Your Mother”
Denis Leary, “Recount”
Jeremy Piven, “Entourage”
Blair Underwood, “In Treatment”
Tom Wilkinson, “John Adams”

Yes, I wrote Blake and not Blaaaaaaake. I have a feeling Wino is no longer screaming his name. That shit is fucking depressing. Is there such a thing as love if Wino isn’t shouting “Blaaaaaaake” like a damn cracked out rooster in need of a fix? I don’t think so. If you’re in love, break up with that bitch, because it’s not going to last. If Wino and Blaaaaaake can’t make it. None of us can!

Blake (it feels wrong typing that) has told his lawyer bitches (aka some back alley motherfuckers he’s paying in rocks) to begin working on the whole divorce process. The Daily Mail says Blake (this is hard) laid his glazed-over eyes on pictures of the Crackie of the Caribbean all up on that hot piece Josh Bowman in St. Lucia. Like I said before, Wino isn’t screeching for her husband. She told The News of the World that she’s off the bad shit and now her coochie is only craving Josh. Seriously, her clitty probably gets the shakes when he’s not around.

And Wino even said she’s forgotten she’s even married to Blake (really, really hard). She went on to kick him in the meth sores by saying he was shit in bed. She said, “Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead.” SPOILER ALERT, Wino! Technically I think you are dead. Your organs haven’t worked properly since ’06.

First Brit Brit cleans up her shit and is no longer entertaining us with her nightly tour of gas stations while flashing her creamed chitterlings. Now Wino has fallen out of love with crack AND Blake. AND it’s like 80 degrees in California during January. What is fucking going on in the world?! IT WASN’T NOT FUNNY! What the hell is next? Rojo Caliente is going to be photographed making out with Jeremy Piven. No. Let’s not even joke about that shit.

I can’t call him Blake. He will forever be Blaaaaake to me. I will scream his name, because somebody has to and I need to believe! I don’t like what fresh tropical air is doing for Wino. It’s sobering her up and making her think clearly. That’s not right!

In The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke plays, get this, a wrestler! A wrestler who uses all sorts of enhancements to look all beastly and wrestler-like. Men’s Journal (via Rush & Molloy) suggests that Mickey had a little help from Roidy McRoids. When asked about this claim, Mickey slipped his hand into his safe place and said, “When I’m a wrestler, I behave like a wrestler.”

Hasn’t 21st century Mickey Rourke always looked like he was made from one of Vadge’s roided-up vag lips? I figured roids were part of his daily ritual. He gets up, accidentally looks in the mirror, goes to get the kitchen, grabs a dustpan, cleans up the broken mirror he just looked into, takes out a needle and jabs it into his face cheek. You know his face eats roids. Major.

I went to see Mickey’s hatchet face show in The Wrestler last week and he kind of charmed my ass in a “do me in a dirty trailer” kind of way. It’s sad, but I’d totally let him hit it on a barb wire fence. He won’t win a Golden Globe tonight, but I hope he does so that we can watch the statue shake in fear from being so close to his overdone scrambled eggs face.

Here’s yet another baby announcement without the damn name! This better not be a trend, because the name is all we really care about. Well, I just care to see how fucked up it is.

Yeah so, a little baby boy pranced out of 22-year-old Charlotte Church’s vagina door just after midnight today at her home. Church on a Sunday! Sorry. The Daily Mail says Charlotte gave birth in a birthing pool with the help of two midwives. Damn 20/20! Reading about Char busting out a baby in a birthing pool makes me think of that ho having an orgasm while giving birth. I’m totally picturing Char screaming “Oh, God! Hallelujah! A little to the right. That’s the spot! Bring it hoooooome!” while pushing out her baby. I will never forgive 20/20 for bringing this into my life.

Charlotte’s website said her new baby friend weighed in at 7lb 5oz. This is Charlotte and Gavin Henson’s second kid together. They have a 16-month daughter named Ruby.

I hope they name Onyx in keeping with the gemstone theme. Or maybe Tiger’s Eye. Yeah, I like that one.

I’m sure Char is already drunk and working on her next baby! She’ll be knocked up again by midnight! Weeeeeee!

Miss Yvonne from Pee Wee’s Playhouse (played by Lynne Marie Stewart) – I can’t believe the most beautiful woman in Puppetland hasn’t bee HSOTD! Her time has come and here she is. Click here to see what Miss Yvonne looks like today.

Naomi Judd (63)
Jamelia (28)
Nadia Turner (32)
Amanda Peet (37)
Marc Blucas (37)
Mary J. Blige (38)
Kyle Richards (40)
Kim Coles (43)
Vicki Peterson (51)
Alfonso Arau (77)