In Verne’s defense, the doll is just his size. But this shit makes me flashback to his retina-killing sex tape. The two screen shots are pretty much the same. Verne needs to learn how to kiss without involving his little lizard tongue. After this shit went down, that plastic baby doll tried to throw itself in a fire.

Verne got sexy with the baby doll while making a movie with his fellow Celebrity Big Brother housemates. Verne had to pretend that the doll was Mutya Buena, who recently quit the show. Verne tells the doll, “Hey, Mutya. I know you wanna leave, but before you go can you just save a spot in bed for me and I will give you some special loving. We don’t have to tell anyone else. Hey – do you want to ride my scooter?” Click here to watch the scene, but I can’t guarantee that Chris Hansen won’t come up behind you and ask you to talk for a minute. Or that PedoBear will tap your on the shoulder and give you the thumbs up. Seriously, this feels like some pedo shit.

Some viewers of CBB skeeved out by the whole thing and have sent in letters. They said that a “grown man” shouldn’t be getting it on with a baby doll. The words “grown man” needed to be italicized and pressed into quotes for obvious reasons.

And after Verne convinces the plastic baby doll not to throw itself in a fire, methinks he’s going to marry it and make a million itty bitty plastic babies with it. They are totally going to look like this.

Thanks Rebecca

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day! And don’t celebrate by eating one! I’m talking to you, Brit Brit! – HuffPo

Gay sex scandal in Portland involving a dude named Beau BREEDLOVE – Towleroad

Owen Wilson and that hot piece Rick Rubin on a bike ride – Popsugar

Fran Drescher is still hot (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Fishsticks Paltrow bringing one of her organic nipples out – Egotastic!

Amanda Bynes always looks like someone put her head on another bitch’s body – Hollywood Tuna

Katie Holmes actually looks like a living thing here – Just Jared

Why JLove is single – Lainey Gossip

50 Cent works out like a woman – Hollywood Rag

Chris Martin’s puppet should permanently replace the real thing – Popbytes

Best Photoshop job ever – Cityrag

I knew MiserAlba had some inner bitchery to back up her constant cuntface. The other night while she was at some event in DC, a Fox News producer asked her some shit about Bill O’Reilly. MiserAlba smiled (!!!!!) and said he was “kind of an a-hole.” When the producer asked what Bill had done to deserve that title, she said, “I don’t know how he does it…maybe he was born that way.” The producer then asked her for an example of Bill’s a-holeness and she responded, “Um, no. Then that means I’m admitting I actually watched FOX.”

MiserAlba almost received 5 gold stars from me until she couldn’t name any examples. That would’ve been easy. All she had to do was shout, “WE’LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKIT! FUCKING THING SUCKS!”

And she also loses a few points for trying to get all Nancy Grace on a bitch during another event in DC. Control Room Eeeeelizabeth is not amused.

VIA UsWeekly

Anybody who reads my shit on a semi-regular basis knows my crazy fascination with EYEBROWS. If you’re a chick, it’s the first thing I look at it. If you’re a dude, I look at the peen area first and then the eyebrow area. Because of this, these pictures have been forwarded to my inbox at least ten hundred thousand million times. That’s a lowball figure too. I’m sure you’ve seen them the same amount of times, if not more.

So, let’s keep the eyebrow worship going. It is your duty to send all these pictures to everyone in your address book every day this week! If you don’t, your eyebrows will fall off in your sleep tonight. They will be ashamed to be associated with you and quit your ass. Yes, your friends may break up with you, but what’s more important? Friendships or eyebrows? The answer is hanging over your eyes.

P.S. – Open post = Talk about whatever the fuck you want!

Star Magazine is asking the ten peso question: “Whereeeeee are the twin messiahs?!” I figured they were busy teaching the philosophies of Saint Angie Jo to orphans or maybe discovering the cure for cancer in their own holy butt nuggets. According to Star, the twins have been sickly. Silly, Star! God babie s don’t get sick!

A source said that Brad and St. Angie are keeping the twins away to protect their health. Some source said, “They haven’t been the healthiest babies. Angie is being neurotic with Knox and Viv. She won’t let anyone near them without sanitizing their hands and taking off their shoes. She’s really freaking out.”

I’m sure Angie makes everyone bathe in holy water before they get near her family. But that doesn’t mean the twinsies are sick. Now, I have some experience as a mother since I practically raised the Shiba Inu 6. Yes, I did it by webcam, but I still feel I played a vital part in raising them to become the responsible puppies they are today. No, I didn’t feed them or cuddle with them, but I was practically with them every second! And in my experience, babies sleep a lot. A FUCKING LOT. That’s all they do. They shit, eat, cry and sleep. They are like me with a hangover. So I know this is a silly thought, but maybe the twin gods are just being babies by sleeping in their cribs 22-hours a day? Yeah, craaaazy thought.

After going through a security check at an airport in Berlin, Tommy Girl created an eyeball rolling wave by kissing his robobride in front of the pappies. I’m shocked that the security equipment didn’t burst into flames from the intense levels of fakery.

You can see the craziness swirling inside Tommy’s eyes just before he’s about to kiss a girl on the lips (ewwwwww). He’s using his hypnotic alien powers to help him imagine Katie’s mouth lips as David Beckham’s dirt star. Or maybe he’s picturing that pink gay bunny with an eyepatch that got thrown out of his premiere? Isn’t it heartbreaking that they can’t be together? Forbidden love!