A Spaghetti Cat imposter!!! The original SC would’ve already been on that shit – I Can Has Cheezburger?

Taylor Lautner is a spitter not a swallower – Just Jared

Two dipshits in fug hats – Hollywood Rag

Helena Christensen still has it (thanks to Photoshop) – Egotastic!

Jim Carrey is talking like he had to lick on Ewan McGregor’s ass lips. It’s just a kiss! – Towleroad

Adam Brody is alive and looks beat as shit – Popsugar

Tila Tequila’s faux pussy lick – Hollywood Tuna

Rachel McAdams has downgraded – Lainey Gossip

Shit you find on Catlist – Cityrag

Princess RiRi of Mars needs to do something about those distressed chichis (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Padma Lakshmi is good at sooooo many things. She’s good at saying “from the makers of GLAD family of products” on Top Chef and she’s even better at picking men. And by “men” I mean sugar pepaws. Padma’s last piece was Salman Rushdie and now she’s pulling Ted Forstmann’s frosty pubes out of her mouth. He’s the 60-something CEO of IMG and he shits gold. Enough said. He no longer looks like he has moth balls under his nuts. He looks like a hot piece with 8-pack abs and a mega peen.

Some bitches like big dicks and some like big checking accounts. The difference is that a big dick isn’t going to buy you a Bentley. But a big checking account will turn a small soggy peen into a 9″ rock hard rod of sex. Yes, it will, but only authentic gold diggers are born with that kind of imagination. Padma has it. She’s my inspiration.

It’s been much too long since international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price has graced us with her chicken cutlets. Dlisted and Robertson Blvd. have been so lonely and cold without her. PP knows this, so she brings us gifts to make up for her absence. You see, the Claire’s of the poultry world has been keeping her glue gun busy by making hats! Yes, she’s moved on from bedazzling toddler belts you wear around your head to creating one-of-a-kind art pieces for your head. This is some Blossom shit DONE RIGHT. I can’t wait to buy my very own original PP Chicken Hat in the black label section at the swap meet.

Anyway, PP dressed in Garbage Pail Kids Chic to host this open post for you. Nibble on a chicken wing and rant away!

Yes, I know that’s an old picture of Robert Pattinson and that he’s chopped down his magical forest since, but I’m going to pretend he didn’t do that. It almost brings tears to my eyes to think of all the homeless unicorns out there. And my skin is allergic to tears, so it’s best that I try not to cry.

So, Marc Malkin at E! says nearly 15-year-old Dakota Fanning is having conversations with the producers of the Twilight sequel about being in that mess. A source said they offered her the role of Jane described as “ a member of Italy’s Volturi, the most deadly group of bloodsucking killers.” A casting notice says Jane is a petite blonde with a “Botticelli angel-like face…[and] crimson irises.” So I guess Dakota will see undead people instead of dead ones? Wait. I’m confusing my child stars.

Since I basically know nothing about this Twilight shit, I asked my resident Twilight-aholic about this casting decision. The bitch bust nuts when he sees apples now, because it reminds him of Twilight. He screamed over IM (I had to cover my eyes), “YES!! YES! yes! O FUCK YES!” And then his next IM read: “But Morgan Fairchild would have been better.” I haven’t even read one word from a Twilight book and I couldn’t agree more. Morgan Fairchild makes everything so much better.

And thanks to Kathy Griffin, every time I see Dakota Fanning, I picture her with a crack pipe.

Bradley Pitt was posing at some photo call in France for THAT BENJAMIN BUTTON’S shit with his crotch door open and his Willy Pitt ready to party. It’s Benjamin’s button!

Anything to distract from that horizontal landing strip below his nose is fine by me. Besides, Brad probably did it on purpose. He was giving his wang a little air since it was traumatized earlier in the day after St. Angie’s peen-eating vagina tried to bite its head off again. It never gets used to that.

By the way, if you see a bitch with their fly open, just tell their asses straight up! A while ago, some dude kept asking me, “Can I see your hot dog vendor permit?” After ten million “HUHs,” I figured he was asking for a blow job on the down low. Just as I was getting on my knees, he told me my fly was open. Dumb bitch!

Seen here is former French President Chirac with his pet Maltese Poodle Sumo. Sumo may seem like your regular poodle: barks at anything that moves, loves rhinestone collars against its fur, sticks its nose up at mutts… etc…etc.. Well, Sumo isn’t your regular bitch. The motherfucker is certifiable! The crazy bitch reportedly went after Chirac for no reason and mauled his French ass (or face, this hasn’t been confirmed)! Maybe Chirac told Sumo his butt looked fat. You know how bitchy those poodles can be.

Chirac’s wife said Sumo has become crazier and crazier over the years. He’s like the gay ass version of Cujo! Cujosofierce! The bitch was diagnosed “clinically depressed” and is currently on anti-depressants. She said, “The dog went for him for no apparent reason. We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression. My husband was bitten quite badly, but he is certain to make a full recovery over the coming weeks.”

Maybe Sumo was sick of taking Prozac or whatever the fuck they are hiding in his Fancy Feast (you know he eats cat food, he’s that elegant). Bitch just wants a damn joint and a DRANK so he can mellow the hell out.

It’s obvious that Sumo and Chirac can no longer be best girlfriends. That’s why I’m suggesting that Parasite Hilton adopts Sumo. The ugly whore loves dogs, right? Once he’s done mauling the wonk off her face, he can go live with Jessica Simpson, then the Kardashians….and so on and so forth…. Sumo: Mauling the dumb bitches of Hollywood one bite at a time!

Thanks DK